Saturday, 15 July 2017

Either say nothing or gracefully put your foot down.

Namaste guys what's shaking.

Since a lot of people I know are expecting a baby in the near future I thought maybe I'd shed some light on a few things.

Let's kick off with a when you should tell people that you're having a baby? Obviously you need to let your job know if your employment involves heavy lifting and stress. Or if it's high risk. Or you work with people who are constantly sending you to do heavy lifting .

If you have one of those bosses who is a complete cunt then you need to perhaps speak to a representative or a solicitor about him/her.

When should you tell people like friends and family? I would say wait as long as you can because God forbid something happens and I am sorry to tell you that it can happen , then you need to then tell people something else. Wait til you are into the second trimester or when it's really starting to get obvious.

Avoid advice that people from older generations will tell you.

I've heard stupid things that pregnant women still hear from people who haven't realised that its the 21st century.

If you've had multiple miscarriages and every Tom, Sick Larry tells you you need bed rest. Unless one of these is a doctor , don't let them scare monger you.

When people insist that you literally need to eat for 2 when you need to consume about 300 extra calories after the second trimester.

Sure there are envious people who aren't as happy as you are and will tell you old wives tales but I'd just ignore them. You have an obstetrician, family doctor, nurses and midwife that will put your mind at ease if you have doubts. The rest is common sense.

Suddenly everyone is an expert in pregnancy and what you can or can't do which is why do don't feel like telling anyone just yet.

Don't listen to people who tell you that they are going to curse you or say that "God" will punish you for what ever reason. If you really have to answer , tell them what I tell them "aren't you a little too old for imaginary friends?"

Don't let people hijack your pregnancy .

What I mean is that people and I mean family and friends will start planning things as if being pregnant has robbed you the power of free thinking and speech.

You can either say thanks for the input and be polite knowing that you or father have made your own plans. Or tell them straight what your plans are or tell them to mind their own business.

Food suggestions is another, when they tell you that you have to literally eat for 2 as i mentioned earlier or certain foods are good for you when they were on the obstetricians "do not eat" list. Like Cod Roe.

I have never understood why people insist those tiny eggs are good for you. Surely it isn't.

When you tell people from an older generation that you are not permitted to eat certain things and they tell you "oh but I ate this when I was pregnant and I was fine!"

You tell them that either times have changed or that what ever you can't eat now is probably because of contamination.

And then people go ahead and bring you or make you something that you dont like or have been strongly advised to not eat. Then when you refuse they think you're either overreacting or ungrateful. How about asking first before acting like some kind of self appointed pAtron saint of prenatal nutrician!?

Names is another thing that causes arguments and stress.

Some Grandparents still think that parents need to name them after them or what ever name they tell the expectant parents.

I was named after my grandmother whom I didn't meet. It was both my father's and grandfather's idea.

Boy have I struggled with my full name to the point that I only use it in formal stuff and work. Now it's constantly associated with a murder victim.

My daughter is named after a song because her dad wanted to name her after the actual singer but I reminded him that people would think less of the artist's talent and more Of the reason she died.

Actually I may reconsider Amy in the future. Lots of kids are called Elvis.

A lot of people didn't like the name because it wasn't common enough or biblical enough and made suggestions. By the time we went the registry office she had already had documents with the name we gave her or in this case she did a Leonardo Di Caprio and chose her first name he self by kicking.

Kindly say thanks for the suggestion but we are sticking to our choice.

If they get upset then so what? My parents have told me more than once that they won't get upset if I choose not to name my kids after them.

My reason to not let people influence me was because I didn't want to make the same error as my mum.

As I mentioned before my dad named me and my mum could name the next baby what ever she wanted. Her first choice was Elvis but my grandma talked her out it. Why? She was free to name him what ever she wanted.

That's why I didn't take suggestions and will never take suggestions.

And if they tell you to name your child after a relative who's dying or a name they like, don't fall for it and don't feel bad when they begin to try to emotionally blackmail you.

It's your child, not theirs.


Please don't give your child a name that is out dated or hard to pronounce. That goes for old biblical names. Why Would you that to your child?

My father in law is obsessed with the name Jairus. He tried to suggest it to his ex daughter in law ,my partner's ex who refused which means that she does have a tiny bit of common sense in her head.

I'd rather Caleb than Jairus. it sounds awful even in Spanish. Sorry for any one named that or naming their kid that.

We did think of Jacob for a boy then thought against it, especially with it becoming popular after the Twilight saga.

I could go on all day about this but I'm thinking that maybe going more in-depth with a video.

That being said, namaste til next time.


Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Am I Ready?


Namaste guys, what's shaking?

This past week has been awesome with regards to the World Pride celebrations here in Madrid. People coming together from everywhere and just having a good time.

My daughter and I loved going around Chueca! Eating rainbow coloured cakes, stroking dogs and generally saying hi to people.

But come Monday , when the celebrations were over , I was back to my ugly reality.

A partner who is so set in his backward ways that it's embarrassing not only to me but to our daughter. Someone who thinks he can cure a lesbian with a "good fucking" .

The same person who told me the reason I'm having trouble conceiving again is because it's punishment from God for the little bag of witchy tools I have under my bed which has a lock because he can't be trusted.

The same guy who accuses me indirectly of being a bad parent when he's got 3 kids (or 4 depending if the 17 year old named Sebastian is really his !) And one other woman had an abortion because he was a cunt to her.

Yet I want another baby .

You're probably asking why? Everything I just stated above is enough to put me off from even sleeping with him. Why did I have another baby with last time when i miscarried at 18 weeks beforehand knowing that he didn't want one?

Because I wanted one for me not him.

During the pregnancy it was going ok, it wasn't til the day she was born and straight after things changed. He didn't understand that I was tried, I had a baby and I wasn't interested in him physically.

I've changed. I'm more aggressive , I snap at just about the first instance of hearing or seeing something wrong.

I even thought about leaving with a new born because it was too much . I had post natal depression but the baby's father was causing it.

Things got a bit better but it wasn't the same..

Again you ask, why get pregnant again?

Everyone knows that "bandaid" babies don't fix relationships that are reaching the end.

Why don't I give up ? Surely two miscarriages one being in the second trimester should be a sign that I should stop at one child.

Why If I'm so unhappy , even my sister in law can see that I'm only in this relationship because financially I can't cope.

I don't even know. I'm not even in love with the guy like I use to be . I mean obviously I care about him because he's the father of my daughter and we've been together years but most days when he goes to work or when I go to work , I'm glad I can actually breathe easy for a few hours.

I'm currently not in a great environment to be raising my 4 year old, why do I want another baby with a guy that I am no longer in love with?

Because I want one for me and I want my daughter to have another sibling that she can grow up with. That's why. .

I'm 38 years old and I only have one ovary, the change will be coming in a few years.

This time it will be different.

I am willing to do it alone. Go to all my appointments alone, go to all the classes alone , even look for other ways to earn money whilst on leave. I don't want to feel Like the way I have done I all my pregnancies.

The only good thing is that I will be alone in late August. The circumstances won't be ideal and I'm feel really bad that this person is dying but at least I will have time to think about what my next plan is , should I become pregnant for the 6th time.

I am battling this topic on a daily basis. I am looking at this on a spiritual level and I am reflectingon this personally to understand if I am truly mentally prepared to bring another child into this world.

Anyway that is a for today, Namaste til next time.

Sunday, 2 July 2017

So you think you can do better?

Namaste what's shaking?

These days I feel a bit drained, what with being broke, having my father in law in hospital and having to go to work and share a space with ex co workers.

But the thing that runs me the wrong way is indirect attacks with the way I am raising my child.

Not that I care what anyone thinks but I would like to point out a few things.

First of all there is no correct way of being a parent, you are constantly winging it.

If I choose to let my 4 year old use her dad's iPad so I can bloody get the house work done or get through a session of DDP yoga without being interrupted, then I will bloody well do it.

Secondly my Daughter loves climbing up and down the poll on the train and going around in circles. Apparently there must be something wrong because I have never told her to stop doing that.

The only way she is going to learn that its dangerous is when she falls and smacks her head!

Thirdly the older generation and some uneducated folk on my side of the family would tell me that I needed to baptize my daughter before the age of 3 or else God forbid something happens to her. She's 4 and a half now. That kind of emotional blackmail doesn't work with me. Besides she survived 9 months of gestation.

Next, why don't I take her to church? Because I am not going to force her into something she doesn't want to do. Unless she asks me which she has and I do take her sometimes.

Why don't I teach her about the Bible? Again, when she's old enough to choose what she wants to believe in , she can read it herself.

Apparently I'm a bad parent because I'm taking my daughter to the Gay Pride Parade! She wasn't in any danger 3 years ago when I took her with my best Friend Mimmi and people thought we were a same-sex couple taking our daughter out for the parade. Not that we corrected them. She was happy that someone gave her a rainbow coloured flag.

I've told her that this year we're going to a big party with lots of rainbow flags, happy people and people who look like her uncle!

Oh and a friend of mine is performing so we're going!

I need up tell her about hell? No I don't. I will tell her that there is no such place and if you do something wrong, you are accountable not some make belief scapegoat.

She still thinks it's normal that Sponge bob lives in a pineapple under the sea.

Bed time is another issue, apparently I shouldn't co sleep with her and I shouldn't let her sleep so late.

Like I keep saying each to their own.

Why do I let her have a meltdown in public? I don't, she meltdown on her own and I've learned to make her stop, just to start running. She snaps out of it in no time.

And I do not appreciate people pretending to perform van exorcism on her. She's only having a meltdown, she's not mentally unstable.

And I hear I would never allow my child to act like that.

Say the people who were even worse as kids and wouldn't accept the sex of their baby until the last month.

Why didn't I name her after a relative, or the saint who's day she was born on?

Surely by now you have realised that she's my child and I will name her what ever I want.

Why isn't she fluent in 3 languages like you?

She will be when she's ready. And I am not sending her to shitty after school language classes. I want her to integrate with the other kids her age, not isolate her. We're not going back to Italy any time soon or the UK. There is no rush.

And lastly, I give her chocolate and I spoil her. Someone call child services! I'm spoiling my only child, the one I had after suffering a late missed miscarriage and two more after that!

I would give her a giant toblerone if I could just to annoy people!

I'm not being aggressive here. I'm just challenging anyone who think they can do a better job of raising my child.

Can you?

I didn't think so.

With that said , Namaste to all of you til next time.

Sunday, 25 June 2017

I'm a Mother and I still don't get it!

Namaste guys what's shaking?

With World Pride around the corner, I wanted to bring something to your attention.

When I was young, I always knew that when I became a mother that I would love my child no matter what.

I started going out with this guy who I ended up being in love with but there was a problem, because of his background and his beliefs, his parents would see me as a problem even if I decided to embrace their beliefs.

Nope. Wasn't going to happen . So He did everything to make me leave him, make excuses to not go out , be a cunt to me and even cheat. Why? Because he knew that he couldn't stand up to his parents , they would disown him.

I kept thinking how is that possible? Parents are suppose to love their kids unconditionally. All I kept hearing was

"You're not a parent, you wouldn't know."

That aside, I now have a 4 year old daughter. It's obvious that sometimes I let her get away with murder but she's my rainbow child.

Now when she grows up, if she decides that she wants to be a dancer instead of working in an office, I will support her, if she brings home a guy who's from a different back ground, it might be difficult but I will support her. If she decides that she supports Inter Milan and not AC Milan, then I'll support her.

If she chooses a religion that makes her feel good , then fine . I'm not going to start telling her that she needs to follow a certain religion because I'm not bothered about religion.

If she decides that she likes girls, guys or both, then I don't really mind.

Why?

I'll tell you and this might be hard for people who care more about what other people think and what their religion apparently says than the happiness of their child.

I'm her mother. I carried her for 38 weeks, through nauseas, heartburn, swollen feet, sciatic nerve pain, then had her via cesaeran. I've suffered late night's, teething , vomiting, fever and constant worrying and I am not going to tell her, you can't do this because I'll get upset.

I will never use religion to emotionally black mail her. That's child abuse!

I will never tell her not to hang out with certain people because their different. And if she asks why they're different then I will explain the best I can.

How can parents turn their backs on their children? What kind of monster would do that. Your child should mean everything to you and all you care about is what people think and what God thinks?

I will tell you what God thinks of you.

He/She thinks you are a self centred poor excuse of a human being who only cares about bullying someone vulnerable into believing your old fashioned made up cherry picking stupidity instead of seeing them happy.

How dare you say that you love your child and then put them through misery because you're worried about what your stuck up neighbours will say. Screw them!

You do not deserve that child that you're bullying.

And please don't tell me I have no idea because I'm not a believer .

A believer of what?

I will tell you what I believe in.

I believe in unconditional love between a parent and a child. I believe in letting your child choose over what they want to believe. I believe in common sense and looking for solutions to problems rather than teaching that you need to ask someone to intervene. I believe in educating my child in the knowledge that everyone is the same and equal rights are for everyone. I believe in teaching the horrors of yesterday so that they won't be forgotten. I believe in telling my child that she can do what ever she wants even if people tell her that she's a girl.

Does it make me a liberal? Am I a heathen? Does it make me feminist? Maybe I'll say yes to all three.

To all the parents who are sticking by their kids whether, they choose to be a different religion, choose a different career, have a partner who is different to what you expect , be it religion , culture or gender, I applaud you! And for those who continue to put everyone but their child's feeling first, shame in you!

With that said I bid you Namaste Til next time.

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Why am I so Frigid?

Namaste guys what's shaking?

Once again I'm taking to my blog and I'll be going on YouTube this week also to talk about this subject.

I've been called a lot of things over the years by people who are suppose to actually care about me .

I've been advised to change my attitude or I won't have many friends and I'll be on my own.

Well for someone who has a 4 year old daughter and a small circle of friends I'm doing ok.

But I've been told that there's a few things wrong with me.

"You're so frigid!" I've been told

Frigid? Let's see.

So me getting annoyed because my partner thinks it's ok to look at other women and tell me how great their tits and assess are and tells me he wants to shag them and if I tell him go a head but you can fuck off out of our house and never come back , he gets upset and tells me I'm frigid for getting it as a joke.

Yeah I'm frigid because the thought of him admitting that he wants to cheat on me annoys me so yeah I must be really frigid.

I'm frigid because I don't want to watch Porn like it was a block buster movie. I'm not physically turned on by a man who shoves his penis up a woman's ass. I don't know if you realise but they get paid to do all that shit on camera. No amount of money is worth me getting butt hole surgery and not being able to poop!

And then I'm overreacting when our 4 year old grabs your IPad because she wants to watch Ryan's Toy Review and there's a frozen shot of the last porno you watched.

My childhood is scarred with my parents watched shitty Italian films with porn and telling us not to look instead of sending us to the next room. We could still fucking hear.

I must be really frigid that it annoys me that you constantly talk about sex and I'd rather you didn't ..

Yeah really frigid.

I'm really frigid because I don't find any of the jokes from the idiotic stand up street comedians about relationships funny .

These idiots who have maybe a following of 200 people in YouTube and everyone else who goes to their street gigs because let's face it no proper venue wants them, are just as uneducated as they are.

And they bring their kids to listen to this shit.

I must be super frigid because I don't find Pepito and Jaimito jokes funny , on the contrary , they make me physically ill.

I have to be really frigid if I'm not laughing at a soon to be married couple from a remote village drinking out of cock and fanny mugs and then hear you suggest we get a couple for my parents.

Are you on drugs?

And finally stop suggesting that you're going to get cartoon porn so we can watch it. The thought of Goku having a threesome with Bulma and Vegeta doesn't turn me on. That one time you borrowed hentai from your co worker almost made me pull an Exorcist on you

If all these things make me Frigid well I'm happy to be frigid.

Maybe you should remember why I'm this way.

With that said Namaste and see you next time.

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

London always Stronger

Namaste guys what's shaking?

I know it's been well over a week since I last checked in but I was figuring out what to actually post. So many things but I will promise you that I won't get political.

London got attacked over the weekend by some idiots claiming to be from ISIL. London Bridge and Borough Market.

The Police shot the attackers dead before anyone else got hurt.

I only found out on Sunday Morning when the "possessed" TV in our too. Came by itself and some people were talking about London being attacked.

I thought they were talking about Westminster from months back.

Then I checked my news feed on Facebook and it hit me.

London was attacked.

But London didn't come to a halt.

It was business as usual despite the attacks.

I lived in London for nearly 30 years before moving to Spain. I remember the bombing in 2005, everyone still went on with their business, The IRA bombing in Ealing in 2001, people still went on. Not to mention previous bombings, before that and people still gave Terrorists the big "fuck you!" By continuing with their lives.

Not even the Nazis could invade during the Blitz and Londoners were like, oh it's just a scratch.

The plague , The Fire of London and even William the Conquerer couldn't fucking break London's spirit and these snot faced little men think running people over and stabbing them , will scare them into submission?

Oh come on, you are as stupid and deluded as the wankers who tell you that you're gonna meet up with 72 virgins after you've blown yourself up along with your bollucks!

And why do you need to use Syria or Iraq as an excuse to kill innocent people? These people get shot , murdered , raped, tortured and lose their homes every day and they wanna see more carnage?

Go and fuck yourselves.

You even kill Muslims for not following your own twisted version of your beliefs.

You're doing it for yourselves.

You're not brave, and you're not soldiers. You kill unarmed people , even kids. What the fuck are you afraid of that a little kid will do? Hit you with a fucking Telly Tubby.

And I know pregnant women can be moody but dangerous?

What gets me is that these are young British people who are killing other Brits in their own country, if that isn't treason, then I don't know what is.

My message to the wannabe terrorists, go and do something useful with your lives.

These rogue imams are too cowardly to carry out these attacks so they brainwash you into doing it.

Get a job or go to college or university, and stop embarrassing your family and your country.

My message to London is stay strong. don't let hate win, be kind to one another. This too shall pass.

We are not afraid.

Friday, 26 May 2017

Stop telling us how we feel!

Namaste guys what's shaking?

In light of Manchester Terror attack on Tuesday, I've decided to shed light on a topic which people don't shed any light on at all.

No it's not about the attack itself , it's about how people react to it.

Personally the image of the 8 year old girl who died as a result of the attack got me in floods of tears. Naturally I would respond to the news in that way because I'm a mother and the thought of someone losing their child in that horrible fashion strikes a cord.

Which is why I don't want to watch the news..

Remember the guy who was carrying his twins who died as a result to the chemical attack in Sarin? I thought they were a sleep.

Stupid innocent me.

When I realised they weren't , I was heart broken.

People cry. It's a natural human mechanism . We cry , when we're scared, sad, angry and even happy. It's a normal thing.

When babies cry , yes it's for attention but it'a because they can't speak ! They're not doing it because they want to manipulate you into getting their way..

When my daughter was a baby , she cried because she wanted a cuddle. So I'd pick her up and then I would get the same dumb assed quote from people who had kids mostly the older generation that I was spoiling her!

4 years later , I ask my daughter why does she want hugs and she said because she feels better afterwards.

Now I am sick of people telling us that we need to stop crying for things we see or read on the news. I'm fed up of hearing how our kids are told to stop crying when they're genuinely upset about something as if their feelings don't matter.

I cannot stand it when I hear someone say that crying is a form of weakness.

I've even been accused of handing down "illness" of crying to my daughter because I cried during my pregnancy.

That last part clearly showed that no matter how hard you try , you cannot fix stupid. And I don't care if you call me out on this quote.

We were taught to hide our feelings as it showed weakness. Well those lessons are now meaningless because I want my daughter to tell me if something is wrong.

I hear "how come I never cry?"

Maybe because you happen to be someone who was raised to be a fucking feelingless android?

Telling us to not cry how and when we need to feel Is damaging to our health.

One example of people telling me that I need to feel a certain way is the times I've miscarried.

It's like "yeah it happened move on!"

I'm not allowed to mourn my babies because it makes people uncomfortable. I've had days where I was absolutely fine and then I'd have others where I just cried for am hour.

Yes it's true that it didn't bring any of my babies back, but the release made me feel a bit better.

So was talking to someone professional who didn't know my story.

My constant battle is making people aware that crying is a normal thing and believing that it'a an illness that can be cured is as stupid as saying there's a cure for gay people.

My final thought. You wanna cry? Do it! Even if it's for no reason! You're your own boss of your feelings.

With that said, namaste till the next time.