Monday, 26 May 2008

When The Dawn Rises.

The next part of my story.

"Well?" Carlos Urged "Come on!"

Maria just gave him a stare which he took as "Shut up Carlos!"

"We´re going back in the 13th century, Most of Europe managed to Survive the "Black Plague" sadly for the pagans who were not interested in converting to christianity, they did not have it so easy.The ever growing fear of the persecution of non believers of Christianity forces people to go into hiding or just to practice their own beliefs and rituals in secret."

Maria paused... She noticed Paco was falling asleepm she turned to Rosa who in turn threw a shoe at him.

"As I was saying." Maria continued

"There was a secret sect though.. They were sworn to protect people who were special. people who could do things that scared the hell out of other people. Magic, They could fly, they were extraordinary. They were risking their own lives to protect these people."

She continued to tell the story as they all listened.

A man stands guard from behind a stone building that overlooks the city. He looks over from across a street and sees another man who signals for him to see if the coast is clear. He looks around to check and gestures with his hands to say yes. The man then gestures to two people behind him to follow him towards the building. A man and a woman. The woman wears a cloak and hood to mask her while the man protectively places his hand on her shoulder and then holds her hand.

Soon they arrive to the building and are escorted in side the building by the sentinel on guard. While the other man runs back to his post, to wait for anymore people or just to look out.

It was a very tense moment for everyone gathering that night, their lives were about to change forever, everything they knew, their way of life, was going to be compromised and they had to act fast.

By the door of this room stood four tall muscular men, in white robes, while standing by the window of the room stood a teenage boy with Olive skin, with very dark brown eyes which made him look like a predator, but he was unaware of it. looking at the man with the dark robes holding a book, waiting for him to address the crowd.

"Father," the boy urged.

The man looked at the young boy, there was something different about this man, he at times would try to hide his identity from outsiders, who not only regarded him as an outcast but un-Christian like. They believed he was not of this continent because fo his dark features,his hair and eyes and no one knew how he had arrived to this city. but he was from the North, from the mountains,Most peculiar.

"We are all in great Danger!" he finally said addressing the crowd who gasped.

"We have not done anything." Cried a young man.

"Why do they keep tormenting us like this?"

"Because we will not give into their demands." The man in the dark robes answered.

"But Manuel," another began "Does the presence of this man in this room, not put us all in danger?"

He pointed to a handsome dark haired man who was dressed elegantly, with a dark cape and, wearing a sword to the side. He was also holding the hand of a young woman.

Manuel shook his head.

"He's one of us." He said "He always has been. He may dress in a different manner, but his heart is true."

"I am sorry that my presence here will evidently cause much suffering." The well dressed man sighed.

"But I cannot let my parents get away with what they have done."

He was truly brave, he was not a born member of their people but he acted like one of them, and he was willing to turn his back on the life he'd always known to help them in their hour of need.


By daylight however it was a different story all together. The people taking refuge in the building were awoken by shouting. The building was now coming is under siege from what appears to be palace guards and a lynch mob chanting slogans and welding pitch folks, clubs, torches and anything regarded as a weapon. Manuel summons the two long haired men in the dark robes like him.

"You both have to leave." He ordered.

"Take Mateo with you back to the mountains, and take the book with you and hide it in a secure place. It must not fall into the wrong hands."

"Do not worry," reassured the man with the black long curly hair. "As planned we will accompany your son to Navarra, Karolus and I will protect the other followers."

"You two!" Manuel ordered to two of the muscled men, who stepped forward.

"You must protect them," he continued pointing to a handful of people.

"But especially her." They nodded.

"See She arrives to her destination safely."

The crowd outside continued to yell and use threatening gestures until a man steps forward from the crowd and knocks loudly on the door..

"Manuel!" he yells out loudly "We know you are in there!"

No answer.

"In the name of the King and the Church, surrender and we will consider sparing your Heretic Followers." The man continued.

Still no answer.

"Do you want to have blood of the innocent on your hands?" The man warned.

Suddenly from one of the top windows Manuel appeared now with his hood firmly over his head, still donning the red robes.

"And what exactly am I accused of?" he demanded.

"Of corruption," the man began "Heresy against the church, poisoning the minds of the young, women and Children and of witch craft!"

"And all this is because you believe the word of a malicious whore and her daughter whose advances were refused by myself and my son?" Manuel hissed.

"No, we have been more than patient for you and your followers to end this barbaric worshipping, which is ungodly."

"We are a peace loving people." Manuel insisted "We condemn violence. We demand to know who has told you all these malicious facts."

"Where we received the information is of no concern to you!" the man snapped.

"We are mainly here to be rid of the evil inflicted by Satan and his followers!"

"We are not Satanists!" Manuel insisted.

"Surrender or we will punish everyone!" The man warned.

At that point Manuel turned away from the window to look at the people looking at him, he was not going to surrender and he was not going to leave his followers in the hands of who he considered evil. He knew why they were being persecuted. Some of his followers had magic powers, some of them were able to teleport from one place to another, fly and do impossible things which made people question them. in this day and age they were accused of witch craft. But Manuel had a special gift even though he was shunned by the city for being the way he was, He knew what was about to transpire and could see into the future.

He was about to address his followers until the man with the mob began to shout.

"We know that the young woman who did the unholy act of conceiving out of Wedlock is among you!" he snarled.

He looked at the woman in question who was stroking her bump who was being comforted by the young man elegant clothing.

"She's married so leave her out of this!" Manuel yelled.

"It is an unholy union and the person who claimed to have married them has been dealt with!" The man spat.

"They came together willingly!" Manuel explained.

"The parents of the man in question did not consent to this union!"

"Prehaps not!" yelled the Elegantly dressed man. "But I gave my consent!"

"We know you could not been of your own mind and body!" The shouting man hissed

"she has surely bewitched you Viscount Florien in order to….!"

"Stop!" Manuel interrupted "The only corrupted minds here are not from within this building! We are not leaving!"

He slammed the window shut and turned to his followers.

"You must all escape." He urged them, turning to two muscular men who knew what he intended.

"Before they burn this building!"

From the outside the man continued to shout.

"The viscount's parents have the power to make this so called marriage unlawful, then the woman will be punished."

Manuel continued to ignore the ranting of this man.

"We cannot leave you!" a young man insisted to him.

Manuel turned to the young man and placed a hand on him.

"Mateo, my son," he began, "If anything happens to me, you will have to succeed me. You and your descendents are charged with an important duty. You have to lead a special army in protecting people like yourself and this couple."

The young man tried to insist, but Manuel was adamant. He gave his son what appeared to be a heavy book.

"When you arrive in Navarro, you must read this book and then go to the house of the Men from the Origin of the "Rising Sun" They in turn will train you into being a leader and in turn you will use what I have trained you as well as theirs to train others. And this book, someone will there, a Guardian, a woman will be waiting to be in charge of it. And one day someone will bring it back here." He continued.

"And as for you two. He continued turning to the two men.

"…We know." The fairer skinned one interrupted.

"Then what happened?" Urged Mateo, still reeling from the thought that someone in this story was named after him.

"I´ll go on."Esperanza urged.

"The people in this fort escaped with ways that they knew how. Some could fly, some could teleport or freeze time. Others just threw out potions to knock some of the angy mob out. it worked."

Most of the people got away but the pregnant woman seemed to leave Manuel behind even with the insistance of her Husband.

"Fleur, Please we must leave!" He begged her.

"Please child, go with your husband," Manuel insisted.

"He will protect you! the others will protect you and Manuel when he has matured as a warrior protector will protect your child and the cycle will continue."

Florien was now having doubts.

"It will be fine," Manuel insisted. "I will join you. You need to be there with your wife. you cannot let her raise your child by herself!"

Manuel placed his hands on Florien´s head and then on the belly of the young woman. he took their hands and joined them.

"Now go!" HE Ordered

They left with the mother of the young woman and some of the children. by teleporting herself, Florien them, and her mother.

Mateo was about to leave with one of the Guardians in white when Manuel stopped them, he was holding the hand of a girl who was no more than 10 years of age.

"Take her with you Mateo." He urged.

The girl was unusual looking, pale skinned, eyes of the deepest blue, and hair the colour of rubies.

"She can not be lost in a convent!"

Mateo nodded.

Manuel bent on one knee to address the little girl.

"Listen child," he began, "you may not underastand this now, but when you are older you are destined to become a Guardian protecter like my son. Your children will do the same and so will their children."

"Will Mateo protect me?" she asked.

Manuel nodded.

Mateo took the girl by the hand and with the help of the guardian they teleported out of the fort with the book as well.

One of the guardian returned inside the building after her Mnauel and other people of their group failed to join them all. They witnessed a horrific site, from the distance, the Fort was on fire and nearly, except Manuel, who was barely alive. he refused to leave and even punched him. The guardian had teleported out of the building without Manuel and soon was in the woods with the survivors.

"The others?" croaked Fleur

The man shook his head

"All dead.." he replied

This news upset Mateo.

"And my father?" he urged

"Why is´t he with you?"

The man took a deep breath.

"He refused to be rescued, he even punched me." he recalled "He told me if I didn´t watch over you, he would haunt me for all eternity!

"Nooooooooo!" the boy cried out. He knew his father had gone forever in the flames.

They all knew that they would never see the others that perished in the fire or even mourn them. the church would either have their bodies burned or bury them in unmarked graves.

After that horrific night, Fleur, Florien and Fleur´s mother escaped to Navarra with some of the followers and Mateo who was entrusted with the child, the rest of them spread themselves around Europe, keeping their identities hidden in case of spies. Manuel´s wish of handing the book over to a Female Guardian. A White witch.

As for the building from where the siege was held, a new building was built on top of the ruins and the bodies of the dead followers. No one was ever allowed to say what truly happened. But rumors were rife over the generations and tongues were wagging. Anyone who dared to say what they thought happened faced extreme punishment. As for Manuel, no one knew what happened to him. Some say he escaped others say he was tortured to death.

Esperanza, took a deep breath. there was silence. No one moved. no one dared to say anything. Not yet anyway.

When The Dawn Rises.

Just messing about with this story.... I´ve been trying to work with it for about a year but things keep changing. Ah well just goes to show that you can´t explain things. You just have to sit back and Enjoy the ride.

Madrid 1917: Some teenage boys are playing on the street and decide to investigate what appears to be a building site for a new building. Not much is known about this area but they decided to explore. Some digging has already begun in order to put down the foundations for this new project. Two of the boys are already down there.

"Have you found anything down there yet?" one of the teenagers yells down to his friends.

"NO..." shouts one of the boys in the pit.

"Nothing but rubble"..

"Buried treasure my foot!" another one tuts.

The two boys give up searching and return to their friends feeling very disappointed.

They become even more hostile when they see a teenage girl walking towards them.

"Go away Maria!" one of the boys hissed.

"Oh Carlito, you still don´t believe in that story about Buried treasure on Calle Atocha."

"What makes you think we were looking for treasure?" Carlos sneers.

The girl shakes her head....

"Because I told you the story about Calle Atocha, and you have always thought the buried secret was treasure!"

"Well what else is it then?" another boy demanded.

"OK so it was a treasure but nothing like gold, Jewllerly or even money."

Maria began to explain.

"It was a book."

"How do you know?" Carlos urged.

Maria drew a smile, which scared the other boys.. It was a cunning and almost wicked smile.

"My God Carlos!" Paco shrieked..

"You were right... Your sister is a witch!"

"Do you want to know more or not?" She hissed.

They 4 boys nodded.

"Then Follow me." Maria instructed..

There was no point arguing with someone as stubborn as Maria, She was Carlos´ Twin and even worse for him his friend Sergio really liked her and therefore couldn´t do anything. She took them to the basement of a house away from the city centre. There were some teenage girls there. two of them looked horrified.

"You bought strangers!" one of them shrieked..

"It´s Alrgiht!" Maria reassured "it´s only my brother and his friends!"

"They´re not worthy!" the other girl spat.

At that point, Sergio grew a puzzled look on his face.

"Not worthy for what?" He asked...

"You don´t know that!" Maria insisted to her friends.

"They are the ones we´ve been looking for!"

The boys were now getting uncomfortable.

"I think your sister and her friends are going to drug us, make us drink blood, strip us naked and then kill us." Paco whispered nervously.

"She´s a witch" Added Mateo.

"You said so yourself. They are all Witches!"

"Shut up!" the girls demanded in Unison.

The boys did what they were told.

"Carlos was right about me," Maria, began.

"About all of us, We are infact witches."

There were gasps.

"But we don´t want to kill you 4!" Added Esperanza.

"Especially not our own."

Now they were confused.. Their own? What did that mean?

"Er what the....." Carlos tried to say but was interupted.

"We´re all part of the same people." Rosa interupted.

"Maria was right, looking at you 4 I see it now."

"What are you talking about?" Carlos demanded.

"Alright," Maria finally reassured them,

"We´ll tell you everything from the begining, and why you are all here. why we are all here!"

They moved in closer and sat on the floor, while Maria sat next to them and began to explain the story.

Thursday, 22 May 2008

D.I.Y. School of Tarot Reading.

When I was younger, I use to hear my mums two friends talk about the time they got tarot readings done. Then I use to read people who well were told that something bad was going to happen to them and if they wanted to know more thy needed to give them more money.

I´ll tell you a story that happened to a person I know. There are some Digital TV channels that show these "Tarot Readers" and people call them to ask a question. Well this person told me that she called up this guy who did readings on an Italian TV channel and all she did was tell him her first name and how old she was. She was shocked when he started revealing things about her life, that she married young, that she had difficulties and what really shocked her was he mentioned that in all the years she had been married to her husband, he has never once paid her a compliment. And this was with 3 cards he picked.

OK this guy seemed to Genuinely know what he was doing. some people who had their own TV shows got arrested for conning people out of money.

Personally I have been doing Tarot readings for the last 6 months. I am not doing it for money even though several people have made suggestions to do so. I do draw the line on those kind of things. I´ve always been interested in Tarot reading. My friend told me her mum did it. I´m sure some of the women in my grandmother´s village know how to use them. It is not only confined to Gypsies and stuff you see at Carnivals. I am still learning and alot of times I ask my friend who has been doing this for years what she makes of them. I use more than one source to read them.

No seriously, I do readings on my friends,their friends, a situation, you know anything. If they don´t want to know then I won´t push them. I did it on myself the first time. I did one recently on myself as the situations changes. Well I live in Madrid now and although things are a bit tough, they will get better. at the moment I am in a quandry over two jobs. Both have something I can learn from, only one looks good on my CV and the other eventually after a 2 month trial will pay better. example the cards for both are good.

And as far as friends go. I chose one for a friend of mine, well I did a "Celtic Cross" Reading for him and it baiscally told me that he´s a creative person and pretty soon he is going to move on to bigger things even though it may be a bit of s struggle. It also said he had to take a trip or had taken one. This was true.

Some people especially the "Tarot Fakers" will read the card wrong or just tell you something else just to get more money out of who ever it is asking the questions. Just remember this important thing I learned about one card I learned years ago.

Death: this card means change, or that something will come to an end or that you need to end something in order to begin something else. It does not mean that you or anyone else is going to die. So if you get a Tarot reader who tells you that you will die, then they are faking it to take you to the cleaners.

This is what I have learned in 6 months. You can have fun doing these readings, that if you get a troublesome Tarot reading, what it is telling you is the possible ways of changing the situation that you are in whether you want to choose it or not.
The last thing the guy said to the woman I knew was that he could only advise her to find away to make things better for herself and that he could tell that she had this attitude "I´ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it" mentality.

The same person told me that I could do better in my life.

No in all seriousness, You can have fun, you can seek advice and you can choose to interpret the readings, whether you do it yourself or get a good friend to do it.

Actually always get a good friend to help you if you are starting to do these readings.

The Photo here is Strength which means exactly what is says it does. Strength. This is my card.

Monday, 19 May 2008

Morgana and "The Zaragozan"

"Hey isn´t he one of them?" I said to one of my friends last September in the Foyer of the Haagen Dazs theatre in Madrid. Everyone was leaving friends, family, fans, Innocence, Carlos, even some of the dancers had already left, except one.

It was pretty hard not to miss this guy. he´s tall with spikey hair and well a goattee that makes him look quite devilish or like a cheeky Greek God let´s say Pan or Dionysis. I thought the whole dance team were fantastic and remembering that my good friend had her photo taken with 2 of the Dancers back in June 2007, decided to follow her example.

My friend, well, she´s one of my heros. I think she is brilliant She has given me so much advice and so much courage since May.

I told my friends Mia and Vivi, that I wanted a photo with a dancer and I didn´t care who it was. so I walked up to him, waited for him to finish talking to who ever it was, to this day I don´t remember who it was, tapped him on his huge arm and asked "Se puede hacer una foto contigo?" and he said "Si!"

Since then I don´t know hasn´t seen the photo of me and the "Zaragozan" it took me 5 months to find out his name and well even though I said thanks to him after the pic. I Would like to tell him again. I wanted to tell him that he and the other guys were fantastic but the words didn´t come out. I was being squeezed like a Valencian Orange he, he, he.

My friend has dropped hints about him somewhere but I think having a moving photo of him dancing with his ribbon is fairly obvious that he means something even if it was a meeting of a few seconds. More on that soon.

In the meantime I will go somewhere quiet. he he he.

I have 2 favourite people from Zaragoza. My good friend Karol and this guy.

Morgana´s First Musical in Madrid

When I lived in London,I always wanted to go and see a musical, but either neither had the time or couldn´t find anyone to go with. So in my last few months in London, I got the chance to see 2. Mary Poppins and We Will Rock You. But there was 1 musical I wanted to watch when I was younger and when it was showing in the UK. But even more in Madrid. especially because of the lead characters of the musical. Beauty and the Beast.

Beauty and the Beast has always been my favourite story, because it´s about seeing people for who they really are on the inside rather than what they are on the outside and sometimes It´s OK to be different.

I was lucky enough to get as copy of a video someone made of the performance of Beauty of the Beast in Madrid with Carlos Marin a baritone with a voice that is just amazing and who is now makes a quarter of IL DIVO. I was not surprised that he played the role of the beast and even luckier for me this performance also has his lovely bride who also has an outstanding voice Geraldine Larossa also known as Innocence with the role of Belle. She was a temp for 2 months but hey even though the quality of this video isn´t good the sound is fantastic.

I wanted to watch it Live and so when I saw that It was on Teatro Coliseum in Madrid, I thought to myself I have to experience it live.

One day when I was out with my good friend Mia and Silvia , we were looking at the cast and one guy caught my eye. I Knew who he was, I had seen him before 7 months before in the Haagen Dazs theatre in Madrid. I quickly told Mia "Oh My God! Look it's Alex!"

Alex Arce Tula, let me explain is an incredible performer. He was part of the dance team Innocence had on stage at her concerts and in her music video and at her concerts he has a 3 minute stint with his brother Sergio doing an Acrobatic routine which was incredible. You were liturally left thinking to yourself "How the heck are hey doing that?" That aside Mia and I were curious to see what role Alex had in the musical.

Later that day we took the decision to get the cheapest tickets on offer and watch the show. And it was well the best decision we ever made. It was different to the casting of 2000 obviously, perhaps they had to change it on the grounds that no one broke a leg liturally. We were scanning through the programme and looking at the profiles of the characters and caught the making of the musical on the screens. pointing out to Alex everytime we saw him and Raul Peña who we met after Innocence´s first concert. I didn´t know who he was but my friend Vivi almost passed out at seeing him. Raul is a funny guy, what made us laugh was his transformation into the character Lefou.

OK the show was incredible. the experience of watching it, energy the singing. Sorry it is so hard not to compare the Beast of now David Ordinas who also has an amazing voice to when Carlos when he was the beast. I mean no one has that rumble in their voice when they sing or can say the comment "Entonces Muere De haaaaaaaaaambbre!" like carlos does but hey I liked David but my faves were Pablo Puyol who plays Gaston, he was outstanding, I liked him... Lefou of course played by Raul Peña who I Can understand why my friend likes him. Lumiere played bt Armando Pita and of course Alex who had two roles Felpudo where he had to sing as well as act and dance and let me tell you he has a big voice for a little guy, incredible and even more incredible was his other role. He was a carpet.

Now we were sitting very far from the stage but we could tell it was him when he was doing the back flips and leaping. Anyone who has seen Innocence in Concert when She´s singing Naturaleza Muerta towards the end can see Alex leap over well another dancer. infact when I was visiting my friend Vivien in Oxford who also has a copy of the Beauty and the Beast with Carlos and Geraldine I made a comment about the guy playing the carpet by saying Alex would make a great carpet. By then I had forgotten he was in this years' production.

Of course for me there was tears. The show proved to be emotional for me, epscially the part where Belle and the Beast are reading in the Library and she tells him that people think she´s strange because she is different. Something that rang a bell with me. I waslucky I had Mia with me at the time and we did laugh when Belle was reading the story of King Authur because we have both read The Mists Of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley.

Julia Moller plays Belle beautifully, and the scene in the Tavern with Gaston, Lefou, Alex and everyone else looked like so much fun, we wanted to join in too.

After the show, it was raining cats and dogs but, we wanted to meet Alex and tell him he was great. we waited for a while and one by one the production left the artists door. we must have looked a little bit nuts, 2 women under an unbrella la la la-ing until we saw a little guy run out. It was Alex, I called him over and well we were talking to him. he is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet and he said he remembered us from September 2007. OK I was starting to blush and I was a little nervous around him but he was lovely. I told him that he had a 14 year old fan in Holland who loves him and if he could sign a programme for her and also one for my friend Virginie who he remembers very well. we got chatting and we told him he was great as the character he was in the musical and in September. I chickened out from asking him something else so instead I asked him how his brother was. We took photos and my fave one is of the 3 of us together, me, him and Mia which you can see. After saying our goodbyes we went home.

My nick name for both him and His brother is Dulce De Leche, for the obvious.... Although I haven´t met Sergio, his face says he´s very sweet too and yes they are Argentine as well other wise i´d call them something else.

Of all the musicals in Madrid I wanted to see first, La Bella Y la Bestia wins everytime. I would reccomend it to anyone to go and watch it. If you want magic, if you want romance, if you want fun and energy, watch this show.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

Morgana and "El Salvador"

The last time I came to Madrid,I was there for the weekend. It was to watch Innocence in concert. The chance to see this amazing singer in concert was too good to miss and the fact that she was going to sing a Spanish Version of "Who wants to Live Forever" with her Husband Carlos Marin was a bonus and Well I couldn´t wait.

Never mind that there were some people who thought I was only going there for Carlos, the same people who have not got a clue about the concept of being a fan of an artist for their voice and not cuz they might look good with their kit off. and Besides as I Said when I went to the making of Innocence´s Video "The Show Must Go On" and the presentation of the video 5 weeks later, It was about Innocenceand those who choose to think otherwise need to take a good look at themselves.

OK that aside while I was there in Madrid at both concerts I had the good fortune to experience alot of things that I would never have imagined in my dreams.

It was there I met him. A man, Tall, olive skin, dark hair with beautiful brown chocolate eyes with long eye lashes to match, eye brows that beautifully sculpted the frame of his eyes. He had this energy about him that I have not been able to shake off since meeting him.

We posed for a photo and in those 5 seconds we posed for a photo, he gave me such a tight hug that I was on the verge of passing out. He had strong arms so He could keep me on me feet.The energy around him was almost intoxicating. He was bursting with energy and that smile was Oh my god.

Since then He has become a muse for me, the type of profession he does is something I have always had respect for and watching him in action was totally amazing.

He has something about him when I see him and for now this is just the surface of the last few months of observation of a man who is truly bewitching as an Egyptian Pharoah.

A man I barely know much about other than his, name his profession and where in Spain he is from.

But soon I will find out more.

Putting my "Faith" of friendship with Freddie

Freddie is a person I am still learning alot about. Some people seem to think they know him well, I Honestly have no Idea why. I believe that you don´t know everything about a person. Sometimes I refer to him as "Faith" because he´s Italo Argentine and of course the first four letters of his name in Italian means "Faith" in Italian. writng a blog about him means that he does have some importance in my life.

The story of the first time I ever knew about Freddie is one that has happened to alot of people. My friend Bless her works with him and thought we´d be a good match, because he´s half Italian, he´s studying to be an actor.Well she told me all types of things and I was not interested in meeting him. Then 1 weekend we were going to go out for a drink and she decided to invite a "friend" too but she said she was inviting him for her. Well she didn´t tell me who he was.

That was when I met Freddie. It surprised the hell out of me when he said "Ahh so this is the friend you were talking about." I wondered how many other of my friend´s male friends knew about me. But I didn´t feel uncomfortable around him. Only before when I felt like I was going to the gallows. This uncertainty in the pit of my stomach. Finally I found out where he was from when he showed me his passport.

The blind date of course back fired on my friend. she left us alone a couple of times only to come back disappointed because we were not locking lips or what ever. Just flirting. There was something about this guy that I like and he feels the same way about me but it´s not like we want to get involved with each other in that way. Everytime I see him, he makes me smile, he makes me cry with laughter with his sense of humour that sometimes can be taken the wrong way and with all men with latin blood he is the biggest flirt in flirtsville.

The biggest challenge that faces us right now is the person who introduced us in the first place. Our friend,who is also his co worker and my flat mate. One minute she´s trying to get us together and asking if we fancy each other, then she´s using every trick in the book to do the opposite.

Truth be told, I have been very clear with Freddie since the get go. We did go through this one phase when I wanted to kick his arse for something he said which hurt my feelings. luckly he saw that and made ammends. But since then, every time that passes and I get to know him, I realise he´s a great person to be friends with and we have a lot of things in common. I can talk to him about energies, theatres, and magic which he pretends he doesn´t believe in but anyone who has a tattoo of a dolphin on his ankle says otherwise. I never said for a moment that he is not important to me. He is as a friend and my feelings for him are those for a friend. We are not in love with each other.

Freddie once told my friend what I represent for him as a person. He said I bring him peace in his life and that I am an angel for him. It took me weeks to figure this out but Freddie for me does the same. He also brings me peace, and trust. Trust that since coming to Madrid, he´s the only guy who sees me as who I am and not everyone is after a place in my underwear. He makes me smile. who wouldn´t he´s cute and sure he´s a flirt, he´s Italo Argentine, that´s like Tiramisu with the top layer completely covered in Dulce De Leche. Imagine how lethal that is in a man and yes I blush but I told him I am not falling for those charms. Freddie reminds me of My best friend in London Tony with the playfulness of Alex. Emotionally we could learn alot from each other things but anything else is platonic.

With Freddie, this is a friendship that needs to be structured without any outside influence and we need to do it ourselves. And every chance we get is fundamental. I have the means and the tools and so does he. Messengers are banned because in the end when it comes to the point that there is a go between we might end up killing the messenger.

My friend once asked me... what happens if well..... Suddenly one of us decided to kiss the other. My answer was one of us would probably say "What the hell do you think you´re doing?" but if something was going to happen it would have in the begining.

Saturday, 17 May 2008

Morgana and her Muses.

I write poetry and I have been for many months now.. These ones are about one of my muses. A guy who I met in September 2007 in Madrid. he has inspired me to do many things and well soon I will tell you about him.

Tormented into Salvation

I know what it means

It's to Save man and Woman Kind

But you saved me too

And now I've lost my mind.

The energy was almost intoxicating

And I can still feel it right now.

There were messages to be read

And I didn't know how.

That smile is seductive

I felt like I was under arrest

But when you gave me that stare

I may have been blessed.

There might be something spritual

You don't look like an Innocent man,

You were having so much fun

You reminded me of Pan.

Those eyes made me forget

At first What I was doing there.

That smile and that scent

Was almost too much to bare.

It's not about being an apostle

It's about following my own way

But you were there to tell me something,

Salvation is the way.

Someone have mercy

I know I've got far to go,

Tu es un Milagro, un Hallelujah,

That was all i needed to know.

Salvame un otra Vez:

No se quien tu es,

Y De donde eres,

Yo Se solo que cuando yo te visto,

tu hablaba con otra medios,

Lo se el sinificante de tu nombre,

es "el señor ahorrará"

pero nunca por salvarme

de tu Sonrisa de diabolico.

Tu no utilizó tan muchos parablas para hablar

pero cuando tu movió a cada pulgada de tu cuerpo

eres una idioma nuevo que quiero mucho intende

Tu fuerza es increíble

no puedo negarlo todo podemos verlo

pero es lo que veo en el interior,

Y que siento tambien,

Esepera un Abrazzo

como la noche de nuestro segundo encuentro.

con la fuertezza y magia,

que ahora no me dia paz

Corona Oscura: Dark Crown

He has a dark Crown,
That anyone can see,
Of spikes made of sugar,
tall and strong as he,

The silver lines sparkle,
And dazzle like his smile,
Makes me often wonder
why it took me a while.

by day the crown disappears,
and curls emerge instead,
But by night it reappears,
the Dark crown on his head.

miro la cara diabolica
y no puedo hace paz,
cuando tiene su sonrisa
y la esperanza de verlo mas,

Tiene un ritmo,
Que te enfrenta cara a cara,
Todo dice que tiene un poder
tambien su Corona Oscura,

The months will pass,
Leather, Black, Cedared or white gown,
he will emerge once more
With the dark crown.

Morgana speaks to me in Madrid.

I love Magic.

We are not talking about the abracadabra kind. I am talkning about the stuff from King Authur´s time, Fairies, witches, legends Gods and Goddesses from Native American folklaw, Celts, Druids and the list is endless. Reading The Mists Of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley was what pushed me over the edge. So when I found the "Oracle of the Goddess" one day while browsing in a mystic library in Madrid, It was not surprising that it tickled my fancy. And I must say it´s been a great investment.

I do readings with these cards on anyone. they are different to tarot reading as most of the time you only need to choose 1 card and it tells you the answer when you look in the book that comes with it. Usually the question I ask is what kind of Goddess represents a person and another card for what they can teach us.

The card I get all the time is Morgana or Morgaine La Fey...

Well read on.

Morgana (Morgaine La Fey)

Morgana is a triple goddess of Death and Rebirth of Celtic belief. She appears as a beautiful maiden, a powerful mother and a scary witch. She was also sea Goddess; her name “Mor” means “Sea” in Celtic her other name “La Fey” has two meanings “The Fairy “ or “The destiny”. According to Arthurian legend, she was the half sister of King Arthur. Some say that it was her who manipulated Morded, the son she had with Arthur , to kill his own father. When Arturo died Morgaine came to his aid and took him to the magical island of Avalon, to cure him of his wounds and then placed him in a deep sleep of which he will wake up when the moment arrives.

Morgaine dances into your life with her tambourines and her magic to invite you to discover and live your rhythms. What are your personal rhythms? Do you know when is the right time for you to wake up, to sleep, to excerise, to eat to create to make love, to work? Or do you waste your energies adjusting your rhythms because of restrictions of work.. or do your family, partner or friends restrict you. Are you so submerged into someone else´s life that you are living their rhythms instead of yours Perhaps you have never discovered your own rhythms and are just pleasing others and are following the current.

But it is important for you to live according to your own rhythms. Flowing with you rhythms will giveyou a lot of energy, because you will no longer be suppressing what is natural in you. Morgaine la Fey says that the vitality, the health and the totality are nourished when you flow with your own and singular rhythm instead of that of others.

And I am not the only one. Some important people who are in my life right now, I have taken this card for. I am coming to grips with following my rhythm but somtimes it is not so easy. But I am not going to fall into the trap of following the rhythms that are not my own.

Morgana´s Last Few Hours in London.

The last few hours was a true test. Everything was packed, my flight was in a few hours and in 48 hours I was going to celebrate my birthday in a place where I´ve always felt my home.

I barely slept the last 3 and a half hours. Suddenly the bed I´d slept in, over the last 5 years in the home where I lived with my family for almost 22, was less than comfortable. I spent the last few hours there thinking. Thinking of what the next few hours was going to hold for me. It was full of excitement but at the same time fear. Fear of being stopped from embarking on this life changing experience. I thought what would happen at 4 am when I was lugging my suitcase down the stairs with the remains of my life belongings and suddenly being stopped by my father and being asked why was I still going to Spain, then quite possible using every tactic in the book to talk me into staying in London. Just as my brother tried doing hours before.

Well the last few hours was spent in a relaxed mood. I went to visit my friend Norma and had my last meal in the UK which was a traditional Fish and Chips. OK I have to admit I have better but since it was my last meal in the UK I was not going to complain. Then I went to visit my great aunt and then shopping in Camden town. I found some novelty "Jesus" T´shirts which made me giggle.
Then I went to visit my mother in hospital which poor thing was holed up there for the last 5 days. During Easter too, bless her. She knew I was going to Spain and even told me to go, but her mood changed. This was when the emotional blackmail started. Not from her because she knew that once I have some thing in my head I was not going to Change my mind. That was when my brother stepped in.

Now if you think about it, it was the biggest excuse in the book to get me to stay in London. Mum was in hospital. She was there due to an illness we thought she had at the time, but it was not life threatening. She was in good hands and if anyone was even listening to both me and the medical team it was a managable illness. But as usual, in our family, the medical stuff has to be dealt with by yours truly.

Well my brother, despite the fact that I am older than he is, was trying to act responsible. Most of the time he acts like a complete arse and then thinks he can give me orders on the grounds that he bought the house we were living in and he has a job working as an office drone. Telling me God only knows how many times that we had to stick together because we were a family. Family? since when did we become West London´s answer to "The Mitchells"? Since when did it become mandatory to drop everything just because of family. Let´s face it both side of our family are not exactly close. Everyone is out to back stab each other and now My brother was trying to use this excuse. If it were my father using emotional blackmail, he´d use the fact that me and my mother almost died twice. the first time she was miscarrying me and the second was when she was giving birth.

It wasn´t like I didn´t care about my mum. It was because I cared about her I was doing this. I had been planning this for weeks. Actually come to think of it years. I just needed to a push. I was planning an escape Wentworth Miller´s character Michael Schofield in "Prison Break" would be proud of.

Oh and then there was another excuse which was priceless "We are an Italian Family" Christ it was even worse than the first one. That might be alright for some people who don´t have a problem with their parents and their friends meddle with their affairs, but i am not a steriotype and I am not about to let people run my life. It was the same excuse my father used when I was seventeen.The truth was that I hated having to use that as an excuse of why I was still living with them.

The last 5 months before my departure became an emotional journey for me. When I left Madrid in September 2007 my heart sank, like it always did, but I had a feeling I would be back, and this time for longer. I looked back at the things I discovered and rediscovered about myself and decided that I was going to Follow my heart. My gut feeling was to plan for Madrid after everyone had gone to sleep. There was only one way I knew I could go out there in Madrid and live in peace. Not tell anyone in my family I was going out there for good. Not even my friends, only a few close ones. Once I made the mistake of confiding in someone whose parents knew mine a very long time ago. Never again.

OK here´s the deal. I have always known that I was different from everyone else. They don´t seem to understand that for me finding my path has been difficult, sometimes restricted because I have never have the freedom to express myself and past experiences have left me, well cautious. I need to do this on my own, and perhaps the circumstances have been less appealing. It took failing my second year at University and the betrayal of my boyfriend of 6 years to make me finally see that I had to open my eyes to things that were waiting for me. And there was no way I was moving back to Italy or moving in with a person who hasn´t yet clocked on that he is turning into my father.

I was getting tired of having to listen to the constant arguing in what was a melting pot in a sess pool of a town where I was day by day losing my mind. constantly being reminded that I am getting to a certain age where by now I should have settled down with a job. a family, a home. This to me is all aload of rubbish because there is no time limit on when you should settle down. It was time to go.

The whole time when I was getting out of the house, my heart was pounding. I almost hurdled down the stairs with my suitcase and at the same time imagining the newspaper headlines of the Southall Gazette "Woman Breaks Neck In Escape Attempt" I was shaking like a leaf. Luckily My father had gone to work and my brother was asleep. I had to talk out of the house with no shoes on and carry my boots in my hand. That point I didn´t care, in 6 hours I was going to be in Madrid. Nervously the driver helped me load my belongings and drove me to heathrow where I caught the bus to Gatwick.

In the 3 hours from getting on the plane and arriving to Madrid, there was a mixture of excitement and fear. I wanted to make sure I was physically there in Madrid before I could sing victory. The greatest feeling was arriving at Barajas Airport arrival´s lounge with my belongongs, being greeted by my friend Mia who was there in Madrid to support me . I knew then I was not dreaming. in 24 hours I would celebrate my 29th birthday, but that day would also be a birth of a new me.

This is my story....

This is my life
Living Madrid.