The Incredible Shrinking Me.

The other day when I was taking a walk to Cuidad Lineal, I noticed that my jeans seemed to be looser than the week before. So I decided to weigh myself. I thought it's probably nothing, I've worn out these jeans for the last fortnight I couldn't have possibly lost weight but in fact the scales weren't lying and neither were the clothes that were a little tight on me either.

I did begin to wonder how is it possible that I lost weight this week.

In the last month, ever since the early days of January I've lost 11lbs in body weight. That's three lbs short from a stone. Now I would be lying if I said that I'm following a meticulous dieting regime where no sugar, fat or carbs were allowed but the truth is, that in the last week, I've done nothing but eat rubbish. Not to mention candy and chocolate sundaes. Last Saturday I had two egg and sausage Mac Muffins.

It could be a number of things and pregnancy isn't one of them. You're suppose to put on weight not lose it, unless there is something really wrong. I am not taking dieting pills and grapefruit juice is a little hard to come by where I now live.

There are a few things that I've stopped eating or eating less of. For starters, I don't eat white bread any more. I didn't eat so much of it back in London but seeing that it's cheaper I use to buy lots of it. But for an extra euro, I am willing to make this sacrifice. I don't eat so much mayonnaise and introduced a lot of vegetables and salads in my diet. There are a lot of other things I am not eating. I wish I can say chocolate but I'm a woman for God's sake.

I know it can only be one thing. Stress. With moving stuff, from flat to flat, Moses being away in Peru, that time of the month arriving two weeks after the last one and having to deal with the 30 and 40 something women all acting like they're five at work, I'm overstressed. I wonder if the grey hair I found this morning was the result of the last couple of weeks. That and the in explainable weight loss.

That grey hair was not there last week that´s for sure!

Don't get me wrong I am really happy that I've lost weight but 11lbs in the space of 3 weeks for me is not normal unless I weigh 90 kilos which I don't.

I need to get to the bottom of what ever it is that is making me lose weight. Sometimes when I get back from my walk from where ever it is I am going, I feel really light headed and dizzy and that's 3 hours after I've eaten a big meal. I

I was ironing my uniform and I came across one pair of pants that I have to wear. I have them in different sizes, 12 and 14. I thought the 12s were the bigger size until I started Ironing the other pair. And as for the T shirt, God it's huge!

Right if this keeps up I will need to seek medical advice, even if it is in the most depressing district in the City of Madrid. Perhaps there is an explanation to all this. Hopefully it's not Thyroid or even worse a tapeworm.

I'll keep you posted on how things are.

Hugs

Morgana.

Life's trials tests and Rituals.

I recently bought some books from my favourite book store in Sol known as “Bohindra” I often don't need an excuse to go in there to see what's new and most of the time when I have money I don't leave the store empty handed.

The books I Bought in there were presents from my best friend Vivien. (thanks Viv!) who has been in that store when she was in Madrid too and one of the books I am reading right now is by an author known as Migene Gonzalez Wippler. The book is called “The complete book of Magic, spells and Rituals” and it's an interesting read.

There was a chapter about initiation and rituals which interested me.

Think about it, when we're kids and we want to join a club, they the other kids in this so called “special club” make you take a test. Whether it's pushing someone in the opposite sex's toilets or vandalising a teacher's car, it's an initiation of some sort.

It's more or less the same thing. In some societies you have to pass an initiation in order to come of age or to be worthy of the society. The Templars had to do it, the Ancient Egyptians, the Aztecs, the Incas, I could go on.

What this book also mentions is that when you are initiated, it is not easy as you think, often it's either painful or humiliating or both. This made me look back at my first three months in Madrid.

Perhaps I was a little naive when I first moved, then when I realised that I had to do things for myself and not let anyone do it for me, that's when the real initiation started.

Coming to terms with manipulation, back stabbing, bouts of jealousy, people not turning out to be the way they were. Almost a fight to the death to be me. To be accepted in a city which I had only seen through the eyes of a tourist. But after all that, I realised why it was I was here in the first place.

I've moved to five different places to live in the last 10 months and that includes London. Now I feel comfortable where I am an perhaps having to move everything on my on on the metro and being left with 6 euros until pay day was another test to see if I am worthy to live in Madrid and accept help when I need it.

The biggest trial was getting back in touch with my parents. Last month I had to ask for financial help. They were reluctant at first. But when I told them about the high rent and the fact that I had asked them before and they didn't understand that things were really tight, they finally understood and agreed to send me some money. Since then our relationship has been better.

Bearing in mind that considering the financial crisis that Spain seems to be in, I am a lot better off here than I was in London. I don't think I would have coped with the financial crisis in the UK. My brother is out of a Job. After 30 years of working in the same place my father is going to be made redundant in two months because the factory is closing down and my diploma as a nurse if i finished it would have not meant a thing since things are so bad.

OK getting back to tests, I am as I mentioned yesterday being really tested at work. No one minds their own and I think now it's time to move on. There was a time when I got on with everyone at work, but it seems that apart from all the men there gay and straight, 4 female and most of the managers except one, everyone else seems to try and wind me up proper.


Now I have already said that I won't be responsible for my actions even if it means punching someone's lights out regardless of whether she wears a manager's uniform or not.

Then there's the other skills I've picked up. At the moment Moses is in Peru and he hasn't called me yet. Now he'll contact me when he's ready but the weird thing I can feel that he's OK. I did have a couple of dreams about him which were not clear but at the same time, they're telling me not to get worried and while I'm on vacation from work just enjoy the peace.

Perhaps this is another initiation. Seeing how I can cope for 2 weeks on my own. Well I don't mind because I've got a lot to do in my new flat as it is.

In my last flat I did exactly get the shock of my life. If there was ever a test to see how I would react, then this trip to the post office was it. Luckily I responded in a way which says “yeah it's normal so?”

OK i'm a little hungry, time to cook up some risotto with squash and onions. This is what I have left from my freezer and I still need to go back and get some frozen chicken breasts from the old flat and some pots and pans

Hugs

Morgana

The Wild Chick Returns.

I can't believe it's been three months since I last posted a blog on here.

Well a lot has happened in the last three months. I've moved again for one thing. The rent was way too high where I was living and keeping my poor kitten locked up in my room while I went to work was not what I had planned when I decided to move into the flat.

I've had no internet for 3 months and I was paying for a subscription which I was not getting at all. I thought with the money I was forking out I could have easily got wireless but nevermind.

Work is still the same, apart from the fact that although January is when things go quiet, it has been really busy but more on that later on.

Oh yeah and Moises is visiting family in Peru there are a number of co workers mostly the women, hell bent to make my life a misery. it makes me wonder if they have anything better to do.. guess not.

While saying goodbye to Moises at the airport, I did meet his sister too which for me is a lot when a guy introduces his girlfriend to members of his family. it was a very hard goodbye. but the 10th Feb is around the corner.

I have a lot of catching up to do. I need to find a flight to Stockholm to visit Mia but it's not as easy as it once was. But I'm sure they'll be some kind of sign telling me what to do.

OK enough blabbing for now. the Internet here is a little limited and I just wanted everyone to know that I am alive and well.

Sadly the cat had to go but she's in a nicer place instead of being locked up. I've always said, I don't want an unhappy cat.

hugs

Tina