What a Difference A Year Makes part 1

i bought myself a Journal earlier this week. I like to make a note of things that happen in my life so I can eventually write about it.

I bought a Journal last year when I Was in Dublin because deep down I knew that when I got back, the shit was truly going to hit the fan. And I wasn´t wrong.

And boy did I write,

Of course the night before I moved into my new flat in Goya I was warned not to mention the conversation that was between myself, my ex friend and flat mate and her mother. well I didn´t say a word because they did all the talking. I didn´t want to give them the satisfaction. so I kept a mental score.

When I finally moved into my new flat, that was when things started to change. No more being badgered into going to a bar with only 4 people in it. no more being pimped to guys, no more having to listen to constant moaning about the partner of a Certain Swiss opera Singer.

Of course having spent over 500 euros on the deposit of my room and the rent, I was left with very little to spend for the month. that still didn´t stop me from buying the basics like food, tooth paste and washing powder. I Still got to go for the occasinal drink. And yes there was Gay Pride, that party was free.

Now moving on, My laptop sort of took over my journal and now I am about to be left without a laptop because my "Brother in Law" Suko is going to upgrade it for me. so I have to write the old fashioned way.

And believe me, by the time I get my lap top back, the journal will be pretty full because not only will it be about my life so far but they´ll be some feed back on the other books I am writing.

Another one has now appeared. "La Gran Locura" exactly what it says on the tin. it´s about friendship, work, love and a trip out side of Europe.

My friend Vivi is about to take a trip out of Europe herself. she´s off to Canada and then the US. first to see her favourite French Canadian Comedian who is quite cute, then she´s off to See Il Divo. lucky her.

I´m lucky that I am making a trip at all this year. To London. It´s about time too. I will be going alone because for David to get a visa appointment, he has to wait until 2011.

Still we can always do Sweden. Mia´s already offered her place for me and David.

more next time.

A Time for Reflection.

I´ve been away from here for the last two months.

my last blog was about being invited to an Evangelist chruch by the last person who I´d expect to invite me. I´d gone through changes. An end of an era had occured and another one recently began.

I don´t even know where to begin, but I´m at a place in my life at the moment that I´m happy.

Although it´s been hard.

My relationship with a certain person has started all over again. i like it how it is now because it´s more relaxed. everyone thinks we´ve gotten back together but I always like to point out that "We´ve just begun!" I don´t think they understand and I don´t expect them to.

The things it has taken for me to calm down while´I´m at work. certain people still try to make life difficult for me and sometimes I see or hear things that make me feel like turning into "Wolverine". but I´ve now taken a calm approach to things.

A lot has happened and when I can I will explain them a bit at a time. because there is a lot to write about.

but there has been one thing that I will write about briefly.

I am planning a trip. it´s a crazy one. so crazy that I am writing a fiction about it.

I´ll keep you posted

Hugs

Morgana

Surprises still scare the hell out of me.

This last week has been a bit of a shock for me.

Most people who know me, know that surprises scare me. maybe it´s about time I embraced them as something positive.

Who knows.

It´s been a week since, the predictable happened.

Moses and I split as a couple. not as friends though.

Don´t get me wrong, I saw this coming, but it still didn´t stop it from hurting like hell. I thought "Oh great! I´m going to spend my 30th on my own!" but he kept reassuring me that was not going to happen.

At the time, I didn´t believe it.

Obviously it hurt. but there was something he kept saying over and over again, that there was something he needed to sort out on his own.

He´d changed. He wasn´t the same guy I said goodbye to at the airport and of course people at work jumped to their own conclusions and decided to tell me.

so I decided to confront him about it later in the week.

I put him through a human lie detector test (long story) he was telling me the truth the whole time and the one thing I admire about him is his honesty. I still didn´t get wasn´t going on until we went into a KFC takeaway and I got more than the truth.

Moses had changed a lot. It was when he decided to invite me to a church he goes to with his siblings that I realised he´d changed.

So I took up his invitation and went yesterday and I can tell you it was the most intense feeling I´ve felt for a long time. I was standing between, Moses and his sister and looking at the guy who for 8 months, was more than a friend, but my lover and he seemed like a new man. someone who had finally found peace within him and I can understand his reasons for wanting to call it a day.

I too am still searching for the peace within me, and I appreciate the fact that Moses, his sister Julia, the pastors in this church, My best friends and even co workers want to help me find it. They can help me as much as they can and support me, but the rest of the journey I need to make myself.

Looks like me and God have a lot to chat about.

But I think it´s about time, I started to deal with the one thing that has been plaguing me since I was younger.

A little help from above.

2 weeks ago, I went to my favourite shop and bought some interesting divination articles and 2 books.

apart from Tarot Cards, (I now own 4 decks) I also bought Healing with Angels Oracle by Doreen Virtue and Oracle of the Angels by Graciela Iriondo.

The reading I got for myself and 3 other people were very intense as was the meditating, but that´s not all.

for 2 weeks, I couldn´t find my security pass for work and because I work at an airport, you need one to get in and out of doors which require you pass the pass. I hadn´t told anyone I´d lost it and If I did or got caught without my pass 2 things would have happened.

1, I could get a fine of 50 euros

2 I would have to get a new pass also costing 50 euros.

with that aside.

I was meditating to the Angel of New Order after my yoga practice and I was thinking about opening the bottom draw of my wardrobe to try on close that were tight or take the loose fitting ones to a charity shop.

Suddenly to my surprise, when I unfolded my Wranglers, what was dangling from a pocket? you guessed it my security pass. you can´t imagine the relief not to mention the swear words in Spanish I was expressing at that moment.

If there was any doubt in my mind over the existance of Angels...

that has now been well and truly removed!

When the law goes a bit mad.

Thought I´d give this case a mention because this guy involved needs to know that we´re on his side.

I found out about the case of David Goldman through a fellow blogger and having read everything that this guy has been through in the last few years it made me think of my my male friends and co workers.

David Goldman´s son Sean was kidnapped by his mother Bruna Ribiero who has since passed on and was taken to Brazil. More information is on this following website.

http://www.bringseanhome.org/home.html

personally if the ex partners of my friends suddenly turned around and said "Sorry you can´t see your son,daughter or kids" as some have got more than one, they would fight tooth and nail to say "like hell I won´t.

Sadly David has been fighting the Brazilian Courts for years. let´s hope that justice prevails and the good guy wins.

I know there are cases of dead beat dads but recently I´ve met a few who despite the situation or reason that ended the relationship with the mother of their child are still there for their kids, even if it is a phone call once a week.

David, we´re with you on this one mate!!

Who needs Words to discribe this next blog.

I´d been waiting well over a month for this.

I waited at Terminal 2 in Madrid for my boyfriend to arrive after a 13 hour flight from Lima.

only got 2 hours of sleep.

taxi to the airport 15 euros.

Coffee 1.50 euros.

Breakfast of Mexican Guacamole burger, fries orange juice and nesquik= free thanks to Juan Carlos the manager on night duty.

Hugging your boyfriend after 33 days and then taking a photo: priceless

No Sweets, chocolates, biscuits and diet cola until Easter? I must be mad!

Lent is here, and for the first time in years, I am going to try and stick to it.

I do remember the school chaplain telling us that you could have a break from Lent on Sundays because if you think about it, Lent is 40 days and from now until easter there's 46 days. Well let´s see how I´ll do.

Not easy though, but there are going to be 6 days when I'm not going to follow it. When it's my birthday because let's face it, I want a giant chocolate cake with the number 30 on it and of course on April 4th when I'll be celebrating my birthday again and 4 out of the 6 Sundays

Now the things that I will be giving up for Lent are the following. Diet cola, which I am addicted to. It might be hard to stop myself from actually pouring my self some at work. Chocolate and that includes drinking it. Cakes, biscuits, sweets, palmeras, and Ice cream. Which means yes, more room for yoghurt, fruit and savory low fat snacks.

I know what you're thinking, I must be out of my mind. I could at least keep the diet cola but since I can get my caffiene fix from my morning coffee, I think I can do this. I might go cold turkey and be very irritable but put it this way, my teeth will thank me for this break and since losing the weight healthy snacks don't actually appeal to me.

I still have a box of whole grain biscuits in the fridge (I don't have space anywhere else) which I'll let Moses have with his tea and biscuits (he picked that habit from me.) The last chocolate I had last night, but then I also had a giant palmera which wasn't vert appetising anf another chocolate earlier. I'm still suffering from my cycle which has left me a bit messed up. Last week there were days where I Could barely get out of bed. I almost bit poor Erick's head off at work and almost sent most of the clients straight to hell (That weekend all the ass holes came to my till!)

They'll be no Easter Eggs this time and since I've been living here in Spain, I haven't bought anything from any of the Italian shops because the prices are even higher than in London for the stuff in there. So no Colomba cake. Last Christmas I bought Panettone because I knew Moses would eat it too as it's something eaten in Peru for Christmas as well (that surprised me!)

Lent is about sacrifices, for those who are not familiar with Lent, it's when Jesus went into the desert for 40 days and nights to fast and was tempted by the Devil. In medieval times, that was taken seriously. Everyone use to gather up what ever they had lying around the day before lent and cook it up. Which is why in the UK there's Pan Cake day. Don't ask.

Nowadays no one expects you to go for 40 days and nights without eating or drinking unless you're David Blaine. Let's not go there.

You have to give up something that isn't enough to make you want to murder someone for it. OK, I'll see how I feel with my next period, Usually people give up candy, or savoury snacks. Some will attempt to give up alcohol, Caffiene and this one is always a good one... smoking.

Then you have to think about thinking or even doing something more positive in your life during Lent. Something that might help you as well as others. OK. I am going to attempt to meditate on a daily basis and perhaps be in the process in finding a better paid job. After all my New Year's resolution was to find a cheaper flat which I did but the cat had to go.

When I was in primary school, we were almost forced to give something up for lent. I never took it seriously, you're a kid for christ's sake. Oh yeah it was a catholic school. During lent me and my mum would do things together. She'd usually give up savoury snacks and me sweets. We'd have the piss taken by my dad and brother.

They suggested I should try and changed my attitude. Yeah right. I lose my temper, like normal people do, the only difference with me was that There was a lot more shit that I had to deal with at home and at school. Nobody was fucking listening to me so I had to respond loudly!

The last time I tried doing lent, it was when I was going out with the Iranian. He didn't take it seriously so the fucker kept tempting me with sweets. So that ended quickly. Lent that is.

I wonder if my mum is going to do what we normally do when we get invited to a birthday party of one of their friend's kids and the mother defrosts a black forest Gataeu from Tesco's. I will say this now that as a kid, I loved black forest anything. When the Ice cream van use to visit, I would order the black forest cornetto. Until this silly moo started buying the cake for birthdays and would leave it out from the night before.

My mum and I came up with the genius idea that if we were presented with this during lent, we'd say “oh we've given up chocolate or sweets for lent” they would still insist on us trying some anyway as it's a special occasion but we wouldn't budge.

The sad thing is that they still make their kids carry on with lent. the oldest is 35 and he doesn´t even live at home anymore. I'm doing it as an experiment. My brother turned athiest in the last few years and Moses isn't very religious.

I decided not to go to church today for the Ashes, first of all I didn't have bloody time. I had to be at work at midday. And second I had to be somewhere else that was more important.

Anyway, I'll let you know how I get on.

I wonder if my mum will give up smoking for Lent. Whoops almost got hit by a flying pig!

Perphaps I should try to swear less.

What? Swear less? Where I work? Almost got hit by flying hippo too!