Saturday 29 July 2017

Time to banish those awful name suggestions!

Namaste guys, what's shaking?

There's been blog last week for health issues. The god awful back ache is almost too much to bear.

But let's skip that and move on to this week's topic.

Last week I went on about how families whether intentional or not hijack your pregnancy because they still think we live in the times of old testament and their opinion matters.

I don't mean to sound rude but not happening and own thing that still annoys to this day is suggesting names that they like for the baby because it has some meaning to them.

Really?

Before our daughter was born we already had her name chosen after we found out we were having a girl. Some people thought we needed their help in chosing a name.

The suggestions were pretty horrid. One guy actually suggested his wife's name which was Dominga which is another nick name in Spanish for "Tits" .

My mum suggested "Angelita" after a little girl some American soldiers found dead on a beach during world war 2. Really I'm gonna name my kid after a dead one?

I've heard even shitty suggestions for a boy.

Don't these people realise we're the parents.

Oh but some dads need a reality check too.

Steven was suggested , it still is. Why? because the dumb assed dad loves Steven Seagal. I won't even consider Stephan because it's the same shit and I am not naming him after a biblical character who gets stoned.

Other names like Brad, or Tom. I don't like Tom Cruise and why would I name my kid after actors. I even was suggested Kimberly. One I use to know a complete bitch named Kim and 2 you may as well suggest, Kourtney, Kendall, or Chloe. The last one is not to bad but my niece is called that.

And what is suggesting biblical names? I know a kid called Gaddiel or what ever. It's an old testament name. Obviously his parents didn't stop to think how this name would affect him in school .

Sounds like Gangrel , the wrestler who had the vampire gimmick years back. Actually Gangrel sounds better.

This kid's oldest brother is called Jairus. Sound familiar? I mentioned last time that my father in law is obsessed with that name and wanted to name his Grandson that. It sounds awful in Spanish and fuck knows the version in Italian.

I hate it. It's up there with Steven, Tom, Angelita and Dominga.

Jonah is another one . Why do I want to name my kid after a guy who was swollen by an imaginary whale?

I was even told that I should consider the name of the guy who supposedly found the Arc of the Covenant. Fuck no, it's hard to pronounce and besides he's a fraud.

Every time I see my father in law using a market on some bible chapters , I'm thinking "I hope he's not looking for possible names because I will tell him no way!"

Just like I did the other day when he brought up Jairus David.

No.


I promised myself that next time I will get smart and not tell people my choices because its none of their damn business.

And when I do say something and they're butt hurt about it, so what? They can get over it.

Everyone else's suggestions can hop onto a boat and sail all the way to the Island of butt ugly names and leave me the hell alone.

Saturday 15 July 2017

Either say nothing or gracefully put your foot down.

Namaste guys what's shaking.

Since a lot of people I know are expecting a baby in the near future I thought maybe I'd shed some light on a few things.

Let's kick off with a when you should tell people that you're having a baby? Obviously you need to let your job know if your employment involves heavy lifting and stress. Or if it's high risk. Or you work with people who are constantly sending you to do heavy lifting .

If you have one of those bosses who is a complete cunt then you need to perhaps speak to a representative or a solicitor about him/her.

When should you tell people like friends and family? I would say wait as long as you can because God forbid something happens and I am sorry to tell you that it can happen , then you need to then tell people something else. Wait til you are into the second trimester or when it's really starting to get obvious.

Avoid advice that people from older generations will tell you.

I've heard stupid things that pregnant women still hear from people who haven't realised that its the 21st century.

If you've had multiple miscarriages and every Tom, Sick Larry tells you you need bed rest. Unless one of these is a doctor , don't let them scare monger you.

When people insist that you literally need to eat for 2 when you need to consume about 300 extra calories after the second trimester.

Sure there are envious people who aren't as happy as you are and will tell you old wives tales but I'd just ignore them. You have an obstetrician, family doctor, nurses and midwife that will put your mind at ease if you have doubts. The rest is common sense.

Suddenly everyone is an expert in pregnancy and what you can or can't do which is why do don't feel like telling anyone just yet.

Don't listen to people who tell you that they are going to curse you or say that "God" will punish you for what ever reason. If you really have to answer , tell them what I tell them "aren't you a little too old for imaginary friends?"

Don't let people hijack your pregnancy .

What I mean is that people and I mean family and friends will start planning things as if being pregnant has robbed you the power of free thinking and speech.

You can either say thanks for the input and be polite knowing that you or father have made your own plans. Or tell them straight what your plans are or tell them to mind their own business.

Food suggestions is another, when they tell you that you have to literally eat for 2 as i mentioned earlier or certain foods are good for you when they were on the obstetricians "do not eat" list. Like Cod Roe.

I have never understood why people insist those tiny eggs are good for you. Surely it isn't.

When you tell people from an older generation that you are not permitted to eat certain things and they tell you "oh but I ate this when I was pregnant and I was fine!"

You tell them that either times have changed or that what ever you can't eat now is probably because of contamination.

And then people go ahead and bring you or make you something that you dont like or have been strongly advised to not eat. Then when you refuse they think you're either overreacting or ungrateful. How about asking first before acting like some kind of self appointed pAtron saint of prenatal nutrician!?

Names is another thing that causes arguments and stress.

Some Grandparents still think that parents need to name them after them or what ever name they tell the expectant parents.

I was named after my grandmother whom I didn't meet. It was both my father's and grandfather's idea.

Boy have I struggled with my full name to the point that I only use it in formal stuff and work. Now it's constantly associated with a murder victim.

My daughter is named after a song because her dad wanted to name her after the actual singer but I reminded him that people would think less of the artist's talent and more Of the reason she died.

Actually I may reconsider Amy in the future. Lots of kids are called Elvis.

A lot of people didn't like the name because it wasn't common enough or biblical enough and made suggestions. By the time we went the registry office she had already had documents with the name we gave her or in this case she did a Leonardo Di Caprio and chose her first name he self by kicking.

Kindly say thanks for the suggestion but we are sticking to our choice.

If they get upset then so what? My parents have told me more than once that they won't get upset if I choose not to name my kids after them.

My reason to not let people influence me was because I didn't want to make the same error as my mum.

As I mentioned before my dad named me and my mum could name the next baby what ever she wanted. Her first choice was Elvis but my grandma talked her out it. Why? She was free to name him what ever she wanted.

That's why I didn't take suggestions and will never take suggestions.

And if they tell you to name your child after a relative who's dying or a name they like, don't fall for it and don't feel bad when they begin to try to emotionally blackmail you.

It's your child, not theirs.


Please don't give your child a name that is out dated or hard to pronounce. That goes for old biblical names. Why Would you that to your child?

My father in law is obsessed with the name Jairus. He tried to suggest it to his ex daughter in law ,my partner's ex who refused which means that she does have a tiny bit of common sense in her head.

I'd rather Caleb than Jairus. it sounds awful even in Spanish. Sorry for any one named that or naming their kid that.

We did think of Jacob for a boy then thought against it, especially with it becoming popular after the Twilight saga.

I could go on all day about this but I'm thinking that maybe going more in-depth with a video.

That being said, namaste til next time.


Tuesday 4 July 2017

Am I Ready?


Namaste guys, what's shaking?

This past week has been awesome with regards to the World Pride celebrations here in Madrid. People coming together from everywhere and just having a good time.

My daughter and I loved going around Chueca! Eating rainbow coloured cakes, stroking dogs and generally saying hi to people.

But come Monday , when the celebrations were over , I was back to my ugly reality.

A partner who is so set in his backward ways that it's embarrassing not only to me but to our daughter. Someone who thinks he can cure a lesbian with a "good fucking" .

The same person who told me the reason I'm having trouble conceiving again is because it's punishment from God for the little bag of witchy tools I have under my bed which has a lock because he can't be trusted.

The same guy who accuses me indirectly of being a bad parent when he's got 3 kids (or 4 depending if the 17 year old named Sebastian is really his !) And one other woman had an abortion because he was a cunt to her.

Yet I want another baby .

You're probably asking why? Everything I just stated above is enough to put me off from even sleeping with him. Why did I have another baby with last time when i miscarried at 18 weeks beforehand knowing that he didn't want one?

Because I wanted one for me not him.

During the pregnancy it was going ok, it wasn't til the day she was born and straight after things changed. He didn't understand that I was tried, I had a baby and I wasn't interested in him physically.

I've changed. I'm more aggressive , I snap at just about the first instance of hearing or seeing something wrong.

I even thought about leaving with a new born because it was too much . I had post natal depression but the baby's father was causing it.

Things got a bit better but it wasn't the same..

Again you ask, why get pregnant again?

Everyone knows that "bandaid" babies don't fix relationships that are reaching the end.

Why don't I give up ? Surely two miscarriages one being in the second trimester should be a sign that I should stop at one child.

Why If I'm so unhappy , even my sister in law can see that I'm only in this relationship because financially I can't cope.

I don't even know. I'm not even in love with the guy like I use to be . I mean obviously I care about him because he's the father of my daughter and we've been together years but most days when he goes to work or when I go to work , I'm glad I can actually breathe easy for a few hours.

I'm currently not in a great environment to be raising my 4 year old, why do I want another baby with a guy that I am no longer in love with?

Because I want one for me and I want my daughter to have another sibling that she can grow up with. That's why. .

I'm 38 years old and I only have one ovary, the change will be coming in a few years.

This time it will be different.

I am willing to do it alone. Go to all my appointments alone, go to all the classes alone , even look for other ways to earn money whilst on leave. I don't want to feel Like the way I have done I all my pregnancies.

The only good thing is that I will be alone in late August. The circumstances won't be ideal and I'm feel really bad that this person is dying but at least I will have time to think about what my next plan is , should I become pregnant for the 6th time.

I am battling this topic on a daily basis. I am looking at this on a spiritual level and I am reflectingon this personally to understand if I am truly mentally prepared to bring another child into this world.

Anyway that is a for today, Namaste til next time.

Sunday 2 July 2017

So you think you can do better?

Namaste what's shaking?

These days I feel a bit drained, what with being broke, having my father in law in hospital and having to go to work and share a space with ex co workers.

But the thing that runs me the wrong way is indirect attacks with the way I am raising my child.

Not that I care what anyone thinks but I would like to point out a few things.

First of all there is no correct way of being a parent, you are constantly winging it.

If I choose to let my 4 year old use her dad's iPad so I can bloody get the house work done or get through a session of DDP yoga without being interrupted, then I will bloody well do it.

Secondly my Daughter loves climbing up and down the poll on the train and going around in circles. Apparently there must be something wrong because I have never told her to stop doing that.

The only way she is going to learn that its dangerous is when she falls and smacks her head!

Thirdly the older generation and some uneducated folk on my side of the family would tell me that I needed to baptize my daughter before the age of 3 or else God forbid something happens to her. She's 4 and a half now. That kind of emotional blackmail doesn't work with me. Besides she survived 9 months of gestation.

Next, why don't I take her to church? Because I am not going to force her into something she doesn't want to do. Unless she asks me which she has and I do take her sometimes.

Why don't I teach her about the Bible? Again, when she's old enough to choose what she wants to believe in , she can read it herself.

Apparently I'm a bad parent because I'm taking my daughter to the Gay Pride Parade! She wasn't in any danger 3 years ago when I took her with my best Friend Mimmi and people thought we were a same-sex couple taking our daughter out for the parade. Not that we corrected them. She was happy that someone gave her a rainbow coloured flag.

I've told her that this year we're going to a big party with lots of rainbow flags, happy people and people who look like her uncle!

Oh and a friend of mine is performing so we're going!

I need up tell her about hell? No I don't. I will tell her that there is no such place and if you do something wrong, you are accountable not some make belief scapegoat.

She still thinks it's normal that Sponge bob lives in a pineapple under the sea.

Bed time is another issue, apparently I shouldn't co sleep with her and I shouldn't let her sleep so late.

Like I keep saying each to their own.

Why do I let her have a meltdown in public? I don't, she meltdown on her own and I've learned to make her stop, just to start running. She snaps out of it in no time.

And I do not appreciate people pretending to perform van exorcism on her. She's only having a meltdown, she's not mentally unstable.

And I hear I would never allow my child to act like that.

Say the people who were even worse as kids and wouldn't accept the sex of their baby until the last month.

Why didn't I name her after a relative, or the saint who's day she was born on?

Surely by now you have realised that she's my child and I will name her what ever I want.

Why isn't she fluent in 3 languages like you?

She will be when she's ready. And I am not sending her to shitty after school language classes. I want her to integrate with the other kids her age, not isolate her. We're not going back to Italy any time soon or the UK. There is no rush.

And lastly, I give her chocolate and I spoil her. Someone call child services! I'm spoiling my only child, the one I had after suffering a late missed miscarriage and two more after that!

I would give her a giant toblerone if I could just to annoy people!

I'm not being aggressive here. I'm just challenging anyone who think they can do a better job of raising my child.

Can you?

I didn't think so.

With that said , Namaste to all of you til next time.