Morgana in Madrid

Turkies one needs smacking and the other needs stuffing for good.

2011-08-31T23:35:00.000-07:00

what a few days so far. I've been faced with 2 major turkies.

I'm on vacation In Italy visiting my parents. I thought I may as well do it now before I get too big and It'll be impossible to travel. I already found it hard lugging a 20 kilo suitcase around Rome, I hadto get a few condutors to help me. And I've had "jet lag" for two! not to mention one or two disappointments with the attitude of my cousin who's also pregnant. Apparant she can't come and visit me because of the "cats" my mum had in the yard. the cats don't go in doors. some stupid idiot has told her that cats can cause miscarriages. what? our mothers have been around cats while they were pregnant and we turned out fine!

That's not all, she also said since I'm on holiday, I should visit her? excuse me but I also have this thing where I can't go near any animals what haven't been vaccinated. goats, chickens, cows, sheep, pigs. so i'd rather stay at home. or is she annoyed that I didn't bring anything.

she needs to be the centre of attention because she's pregnant? I understand she's been trying for the last 10 years but there's no need to get territorial! mum's really pissed off with her. if her mum was alive she'd kick her arse for acting like a spoiled brat. any way I knew this would happen so I was prepared.

And the other turkey of the week goes to this village singer who isn't worth 2 cents. The guy is 68 years old steals music from other singers like Ricky Martin, Aqua, La Bouche, and recently Sharkira, and turns them to shit by writing his own crap which is basically about sex, football and religious stuff.

this complete twat was doing a gig, around these parts and my parents went. they can't stand the guy but my dad owed his brother my uncle a favour and drove him to the gig with his family. I stayed at home because we had been driving around to see relatives in the afternoon and the baby and I got motion sickness, then the thought of seeing this guy in concert and listening to his crap made us feel even more sick.

what really annoyed me that at his age, he does all this sexual insinuation like a real artist who's 30 years older than he is. that's disgusting, especially when there are young kids at this concert. and why oh why does he sing with his adult kids? to give him more credability?

i've been told that on this occasion he wasn't even singing. it was all play back, lip sinking and his son doing all the work.

These poor village mugs don't know any beter, they think he's some superstar. yeah right, "Tonight, live at Wembley Stadium..... this twat!" please. it goes to show no one goes out anymore.

my advice, retire, you were crap then, and you're not getting better with age. I know in Naples everyone thinks they can make it as a singer but this guy's been trying for years he should have stopped when a real record producer laughed him out of this office.

there is a funny moment with this. my parents forgot the keys to the house so I Had to wait for them until 2 am to come home. they didn't have the key to the gate either so I hd to get out and open the gate door with the loonatic dog trying to push me over! God it was like waiting for a couple of teenagers.

Perhaps it's a warning of things to come. I hope my kids don't come home after going to see some crap singer at a village carnaval. i'll be like "bollucks, you're going to see Eminem, even if I have to drive you myself! and take uncle Jules with ya!"

Very far from the tooth fairy!!

2010-08-21T12:43:00.001-07:00

Remember a couple of years ago when I had tooth trouble and everyone was nagging me to see a dentist?

Well after having been to the emergency room in Madrid and given pills. I thought that was the end of it. until 5 months later when it began coming out in pieces. I was left with half a wisdom tooth. it was a year later that I went to a dentist. I didn´t have a choice since it was my friend and sister of my boyfriend.

a couple of weeks ago I was in agony. I thought it was gum problems but before I could say I´ll be fine, David was on the phone to his sister booking me a late night appointment to see her the next day.

result.... Root canal on one of my front teeth. apaprantly it began rotting when the dentist in the UK. put in the filling when I chipped it. this was why I never went to dentists.

And as for the rest of my wisdom tooth? it fell out in 2 pieces last week.

The way the crisis is affecting spain these days I think I need to give the tooth fairy money and not the other way around.

A new start.

2010-07-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

It´s been almost 6 weeks since I moved out one of the worst sites in Madrid and according to Luisa, it´s always been horrible, just in the last few years it´s highly populated by unsavory people.

I had realised something after moving out. And I didn´t need half a bottle of mojito and telling my friend to keep his hands to himself to make me realise what was going on.

I was still in Love with David. and he needed to know it.

It wasn´t going to be easy. he saw this completely differently. after all lhe had hurt me, he´d left me so many times and used the same excuse to justify himself. I couldn´t bare this happening again so I tried to move on without him and make him see that I didn´t want him hurting me.

I even asked to be moved to another site so I wouldn´t see him but I thought abouot him every day.

I can´t say it´s been easy but there was something he needed to tell me something which was the cause of of all this suffering. of why he left me so many times and why me using Tarot cards made him uncomfortable. because he was hiding something and he didn´t want me to find out.

he eventually told me. At first I was pissed off but after that there were no more secrets and now he was going to do what it took to make this relationship work and he was willing to sort out the problems he has there in his on country. and he means it this time.

He knew this was the one thing that bothered me. he told me that he had time to think of all the things he did wrong in our relationship, that he took me for granted and this time he was going.

everyone makes mistakes. I made one too a huge one.

Sadly a few are not happy that we´re back together but they´re not our families. in fact they´re glad. his parents want me to visit them in Lima.

as for everyone else. well they can take a hike. everyone is quick to judge. None of them have a right when they don´t know the story. they have never known. These vultures have been meddling in our lives for years.

it may take time to heal some of the stuff that went on and it may take time for the two of us to do what David asked me back in November.

the other night I dreamed I was pregnant. funny he had the same dream as well.

We may have had our differences, and as Mia says we act like 2 teenagers when we´re together but things are different.

They are. When you see what you are about to lose in a moment.

Next time, 2 blogs about Madrid´s crazy moments.

Not coming near within a five mile radius

2010-06-09T00:06:00.000-07:00

What is the general malfunction with men? if they´re not hiding something from you then you find out things about them that make your stomach turn.

mine did with the so called "Maths" `Prof in the last month. I don´t know what time zone he came from but when things are done in a team it means shared. not that I get left carrying the can. I was a substitute for his mother or something.

I did find out that he left a message saying that he hoped that I didn´t steal anything of his when I left.

I mean he may have been a mathematics professor but is he really that thick? or is it something that all men do, lose all reason from the waist down?

If I wanted to take something of value, I would have started with the 900 euro flat screen TV, the lap top and the computer but I have no use for any of them.

His flat mate broke my mug I brought from London but that was minor, I can easily go to the store and get another one. Actually his flat mate was quite pleasent but I wasn´t even allowed to talk to him.

He wanted me to grow my hair long when I told him that it wouldn´t look good. and he referred to me as "his blonde" well thanks to a bottle of red dye I´m no one´s blonde. plus there were other nick names that he called me that made me ill.

the final straw was him making imitations of me. that teared it. I can´t stand it. all this because I didn´t get him a drink. what his hands didn´t work? Since when did I agree to be his made.

That was original when he said he wasn´t looking for a slave he was looking for a woman? from what Century? the 19th? And in case he forgot I am from Europe and I grew up in a big city. And he said he was going to raise my self esteem and the day it grew I´d leave him.

OK I know my self esteem is an issue but all this loser wanted was to lower it some more so I wouldn´t leave. I did when I realised that he listens to his big ego too much.

I didn´t have a life at all. it was go home after work and wait for this jerk.

He said he didn´t like lies? he was doing it himself. I´ve never met anyone so lazy in my life. at least my brother picks up his cup and washes it.

what was this moron´s excuse? he was training me for when I had a baby. ugh with this guy? Imagine me with another version of this moron. It should be outlawed.

A man who does fuck all in raising his on child and he complains that his ex wife won ´t let him see his son. Can you blame her?

well I left him to fend for himself. well he´ll have to learn. actually he´s had time he´s almost 40 for crying out loud and if he can´t then that´s his problem.

Anyway I wanted someone intelligent and the universe partly responded. there were parts missing. there was me thinking, there was someone I can talk to about my interest in metaphysics and esoteric stuff. At first he said he was interested but afterwards referred it as mumbo jumbo. imbecile

I won´t cry now that I´ve gotten shot of him in fact I don´t care. why do I waste my time shedding a tear for this creep.

I am no one´s blow up doll that they can do what they like. and let me tell you thinking back makes me fell physically sick.

I went back to being me. living on my own. cooking on my own. Going out on my own and going to sleep when I feel like it.

from now on no guys even if they look like the guy from the Saturday Night Fever musical in Spain.

the guy said he was hired to resolve problems. maybe he should look closer to home. it makea sense why his ex wife took off with their child. he´s impossible to live with.

he went from turning into a polite well mannered man into something completely different.He was rude, childish, unbearable to be around and had to have everything his way. why should I do all the work. I literally did everything.

Last week by accident two of his work t shirts got damaged. he went mad and said I needed to pay for 2 more for damaging them. yeah right and who do think paid for my lap top when it was busted? he sure as hell didn´t and he damaged it. I think he was doing it to annoy me and then my camera.

2 weeks ago I went to See Tiziano Ferro and I had photos on the camera which I had not even looked at because the batteries died. what does he do he tells me that he accidently deleted all my pictures on the memory because there was a photo he didn´t like and wanted to delete it. his excuse the instructions were in English.

Bullshit. he has told me many times that he can read English but lacks pronounciation. I guess he did it for the t shirts. and what uncomfortable photo was there? the only one I can think of is with "El" and I have explained it to him.

That annoyed me, he had no right at all.

now not even God is allowed to touch my electronic stuff without my say so or if I am not in the room.

I did spend a really uncomfortable night which I will not get into right now. but to cut a long story short it was me, my friend and a bottle of mojito and it may have been the drink.

It was the drink.

well i´m grateful that he came to the rescue. he´s always saving my ass. but I have made it loud and clear that I am not interested.

And there is one other person who I wish was alot braver than he is. something is still there but it will be the same anyway.

so from now on no men. I am not going to burst into flames for being single. I get more work done on my own.

next up a review on a movie!!

hugs

Things that make you feel queasy.

2010-06-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

Somethings are meant to be and some things are meant to be left alone.

Now up until a few hours ago I was with a man I had a high regard for because of his intelligence and class. or so I thought.

Then I moved in with him and saw his true colours.

He said in the beginning that we´d do things as a team. of course. I was left with all the house work and on top of that my job my studies and not to mention his.

and everything had to be perfect.

I am a bit unorganised. that I know. so what.

And on top of that there I had to be submissive to other stuff which I won´t mention.

the partner I had before him, may not had been able to remember how many women he had slept with but he sure had a different view on prostitutes.

this guy told me that him sleeping with one was not actually cheating as this was an object he was purchasing.

he´s still putting his willy in someone.

no thanks. to make things worse his score was 1000. that made me feel ill.

So I did exactly the same thing when I was living with Eli only this time I stayed quiet.

I waited for him to leave, did a couple of things, rang a taxi and my friend. got all my stuff ready and we are talking a lot of boxes here and got the hell out of there.

I am going to be me for a while.

I like being me.

next stop hair dye.

and thou shalt fear the wrath of Morgana!

2010-03-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

I am in one of my moods. My monthly visitor is due or as someone will put it "the Peruvian flag" and I usually get very touchy.

but the last fortnight and a half have been ups and downs.

It all started when I was in church 3 weeks ago and it was the time when I not only thought "OK" I have had enough with with illusion!"there was a guy who was preaching about how we should all give an offering and we´d be rewarded in "Heaven". hmmm you have to do a lot better than that to make some of us part with our money like that. this guy at the end was giving "blessings" at the end to people who were in the front and by passed me. maybe because he knew I wasn´t falling for this anymore.

I did feel that something was going on. I could feel nervousness and fear. it was coming from 2 people I know. and well I knew from the way they were talking to each other that they were breaking up or should I say "Breaking off".

Breaking off is when a couple split for a short period, become friends and then somewhere long the line go back to being a couple.

I had the unfortunate task of accompanying Maria home. then she went into how my relationship with David was bad and if one of us die we´ll end up in hell.

OK for those of you who have read any of the books by Neal Donald Walsch, Eric Pearl and many others who givde you an idea of what hell is, you´ll know it was an Illusion. I say was because I don´t believe in it either.

OK She said she had a book to give to David to read. like heck that would happen. but I told him all this because there is more. David is separated but legally on paper he´s still married.there was some legal bollocks that got him in this situation. it wasn´t a question "I do" more like "I have to do it or I´ll end up in prison".

we women can be very mallicious.

Suddenly he decided that what we were doing was wrong and decided to end it!

this whole "Ned Flanders" routine bores me everytime someone decides to give him the willies. it doesn´t last because no matter what happens we still end up together. you can imagine how I felt. I was devastated yet again. funny enough I knew this was coming but didn´t do anything to stop it or fix it.

I spent days not wanting to do anything other than get hammered. He wouldn´t answer my calls because he had actually sent me a text message saying it was over. finally when he did want to talk he saw the devstation he had caused me and now we are playing by my rules. we´ve started over to fix the problems. the religion isn´t the issue here. I had his sister on the phone to me telling me what a bone head her brother was and how do I put up with him. but hey we´re not at a better place. well at least I hope we are.

I have decided to do something with myself. so I went to the one place that actually makes me feel better when I am really feeling like shit. No not church. a co worker tried that as well and I didn´t feel better at all. it´s the same old nonsense.

I went to Bohindra. my favorite shop in Madrid that sells all kinds of stuff to do with the Esoterical world. or as Mia would put it "Magical shop".

I saw that there was a free seminar of triple goddess tarot. so I joined that and the week after I bought the cards. there is a paint your angel seminar next month and I have started Kundalini yoga again.

OK, I ´can´t be mad at Maria forever. but not content with souring the stay of many visitors with her band of radicals on a weekly basis she has to sour my life as well. the poor tourists come to Madrid to see Madrid. with these people hanging around with their guitars and their "feel the wrath" lectures, they may not want to come back!

My wrath is pretty scary as well.

the funniest thing did happen to me last Friday. I went out with 2 friends to a Latin night club and well It wasn´t too bad. a lot of guys asked me for a dance and that was it. but that wasn´t the funny part. about 2 am the club was raided by police in riot gear. they wanted to see ID. ok fair enough. I was at least hoping for the trouble we´d get a calender each of these gorgeous police men!

This Sunday I have a birthday to go to but it means sitting through 2 hours of a lecture in church which I´d rather run for cover. I am not going to inforce my views but for all I care my "father in law" could be the pope and it wouldn´t make a difference.

I´m off to Italy on the 22nd. Alone. Since David acted like a complete arse, I´ve told him that he will be staying in Madrid while I relax with my family and spend my 31st birthday with them.

I´ll write again in here before I go!

2010-02-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

Same old story… different energy demon.

I thought in a previous chapter, I had made my point clear about energy demons and how to spot one. I thought I´d learned from the last time after my experience of living with Beatrice. I thought that living with her was the worst thing that could have happened to me.

Was I wrong.

Unlike Beatrice who still needs to grow up, I was expecting a little more maturity from Eli who happens to be a year older than me and who apparently has experienced a lot of stuff.

How did we meet? A week before I went to London to visit my parents and my brother. I wanted to lose some excess weight found a leaflet of someone selling a popular slimming product and so I called her. I told her I´d be interested when I got back from London.

And I Can´t stop praising these products but at the time, I didn´t see that she was a control freak who needed to have the last say.

I guess that´s why Nata kept her distance.

I made the mistake in deciding to move in with her. But there was a problem. The room I was suppose to be renting was still occupied by the previous tenants. At first I didn´t mind sleeping in Eli´s room until they went but it got to the point where Eli was getting paranoid that they were going to put some kind of hex on her and because I didn´t want to see her stressed out, I suggested we´d sleep in the same room.

Until they left of course but when I finally got to move into my room, she insisted on sleeping in there too.

Then there was the issue with the food. I I´ve been taking these products for about a year and I´d taken it before in London. I know what should be avoided and what you can eat. I like to put herbs and spices in my food because of the influences over the last 20 years of my life but she needed to take control of the food as well as what I did during the day and we were sharing the keys to the flat.

Even we went out she had to take control of the food. I hardly went out but recently I´ve been out regardless if I have money or not. She isn´t in my head anymore to control me.

Fancy giving a guest a broccoli salad. Bring on the rice anytime!

She needed to control everything.

Then there was something else that really pissed me off.

She and David never got on from the word go. He saw she was controlling and was doing it in front of him and she had a problem spending my free time with him or doing things for him. Excuse me first of all, he´s a guest and second he´s my boyfriend. You can´t invite someone around and then expect to order them around.
We practically fought every week over Eli´s way of controlling and he didn´t like the idea that I was paying rent for a room that wasn´t mine.

She had the cheek to tell me that he was the control freak.

I had to listen to how I was suppose to manage my relationship with my own boyfriend who know a lot more than she does. What because some guy fucked her off who was South American, it gives her authority to interfere with my life? I mean telling me that this guy was only with me for money. Yeah since when has David asked me to give him money to send to Peru? He knows not to ask because I even if I did have it, I wouldn’t give it to him. She gave me advice on how to be like her cousin who used her looks to get what she wanted and that I should be the one who uses David.

That wasn´t the only problem.

Like I´ve mentioned the esoterical world fascinates me. I have a number of books and there are some shops that I like that are in Madrid. I have recently gotten better at reading cards. Eli had a friend who was very into Santoria and actually made it as her livelihood. Now she would apparently call her every week to ask what was going on and this woman apparently would predict stuff in her life. Always bad stuff. She did mention that I had “good energy” and that I´d bring her luck and money.

Yeah, good energy to suck and money to fleece.

The most annoying thing was that we had to share the key. Which meant that for a month, I had to wait for her to arrive home so she wouldn´t be locked out. Her ex tenants wouldn´t answer the door apparently. They let me and David in fine. I had absoloutely no social life at all! The only social life I had was going to visit her friends. If she´d been blonde and Spanish, she´d be another version of Beatrice but more vicious!

My land lady where I live gave me the keys the moment I moved my stuff in! you see this chick needed total control and constantly fed me her sob story.

I won´t even go into the specifics on when she thought we´d won something on the lottery. Our numbers didn´t come up but she insisted that I didn´t know what I was talking about.

We were suppose to be dieting but since she couldn´t afford the products that month and knew I was on the diet she´d stress me out to. sabotage I guess.

The recent problem was with the tenants that were suppose to leave. This woman apparently told her that they would do everything to make us argue. Well that was impossible because you couldn´t have an argument with Eli without her having the last word. She would send money to this woman and the last bill I saw was for 400, euros.

400 euros? Hold on, I had to listen to her complain about how she was out of pocket? She wanted to take out a loan but because she had a bill to pay with some phone company they wouldn´t give it to her. She said it was because her cousin cursed the loan. She wanted me to take out the loan but I knew this was not going to happen because first of all it would mean going to Beatrice´s to get the work status because it would be delivered there.

Suddenly going to business with her seemed like a bad idea because it would mean I had to dedicate all my time with her like I had done in the month I´d lived with her and not go out and see anyone. My friends, my political family and David.

Speaking of which, If it wasn´t for him, I´d still be living there. It was thanks to a friend of ours Juan, who told me about a room which was being rented. That same night, they told Eli exactly where to shove her room and we took out what stuff we could carry. She insisted on wanting to talk to me but neither David or Juan were going to leave me alone. I was frightened.

Eli always told me never to tell David what was going on in the flat but once I told him, he said, you´re getting out of here today! I´d actually asked him to come over and stay the night to protect me.

I told him that the night before, Eli´s friend was hinting that I send her money to buy stuff to protect me and then there was this other stuff which made me sick and this was coming from Eli because I didn´t hear this from her friend. She referred to David as the “black rock” in my life and I needed to get rid of him, that he was using me and I´d end up babysitting his spoiled kids when he brings them and his “wife” over. She said it was a shame that I became really attatched to his brother and sister because I didn´t mean anything to them.

Then as if this wasn´t bad enough she was like “Oh you´ll feel a lot better when we have our business up and running!”

Like Hell we were going into business.

I was a nervous wreck, I was eating garbage, i´d lost weight which usually happens when I get stressed out and she made a habit of bossing me about and yelling at me and trying to get in my head. Her friend apparently said that if I can read cards then I know what I have next to me,

First of all if anyone here is the black rock, it´s her. If anyone is sucking my energy, it was her and if anyone was doing the manipulating, it was her.

I bet her friend didn´t see me leaving so quickly.

I´m glad that it´s over with, because Juan invited us for Spaghetti which he´s quite good at making and I bought the mojito! We had fun chatting about stuff and that if Eli bothers me, I can call the police because without her work permit which seems to be a common thing with a lot of Colombians, she´s illegally in the country.

That night, I slept in my room, that I´d paid the rent for, with my boyfriend who was allowed to stay and guess what? My land lady likes him! nevermind that she´s also Peruvian.

I thought I wouldn´t have to hear from Eli again but ahe kept calling the day after. I refused to answer and I ended up having to face her at work.

I knew something was up. I was extremely jumpy all day and my left eye was twitching. She showed up when I was in the lounge. I refuaed to answer her calls so showed up in person to tell me that I had her laptop charger and she needed it to chat to her son. Well she was going to have to wait. She then asked me if there was a place we could meet so that David wouldn´t find out. What? She knew he wouldn´t send me alone to meet up with her and if it was true that the three of us couldn´t be in the same room together then I knew there was going to be a “blood bath”.

So I asked Juan my new neighbour for his help once again. David had already asked him but he suggested that we bring his Spanish girlfriend too in case Eli decided to pull one of her stunts. After that the four of us went out to “Latin Brothers Show” a night club and forgot about it until the weekend. David was showing me how to dance.

The day of returning Eli´s charger had arrived and it dawned on me that I also had stuff there that I´d left. When we went there, Vicky and I went to get my things while Juan waited downstairs in the car. Everything I had left was already bagged up and boxed. The boxed stuff was actually rubbish but I was ready to get rid of it. The only thing that was missing was 2 pairs of boots, 5 books and a USB. Don´t know what she thinks she can do with it but for now I don´t care.

She insisted that she wanted to talk to me alone but I said that I didn´t have time. She was hell bent on having the last word but I wasn´t interested in listeing to her rambling and screeching as I had done over the last few weeks. Vicky had told her that she had no right showing up at work and she tried to explain that she hadn´t been as bad as I thought. OK. Sleeping in the same bed, taking control of the food, trying to get me to take out a loan. Insulting my boyfriend and getting in my business, the bullshit with the keys resulting in me hardly going out because apparantly the other tenants wouldn´t answer the door!

It felt good to think things alone and to do things alone! Thank god I don´t have to worry about the keys. I can just stay out until the cows come home and If I get stressed out or having a period from hell I can eat all the chocolate digestives I need to de stress. I can eat a kilo of rice without anyone telling me that rice is “bad”. Since when? I´ve eaten rice for the last 25 years and I´m still alive. It´s people telling you that you can´t eat this, that and by no means don´t eat that that will make you anorexic. What´s with the “you´re not drinking that!” well Eli, you can now speak for yourself love. What´s this about trying to turn me into a “Latina” I don´t want to be anything or anyone else other than me!

Suddenly the trips I wanted to make now involved her and it was to bring stuff. Suddenly she wanted to tell me how to save my money and what to save it for. She even told a friend “Oh we´re saving for this…” No I was saving for this and that for me and since when did she fit into my holiday plans. What was she my lover? I don´t think so.

I took a photo of my kitchen cupboard where I now live. Pasta, biscuits, condiments, spices, meatballs. And yes I have tuna which I don´t need to share. The last time we ate salad she complained that there wasn´t any tuna! She insisted on me making the tea like it was an order. “Isn´t someone suppose to be making the tea?”

I had an ex boyfriend who was like that. Notice how I mentioned the word “ex” I told him where to go.

Who was the jealous one here? While I do appreciate some of the things she did, I was stupid enough not to see that all this came with a price.

Yeah having to live with a paranoid control freak who honsestly thought that her ex tenants were going to put a hex on her and spread voodoo powder on her or what ever shit and was drawing me into the paranoia too. I couldn´t leave the flat because she was afraid that they´d put something in her stuff. God did I feel like an imbecile.

Like I said that is over!

Recently I went over to a friend´s for lunch. Boy did it feel good to eat “Papa a la Huancaina” and Spaghetti with chicken. We´d chatted for a while her grand children ran amok.

It will take me a while to recover from this. With Beatrice it was easier than this but this chick was so paranoid that it began to rub on me as well. I mean some of the shit that she and her voodoo friend were feeding me had left me feeling a bit paranoid for a few weeks that even after I left her flat I was having doubts of my own boyfriend. What can I say, Beatrice was trying to turn me against Mia and Eli was trying to do it with David not to mention all my friends.

I won´t have anything to do with this chick. I mwwt her for a drink or anything. I won´t go and see her as my boyfriend would put it "ni cagando voy da sola!"

Out of Hell and somewhere safe!!

2010-02-15T02:58:00.000-08:00

I haven´t written a post in almost 2 weeks because I have moved yet again.

At the moment I don´t have internet which is a small price to pay for getting a bit of peace and being able to live on my own!!!

i´ll explain it all in a longer post later this week but in a nut shell just as I thought I was in a good place with a friend who I thought I could trust and wouldn´t be out to hurt me. I was wrong.

Very wrong.

it took my boyfriend and a 2 friends to practically rescue me!!

I was in hell and for those who seem to have an idea of what hell is like.

wait till you read my next blog.

stay tuned

Addiction to "Sweet Milk"

2010-01-22T04:57:00.000-08:00

My first impression of "Dulce de Leche" or "Sweet Milk" was shortly after I moved to Madrid in 2008. Mia and I were taken to this restaurant where the food wasn´t that great. We had this dessert and it was quite good but the idiot water decided to add something to it garnish. plain yoghurt. And it wasn´t sweet either. that put me right off until my last visit to London where my late friend Norma ordered some and decided to swap it for my cheese cake because it was too sweet.

A jar of Dulce de Leche will cost from 3 euros but for that price you can get 3 cans of condensed milk and do it your self. By putting it in a pressure cooker with boiling water for 45 minutes.

There are many names. Dulce De Leche in Argentina. Arequipe in Colombia, Manjar Blanca in Peru (so tthat´s what it is) and Cajeta in Mexico.

It can be addictive. My flat mate Eli is Colombian and surprised the heck out of me when she prepared it. we had a can between us and for two people who are trying to maintain the weight they were at before Christmas. it doesn´t help. it´s not fat free and it does not doyour teeth any favors.

Especially when your dentist tells you that you need 12 fillings and a wisdom tooth pulled out.

I had to hide the second can we opened last night from Eli!

Being Me

2010-01-16T02:22:00.000-08:00

I looked back at the last 12 months with joy sadness and perhaps with a different perception on how my life in Madrid has been since I last moved out of another flat. Somewhere between shoving all my belongings a shedload at a time on Metros for a week and then going on the move again using a shopping trolley from "Eroski" I discovered that I´d lost myself somewhere.

And just recently I´ve found myself saying "where have you been?"

OK I appreciate everyone´s intentions in wanting to help me find my way, get comfortable or what ever it is but, I need to do this my way. And if it means going through every single one of my chapters of the book I have been writing for almost 2 years and re wrtie it, then I will.

Don´t get me wrong, I´ve had some interesting experiences and my experiences come to life when I´ve lived them.

As some of you, once in a while my sixth sense decides to reveal itself. It can leave me shaken but For those who think that it´s evil or It´s messing around with I "Un Godly" things. perhaps they should dig deeper. I know that there are people who are hiding something. perhaps a gift that they were happy enough using when they were younger but got the "lecture" about how wrong it is. And maybe they still do it but hidden.

The only difference with me is that I´ve only just started and I only want to do good. I only want to help if people let me. I don´t offer miracles because as I said I am still learning.

Tings would be a lot easier if people just faced their fears. I know a couple of people who need to face theirs. I know what base of their fear is and they need to wake up and face them head on. Because I am not going to do it them for them.

Last year I had to face one of mine. Of course what I didn´t know was that I was heading into an "ambush" which OK at the time worked. I couldn´t spend the rest of my life being angry at that person or at myself. It wasn´t my fault and that person wasn´t in his head at the time.

The important thing is that I survivied and I´m free.

I´ve decided to show my true colours at work. I said that I would be putting my foot down more often. I just take everything with a bit of calm. So what if there were a shed load of people queueing up for food? there were other restaurants as well in the airport and if the managers are so concerned that there aren´t enough chips why don´t they give them to the customers raw? Oh and this is precious. I can´t thank David for bringing me a box of fries anymore because these people immidiately think that we´re up to something. I don´t see anyone else giving me a hand in the kitchen and unless we have our hands all over each other then they can tslk but until then....

So what if I speak more languages than they do. it´s a free country last time I looked and if I want to comment in English then I will.

And this is the best part. I decided to lose some weight that I had put on during the summer so I asked a friend of mine to sell me some Herbalife products and then a month later I asked for her to sell me the liscence to sell so I can get the products at a discount. I managed to lose 20lbs in the first 2 and a hald months and sbout 30 inches of hips, thighs, bust and waist. which is impressive. I´m now what you call a size 36 in most Europrean clothes shops and I´d dropped 2 dress sizes. I feel better than I´ve felt in ages.

But as usual some like to comment. I´ve heard some say that this is nothing bujt a fad diet, that it´s all going to go back on. Apart from the 6lbs I put on when I was in Italy, I stopped taking the products for a month and only gained 7 inches everywhere. Everyone at work can continue to eat the junk there which they call "food" if they can call it that because it marvels me how they can tell me that they´ve all put on weight since starting work there and ctitise my quest in putting heathly products in my body which have been selling for 30 years and the sole reason why the this product was created was so that people could lose weight safely and not put chemicals in their bodies.

David takes Herbalife because he was nursing a pot belly that would make an "Ekeko" proud and he only had to take it once a day. And of course there were comments made towards him to.

What you eat today, will have effects tommorow. believe me I´ve seen it in my family and other people I know. I´m not saying you can´t eat this or that. Just be careful.

I seem to be taking a few other things with calm where as last year, I would have gotten upset, I guess some people need to learn that they are not the centre of the attention or God. I had an incident annoy me right off earlier today and I am not going to put up with it. rather than keeping quiet, I am going to politely make an issue about it.

Sorry but no one will be spared this time.

I think I have been patient long enough and the true me is not going to take a back seat again.

New Year, New flat, New years resolution

2010-01-12T13:28:00.000-08:00

It´s been ages since I last posted and a lot has happened.

We´re already almost 2 weeks into the new year and in the the space of 12 days, I´ve moved flat where I´ve moved in with somoene who is on the same wave length as me. I had a good feeling about Elizabeth from the start. well she´s the one who sold me my Herbalife products to begin with and well things are going on swimmingly. I am quite happy to pay 70 euros extra for a bigger room, running hot water 24 hours a day and a sitting room.

And internet access. what a relief that is. I can write on here again and blog.

2009 will be remembered for a number of things. Reconnecting with God. I am not ashamed to admit that I have a daily conversation. However I take a different approach because while a lot of people in my circle mainly my "in laws" pray out loud I´m like... "hold, on how am I suppose to have a conversation if everyone else is talking at the same time!" I still prefer to do it the old fashioned way. in my head and I like to keep my conversation in private!!.

Finding out that my boyfriend´s dad is a preacher. Which explains a lot about him. a whole lot. I knew it. it´s still scary stuff actually listening to him sing in church.

hmmm the way Mia, Elizabeth and I think, a few hundred years back, we´d have been hung, drowned or burnt to the stake. I am not going into what fear due to ignorance can do to a person right now. can´t can´t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can remind them that there are even older ones that don´t hurt.

OK I seem to be getter better at divination. I have 3 tarot decks, 4 angel oracle cards, I unicorn deck and the Goddess deck and it seems a lot of things that have come up have actually come true. God I scare myself. I read that if i stayed in my old flat another month, things would be uncomfortable. sure it was. I felt like a friggin teenager, my boyfriend couldn´t stay the night in case the kids in the flat saw him and asked who the weird guy was. please what did they take me for some kind of hooker? it was only one guy, my boyfriend who they all met. you try showering in cold water in the morning in December.

there was a girl who moved in and left after 2 weeks. like I said things are on the up.

I did one a few weeks ago about work and that came true. Someone would be causing me grief but that will soon sort itself out. God it was like Christmas had come early. David managed to find out that one of the managers was leaving. when I found out it was Jessica, I felt like one of those people on those "Mastercard" adverts. it was priceless. she did made a snide comment saying that I wouldn´t miss her. I almost couldn´t hide my grin. I didn´t wish her luck or hug her or say I´d miss her. I don´t miss her. and if she thinks she´s got it easy in the other place. she´s wrong.

Apparantly she was moved because she couldn´t work in the same place as her cousin. please. God knows how many complaints she´s had from people. Her cousin will be on leave soon. for being pregnant. ahh a bit of peace.

Most of us started the new year in peace. well I did. I coulnd´t get drunk because I had to work so there was me with my bowl of lentils and grape juice. David spent it nursing a hang over. the day after my friend called me about the spare room. well there are one or two things to sort out but hey, one thing at a time.

I´m sure you´ve heard about the "Air Comet" Scandal. I wish I could say that thank God no one I know was caught up in it. My friend Erick, poor sod is stuck in Lima without a return flight. he needs to fork out a shed load of cash to return to Madrid. My friend´s 2 year old Grandson is in Ecuador with his mother who not only has to pay her flight ticket but his as well and when they flew out there his ticket was free for being under the age of 2.

I knew something wasn´t quite right with this Airline. I had a bad feeling when David flew to Peru for what was suppose to be 18 days. 18 turned into 33 and this was over Valentine´s day. Imagined how irate I was.

But as usual no one was listening.

I´ve come up with a few new year´s resolutions. lose some of the excess weight i´d put on in Italy and during Christmas. I´ve managed to almost get back to the weight I was before I went to Italy. more on that in another blog. the other resolutions are save money, see a country I´ve never seen before, get another job, learn a new langauge. I thought Quechua. It might come in handy.

and seeing a dentist. since David´s sister is an orthodontist and will see me for free, I don´t have an excuse not to go. but I hope my teeth won´t scare her.

The Christmas Party at work was a scream. we went to a spanish place near Plaza Mayor but the management didn´t bother to ask the staff where we wanted to go and what we wanted to eat. I managed to get into a dress that I couldn´t get into for 7 years and even loaned it to Mia. The boots were killing me though. I did get me revenge on one of the managers who was very drunk. make a small video of her dancing with Giovi.

My last hang over was 3 days before Christmas. My friend´s daughter´s birthday and David and I were invited. I was the only non Peruvian there and we got hammered, danced... I had to be drunk to dance. It´s not difficult dancing to Peruvian Folk music. after about 6 cavas. Carapulca and rice was on the menu. it was delicous but god was it ever spicy. but it didn´t seem to do me any harm. It was too much for David who not only was ill but so hung over the day after that he was in bed all day.

I told him that he has to accept that he can´t handle his drink like his use to. hé´s getting on a bit. I joked and said "I think I´m more Peruvian than you are mate!"

Dina, my friend that is, will teach me "Lomo Saltado" for reasons i´ll explain in another blog.

but for now it´s healthy food with very low fat, protein veg fruit and few carbs. yum.

This weekend would have been Norma´s 69th birthday. Norma would have probably had a few jokes about this number. her ashes are being scattered on Saturday and I´ve enlisted my friend Guille in a dedication of my own. There be a photo of that shortly.

Happy New year to all!!

El Inti De Oro: a place worth getting Lost over.

2009-10-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

I thought since My Blog has mostly been about Madrid and up until a few months ago, I was reviewing musicals, concerts and other places I had been to. why not a restaurant. and Since I have made no secret at all that there are certain things I love and certain things I don´t like.

We went when Mia back in April when she came over for a week, for the IL DIVO concert in Madrid.I arrived at her hotel room at midday and we spent the best part of early afternoon looking for a restaurant that some of my friends suggested we go and eat before going to the IL DIVO concert. It was called “RIBS”. Which gave you an idea of what was on the menu. Meat and lots of it. We didn't feel that this place had anything appetizing and since we had a meet and greet, there was no way we were going to this, full, bloated with meat breath.

After that we got a bit lost looking for “Touch Me” a shop where they sell gothic clothes, for example, Corsets, capes and lots of weird and spooking things you might see in a Nacho Cano musical.

We did find a couple of places which were the subjects of hauntings and murders, and there was some pretty interesting clothes shops that I hadn't seen before. This was Mia's first trip to Chueca and of course I couldn't resist showing her my favorite bench on Vasquez de Mella Square. Looking back on it, she wondered how close I must have been to meet everyone at the closing ceremony of Gay Pride in Madrid in 2008.

Travelling all the way down to Anton Martin, we decided to see if we could find the “Peruvian” Place she wanted us to visit, ever since she came out to Support me in March 2008. She couldn't remember the name of the place, only that it was next to a vegetarian restaurant and it was in a corner street after passing the Westin Palace Hotel. The fact that it had been a few years since she had been there with her partner Ulf and their Spanish friends meant that we didn't have much to go on. We spent the best part of an hour looking for it and I suggested that we look for clues for example it might have some tapastry or it probably had a girl's name like a lot of the Peruvian places I'd been to.

After making a wrong turn yet again, I suggested to Mia that we look on the next street. And said if it's not there we'll go else where. Suddenly Mia remembered that the restaurant may have been located where we would have originally turned. I had a feeling that It was around that area. She suddenly remembered that her friend was telling her about the attempted uprising in Congresso de Diputados in the early 80's. It was a bit of a coincidence that I was reading about this place the night before only to find out it was a clue.

After a few steps, from the distance I could see something which looked like a sign with a gold disk. It rang a bell but as soon as I read “Peruano” and Mia confirmed that this was the place. We went straight in.

My God was the place impressive. It everything in there was Peruvian all over. Even the waitresses were dressed in traditional costumes. There were maps, paintings tapastry and a table with every food product you'd find in Peru. We were quite hungry but it took us ages to figure out what we wanted to eat. Since the vegetarian stuffed yucca wasn't on this menu, we decided to try something else. I hadn't tried it yet even since going out with David and he's suppose to be an expert at making this dish. (he is as well, he even taught me.) The ever impressive Ceviche.

Ceviche or “Cebiche” is a dish which is prepared with either fish or seafood. It's marinaded in lime juice for a few minutes. I didn't think there was anything more delicous than Sushi until I tried this. I guess it's Peruvian “Sushi” because the fish is raw. Still that didn't stop us from ordering one between us as a starter. That and a “Pisco Sour” each.

I have to say that was heavenly, but I will argue that David makes a delicious version with Octopus. yum

I may have explained that this, (Pisco Sour that is,) is a typically Peruvian cocktail made with a drink called “Pisco” and from what I understand contains syrup, lemon juice, egg white and sugar. This tasted better than the other version we had in September. It was sweet,it gave you a warm feeling on the inside and even though you could taste the strength of the alcohol, you could feel it. That was what a cocktail was suppose to taste like.

We ordered a “Picante Camarones” each. Which was a sea food dish with a rich creamy sauce. There were about 6 Tiger Prawns or Crayfish, I'm not sure what, the plate was nicely decorated but not to the point where you thought “wait are you suppose to eat it or put it on display?” We thought the music was very relaxing, typical folk music (I'll get back to what it's called.)

I thought the signs on the toilets were a scream. They were typical Peruvian expressions used to describe the opposite sex, like “Guys and Dolls” “Dudes and Chicks” this was “Cholitos and Cholitas” I though it was hysterical. I did explain to Mia afterwards and she told me the stories Ulf told her of his
childhood in Lima.

Time for another “Pisco Sour”. We realised that the glass was a lot bigger than the one that we each drank from in “Fogon de Claudia”.

Needless to say that the second glass was making us tipsy. Very tipsy.

No meal would have been complete without a dessert so we tried something that we didn't know what it was. “Suspiro Limena” or “Limean Sigh” I guess it means it was discovered in Lima. And what a discovery. It was a caramel based dessert. Forget “Dulce de Leche” this was delicious! That and the coffee liquer shot with cinnammon we had each compliments of the house.

It was their way of saying “We know you think this place costs an organ to eat here but we want you to tell everyone the food is great and we treated you really good so you can come back again and again!”

Mia Obviously came back and I did too.

there is a Menu of the day where if you have no Idea what to have as a starter, they bring you a dish with every Starter you can think of, with Papa rellena, Ceviche, Anticuchu, yucca... yum.

Anyway if you happen to be in Madrid and want to try something Peruvian with a 5 star feel. this is the place.

for more details. here´s the website.

http://www.intideoro.com/

Saying Fairwell to a Good friend and an Era.

2009-09-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

I have been contemplating on how to write this blog over the last month and words seemed to fail me. I always knew this day would come but it still doesn´t ease the pain. I am going to talk about my late Friend Norma and what kind of person she was.

Norma passed away last August in her sleep in hospital which at least is a comfort knowing that she wasn´t in any pain. She did how ever have a number of ailments but that never got her down, she just continued to live her life.

When I first met her in October 2005, it was outside London Studios with my mother and a whole load of other women waiting who all had one goal. To meet IL DIVO. There was a Meet and Greet organized by the management of this group because they knew that there were going to be a lot of fans there due to the TV show the group were appearing on. What we didn´t know was that they were going to be filming the Meet and Greet for their first DVD “Encore”.

This camera guy was there asking lots of questions on why we were there and which Divo we preferred. There was me being quizzed on which one I liked best and I of course said Carlos for the voice. Norma was next to us and we´d just met. When the camera guy asked what she would like to see next from IL DIVO, her answer was “I´d like to see Carlos with nothing but a white Apron!" I thought it was hysterical. She then introduced herself and told us this was the probably one of the craziest things she´d done in years since her late husband passed away.

We got on great. We were talking about the up and coming world tour which would start in the UK in April 2006 and she was planning to come to the Wembley concerts. She was telling us stories of all the places she´s visited in the last few years with and without her husband. She was married to a Maltese called Charlie who looked a lot like my dad, and well after many years with this guy she spoke Maltese. She had a black sister called Hilda whom she explained was her adopted sister, because 4 years previously Hilda´s mother had decided to adopt Norma during her stay in Zimbabwe.

Norma was starting to rub off on my mother and I at this rate. She told us that she went to bed with a different man every night, but she was actually referring to was her mp3 player, she then pointed out was now that there were four men she went to bed with every night. I filled her in on all the stuff I knew about IL DIVO by then, especially on Carlos to which she answered “God Tina you know a hell of a lot on Carlos, I hope you don´t call out his name when you´re in bed with your boyfriend. We were crying with laughter.

Since then we´d call each other every week to see how we were and sometimes I´d go around for Dinner. She made a mean roast and even though she was diabetic, she always had some sweets for after for me. When I told her that for my birthday, I was going to Dublin to see IL DIVO, she said she was also going, even though I was in the 3rd row and she was sitting somewhere high above with the “Gods”. We were going to spend it together. When a week before the concert I managed to find a seat in the 3rd row and asked if she was interested, we sold the ticket she already had and bought this seat and it was the best birthday present ever. Sitting in the 3rd row of a concert listening to my favourite group with my “second” mummy and her “flashing” lips.

We did all kinds of things together. By chance we discovered this South American Restaurant, which served the biggest Argentine steak, I had ever seen for a reasonable price. We travelled to Berkshire for the annual UK IL DIVO fan convention, and that was hysterical enough. But she was great company and a brilliant room mate too. She told me that I´d better not snore or gab her during the night. She was always full of jokes.

The funniest moments with Norma was whenever we had a chance to see IL DIVO up close and personal.

2 days before we due to fly to Dublin for my birthday, we were there waiting at London Studios, very early in the morning, freezing our butts, as well as our toes, and we did meet 2 of the four Divos. (two of them were ill) and lucky for us. Our dear Carlitos was there. Norma told him we were going to Dublin and he and the others should look out for us because we´d be “flashing” Carlos´ face was a picture. She finally got her photo with him and we got one with the three of us together.

Another moment took place when the guys were promoting their third Album “Siempre” and Pete Their manager at the time, had decided to let four fans in at a time and Norma was in front and went in the building to meet them. She asked Sebastien and Carlos if they could sign some photographs of her with them and they agreed. Then they looked closer at the photos and saw that they were puppet versions of them.

It won´t be the same without Norma. There were a lot of people who kept asking what is a woman in her late sixties doing hanging around with a someone who was in her 20´s. These were comments from people who didn´t know Norma at all. Norma may have been 68, but she sure didn´t act like it. She act like she was 21 and nothing was Taboo with her. She had lived and experienced it all and wasn´t shy about telling you.

When I last saw her, she didn´t look too well. She´d lost a lot of weight and she´d just got some more bad news about her health. But she was optimistic about the next event that was going to take place in her life which left my mother and I shocked.

She asked me a ton of questions about David and when she heard my mum say she was going to kick his butt if he ever hurt me, Norma replied that she would too. Like I said she was a second mother to me. I could tell her all kinds of stuff and nothing could faze her.

The last place we went to together was at the Colombian place. I fancied Ceviche was a starter and I´d told her how good it was, but it wasn´t the version that I usually ate in Madrid and neither her or my mother liked this version. We had Chicarron as a main and some cheese cake thing and caramel dessert for afters. She took a while to get home. She had to take her time with everything but that didn´t matter because we caught up on a lot of things.

She will be missed greatly by a lot of people world wide. When she connected to the IL DIVO forum in 2006, she made a lot of friends. Some we would meet at concerts.

Norma was a fine example of not giving up when things really got bad. I couldn´t believe the amount of medication she was on. She looked fine to me, but like I said, that never brought her down, it only made her stronger. She was determined to live her life to the fullest and the lesson here is that we should all do the same.

Her departure has left a void in my heart as well as my life. But she always told me that she was prepared for this, she had her will made long ago which included how she wanted her funeral to be even the music. She said she wanted a lone piper playing “Amazing Grace”. She was truly amazing person.

Goodbye Mummy Norma. I will miss you lots.

What a Difference A Year Makes part 1

2009-06-19T02:41:00.001-07:00

i bought myself a Journal earlier this week. I like to make a note of things that happen in my life so I can eventually write about it.

I bought a Journal last year when I Was in Dublin because deep down I knew that when I got back, the shit was truly going to hit the fan. And I wasn´t wrong.

And boy did I write,

Of course the night before I moved into my new flat in Goya I was warned not to mention the conversation that was between myself, my ex friend and flat mate and her mother. well I didn´t say a word because they did all the talking. I didn´t want to give them the satisfaction. so I kept a mental score.

When I finally moved into my new flat, that was when things started to change. No more being badgered into going to a bar with only 4 people in it. no more being pimped to guys, no more having to listen to constant moaning about the partner of a Certain Swiss opera Singer.

Of course having spent over 500 euros on the deposit of my room and the rent, I was left with very little to spend for the month. that still didn´t stop me from buying the basics like food, tooth paste and washing powder. I Still got to go for the occasinal drink. And yes there was Gay Pride, that party was free.

Now moving on, My laptop sort of took over my journal and now I am about to be left without a laptop because my "Brother in Law" Suko is going to upgrade it for me. so I have to write the old fashioned way.

And believe me, by the time I get my lap top back, the journal will be pretty full because not only will it be about my life so far but they´ll be some feed back on the other books I am writing.

Another one has now appeared. "La Gran Locura" exactly what it says on the tin. it´s about friendship, work, love and a trip out side of Europe.

My friend Vivi is about to take a trip out of Europe herself. she´s off to Canada and then the US. first to see her favourite French Canadian Comedian who is quite cute, then she´s off to See Il Divo. lucky her.

I´m lucky that I am making a trip at all this year. To London. It´s about time too. I will be going alone because for David to get a visa appointment, he has to wait until 2011.

Still we can always do Sweden. Mia´s already offered her place for me and David.

more next time.

A Time for Reflection.

2009-05-19T03:01:00.000-07:00

I´ve been away from here for the last two months.

my last blog was about being invited to an Evangelist chruch by the last person who I´d expect to invite me. I´d gone through changes. An end of an era had occured and another one recently began.

I don´t even know where to begin, but I´m at a place in my life at the moment that I´m happy.

Although it´s been hard.

My relationship with a certain person has started all over again. i like it how it is now because it´s more relaxed. everyone thinks we´ve gotten back together but I always like to point out that "We´ve just begun!" I don´t think they understand and I don´t expect them to.

The things it has taken for me to calm down while´I´m at work. certain people still try to make life difficult for me and sometimes I see or hear things that make me feel like turning into "Wolverine". but I´ve now taken a calm approach to things.

A lot has happened and when I can I will explain them a bit at a time. because there is a lot to write about.

but there has been one thing that I will write about briefly.

I am planning a trip. it´s a crazy one. so crazy that I am writing a fiction about it.

I´ll keep you posted

Hugs

Morgana

Surprises still scare the hell out of me.

2009-03-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

This last week has been a bit of a shock for me.

Most people who know me, know that surprises scare me. maybe it´s about time I embraced them as something positive.

Who knows.

It´s been a week since, the predictable happened.

Moses and I split as a couple. not as friends though.

Don´t get me wrong, I saw this coming, but it still didn´t stop it from hurting like hell. I thought "Oh great! I´m going to spend my 30th on my own!" but he kept reassuring me that was not going to happen.

At the time, I didn´t believe it.

Obviously it hurt. but there was something he kept saying over and over again, that there was something he needed to sort out on his own.

He´d changed. He wasn´t the same guy I said goodbye to at the airport and of course people at work jumped to their own conclusions and decided to tell me.

so I decided to confront him about it later in the week.

I put him through a human lie detector test (long story) he was telling me the truth the whole time and the one thing I admire about him is his honesty. I still didn´t get wasn´t going on until we went into a KFC takeaway and I got more than the truth.

Moses had changed a lot. It was when he decided to invite me to a church he goes to with his siblings that I realised he´d changed.

So I took up his invitation and went yesterday and I can tell you it was the most intense feeling I´ve felt for a long time. I was standing between, Moses and his sister and looking at the guy who for 8 months, was more than a friend, but my lover and he seemed like a new man. someone who had finally found peace within him and I can understand his reasons for wanting to call it a day.

I too am still searching for the peace within me, and I appreciate the fact that Moses, his sister Julia, the pastors in this church, My best friends and even co workers want to help me find it. They can help me as much as they can and support me, but the rest of the journey I need to make myself.

Looks like me and God have a lot to chat about.

But I think it´s about time, I started to deal with the one thing that has been plaguing me since I was younger.

A little help from above.

2009-03-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

2 weeks ago, I went to my favourite shop and bought some interesting divination articles and 2 books.

apart from Tarot Cards, (I now own 4 decks) I also bought Healing with Angels Oracle by Doreen Virtue and Oracle of the Angels by Graciela Iriondo.

The reading I got for myself and 3 other people were very intense as was the meditating, but that´s not all.

for 2 weeks, I couldn´t find my security pass for work and because I work at an airport, you need one to get in and out of doors which require you pass the pass. I hadn´t told anyone I´d lost it and If I did or got caught without my pass 2 things would have happened.

1, I could get a fine of 50 euros

2 I would have to get a new pass also costing 50 euros.

with that aside.

I was meditating to the Angel of New Order after my yoga practice and I was thinking about opening the bottom draw of my wardrobe to try on close that were tight or take the loose fitting ones to a charity shop.

Suddenly to my surprise, when I unfolded my Wranglers, what was dangling from a pocket? you guessed it my security pass. you can´t imagine the relief not to mention the swear words in Spanish I was expressing at that moment.

If there was any doubt in my mind over the existance of Angels...

that has now been well and truly removed!

When the law goes a bit mad.

2009-03-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

Thought I´d give this case a mention because this guy involved needs to know that we´re on his side.

I found out about the case of David Goldman through a fellow blogger and having read everything that this guy has been through in the last few years it made me think of my my male friends and co workers.

David Goldman´s son Sean was kidnapped by his mother Bruna Ribiero who has since passed on and was taken to Brazil. More information is on this following website.

http://www.bringseanhome.org/home.html

personally if the ex partners of my friends suddenly turned around and said "Sorry you can´t see your son,daughter or kids" as some have got more than one, they would fight tooth and nail to say "like hell I won´t.

Sadly David has been fighting the Brazilian Courts for years. let´s hope that justice prevails and the good guy wins.

I know there are cases of dead beat dads but recently I´ve met a few who despite the situation or reason that ended the relationship with the mother of their child are still there for their kids, even if it is a phone call once a week.

David, we´re with you on this one mate!!

Who needs Words to discribe this next blog.

2009-03-04T02:58:00.000-08:00

I´d been waiting well over a month for this.

I waited at Terminal 2 in Madrid for my boyfriend to arrive after a 13 hour flight from Lima.

only got 2 hours of sleep.

taxi to the airport 15 euros.

Coffee 1.50 euros.

Breakfast of Mexican Guacamole burger, fries orange juice and nesquik= free thanks to Juan Carlos the manager on night duty.

Hugging your boyfriend after 33 days and then taking a photo: priceless

No Sweets, chocolates, biscuits and diet cola until Easter? I must be mad!

2009-02-26T02:59:00.000-08:00

Lent is here, and for the first time in years, I am going to try and stick to it.

I do remember the school chaplain telling us that you could have a break from Lent on Sundays because if you think about it, Lent is 40 days and from now until easter there's 46 days. Well let´s see how I´ll do.

Not easy though, but there are going to be 6 days when I'm not going to follow it. When it's my birthday because let's face it, I want a giant chocolate cake with the number 30 on it and of course on April 4th when I'll be celebrating my birthday again and 4 out of the 6 Sundays

Now the things that I will be giving up for Lent are the following. Diet cola, which I am addicted to. It might be hard to stop myself from actually pouring my self some at work. Chocolate and that includes drinking it. Cakes, biscuits, sweets, palmeras, and Ice cream. Which means yes, more room for yoghurt, fruit and savory low fat snacks.

I know what you're thinking, I must be out of my mind. I could at least keep the diet cola but since I can get my caffiene fix from my morning coffee, I think I can do this. I might go cold turkey and be very irritable but put it this way, my teeth will thank me for this break and since losing the weight healthy snacks don't actually appeal to me.

I still have a box of whole grain biscuits in the fridge (I don't have space anywhere else) which I'll let Moses have with his tea and biscuits (he picked that habit from me.) The last chocolate I had last night, but then I also had a giant palmera which wasn't vert appetising anf another chocolate earlier. I'm still suffering from my cycle which has left me a bit messed up. Last week there were days where I Could barely get out of bed. I almost bit poor Erick's head off at work and almost sent most of the clients straight to hell (That weekend all the ass holes came to my till!)

They'll be no Easter Eggs this time and since I've been living here in Spain, I haven't bought anything from any of the Italian shops because the prices are even higher than in London for the stuff in there. So no Colomba cake. Last Christmas I bought Panettone because I knew Moses would eat it too as it's something eaten in Peru for Christmas as well (that surprised me!)

Lent is about sacrifices, for those who are not familiar with Lent, it's when Jesus went into the desert for 40 days and nights to fast and was tempted by the Devil. In medieval times, that was taken seriously. Everyone use to gather up what ever they had lying around the day before lent and cook it up. Which is why in the UK there's Pan Cake day. Don't ask.

Nowadays no one expects you to go for 40 days and nights without eating or drinking unless you're David Blaine. Let's not go there.

You have to give up something that isn't enough to make you want to murder someone for it. OK, I'll see how I feel with my next period, Usually people give up candy, or savoury snacks. Some will attempt to give up alcohol, Caffiene and this one is always a good one... smoking.

Then you have to think about thinking or even doing something more positive in your life during Lent. Something that might help you as well as others. OK. I am going to attempt to meditate on a daily basis and perhaps be in the process in finding a better paid job. After all my New Year's resolution was to find a cheaper flat which I did but the cat had to go.

When I was in primary school, we were almost forced to give something up for lent. I never took it seriously, you're a kid for christ's sake. Oh yeah it was a catholic school. During lent me and my mum would do things together. She'd usually give up savoury snacks and me sweets. We'd have the piss taken by my dad and brother.

They suggested I should try and changed my attitude. Yeah right. I lose my temper, like normal people do, the only difference with me was that There was a lot more shit that I had to deal with at home and at school. Nobody was fucking listening to me so I had to respond loudly!

The last time I tried doing lent, it was when I was going out with the Iranian. He didn't take it seriously so the fucker kept tempting me with sweets. So that ended quickly. Lent that is.

I wonder if my mum is going to do what we normally do when we get invited to a birthday party of one of their friend's kids and the mother defrosts a black forest Gataeu from Tesco's. I will say this now that as a kid, I loved black forest anything. When the Ice cream van use to visit, I would order the black forest cornetto. Until this silly moo started buying the cake for birthdays and would leave it out from the night before.

My mum and I came up with the genius idea that if we were presented with this during lent, we'd say “oh we've given up chocolate or sweets for lent” they would still insist on us trying some anyway as it's a special occasion but we wouldn't budge.

The sad thing is that they still make their kids carry on with lent. the oldest is 35 and he doesn´t even live at home anymore. I'm doing it as an experiment. My brother turned athiest in the last few years and Moses isn't very religious.

I decided not to go to church today for the Ashes, first of all I didn't have bloody time. I had to be at work at midday. And second I had to be somewhere else that was more important.

Anyway, I'll let you know how I get on.

I wonder if my mum will give up smoking for Lent. Whoops almost got hit by a flying pig!

Perphaps I should try to swear less.

What? Swear less? Where I work? Almost got hit by flying hippo too!

The Crazy World of Mexican Soap.

2009-02-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

Everyone, whether they want to admit it or not, is addicted to a soap opera When I lived in London, there were a couple I use to watch and they were a bit depressing. They weren't dolled up and weaning fab clothes like you see in most of the American soaps. They do have have story lines that touch every day topics.

Still they are a bit too depressing.

Now Soaps are suppose to be melodramatic and over the top, but the best thing about them is that you can easily pick up on what's going on, even if you've missed a few episodes.

When I Moved into Lucero back in November, my friend had a channel that especially picked up Mexican soaps. They're over the top too. Even the names were a bit over the top.. for example “The Blame”, “The Right To Love” or “The Virgin Bride” I suppose they were a bit self explanatory to who ever was tuning into them late. Most of them had happy endings. I.E the main characters who have a love story going on, finally get together or tie the knot. If there's a rival, no matter if they'll the good guy or the villain, they get killed off. (would have preferred Jose Guadalupe any day over Fernando Ortiz) The Villain gets their comeuppance, (The evil Mexican and Native American hating Sheriff and his band finally get killed off by Alejandro, the guy they tried to hang because his wife shot someone in self defence.) and things fall into place.

But of all the Soaps I have ever seen in my life, the one that I was watching every day, really took the prize, for being crazy, over the top and far from reality.

It was called “The Step Mother” only the woman wasn't really the step mother, she was really the mother of the two grown up kids of the rich businessman.

She, the fake Stepmother that is, had been rotting in a jail cell for the best part of 20 years for being in the wrong place and the wrong time. Someone had killed a friend of hers and she was found just as the police arrived. OK that isn't new.

After 20 years, the sleazy lawyer who didn't lift a finger in her trial decides to admit that he's got new evidence and they let her out of prison. The guy kills himself not before he hands the newly freed woman a letter giving her clues to the real killer. The clues are as clear as mud to start with.

While she was in prison, her husband files for divorce and when she comes out of prison, decides he's made a right cock up (I.E. She was innocent all along but he was stupid enough to doubt it) and asks her to remarry him. She agrees but there's a slight problem.

While she's been sitting in prison for 20 years, the husband heavily influenced by his evil manipulative aunt weave a story to the kids about where their mother is. Rather than telling them the truth that's she's in jail so that they don't become traumatised, they tell them that she died. And what's worse there are now paintings in the house of a woman who they have told was their mother.

OK, surely if these kids were smart enough, would have looked somewhere around the house for photos. I don't know, the attic, their dad's room or poked around more. Would they not have been suspicious that there was no grave or a memorial? Or what about the name? Surely the name of this woman their father wants to marry must set them off to say “wait, that was our mother's name!” give me a break!

OK so they tie the knot, but in true step kids fashion in soap land, they think she's some kind of witch and they really hate her at first. They think she's out to steal everything from them, when the only thing she wants is to hug her kids.

Meanwhile their father has been really busy while his wife's been in jail. He's had a fling with the nutty lady married to the leather faced chain smoking guy, the wife of the dead beat lawyer and just before Maria (that'll be the ex con) got out of jail the niece of the wife of the dead beat lawyer.

The Dead beat lawyer, has also been busy in 20 years, he had a fling with both of the Rich guy's aunts and got them both pregnant. Now for who knows how long, the two women have kept a secret. One of the babies was stillborn but they wouldn't say who's.

Now the manipulative evil aunt and the sweet, caring aunt decide that the surviving baby should be adopted by their nephew who is named Angel. Which is no surprising there because he turns out to be very sweet natured couldn't possibly hate anyone. But being the evil cow the evil aunt tells the other one that her baby was the stillborn one, and poor thing she turns to drinking.

This is until, Angel becomes ill, needs a bone marrow transplant and just out of causality the good aunt is there and a DNA test is done. Surprise surprise, she is the real mother. And boy does she kick ass!

Getting back to Maria, she is dead straight on finding out who really killed Patricia, only to find out that everyone had it in for her. She knew a lot of things. Everyone in the series, who claim to be friends of the rich guy and Maria are suspects, even the aunts.

The two women, the crazy woman married to “leather face” and the niece try God knows how many things to get Maria out of the picture. Not killing her, but stuff to try and scare her off “Steve” . But the biggest rival is the evil aunt.

You'd think she was being a pain in the arse or upset because after 20 years of acting like a saint and bringing up her nephew's 2 kids when they “lost” their mother so tragically, she will be sent out on her ass with her maid “broomhilda”. But that isn't the case.

She's in love with Steve. Yeah I know, Urgh, that's her nephew and towards the end of the series she tells everyone who listens, including poor Steve himself who when she tells him is in a jail cell. Couldn't he put his hands over his ears and yell “LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!” the evil witch decides testify in court that he killed Patricia. After he told her, well not using these terms

“No way you must be off your trolley love!”

Towards the end of the series, there are a lot of bodies. The Crazy woman, kills her husband and then she dies, I don't know how because I had moved out by then and have watched parts of it on Youtube. The key witness of Steve's trial gets killed by who we think is a woman at first, the evil aunt kills herself, after poisoning her maid, and trying to kill off the priest the 2 kids and the house keeper.

Now If I were “broomhilda”, and knowing that the lady I was working for was a lunatic, first of all, I wouldn't think of the dollar signs floating about from helping her out, because these things always turn out bad. Hence the rat poisoning in the wine. First of all, I'd get a shovel, or knock her out with a drug in her tea or orange juice, get everyone out of the basement, and shop her to the police. Then right a book about her time working as a skivvy for this loony. Then the money would be rolling in. But this is soap land, and she had to go as well.

Carlos.. forgot to mention him actually, the evil... well he wasn't evil, just needed a kick up the back side. He was the son of one of the business associates affectionately known as the “Octopus” don't ask. He starts out as a complete arsehole at first, fighting with his cousin and trying to climb up the ladder of success by trying to marry Estrella, the daughter of Maria and Steve.

Estrella had 2 guys fighting over her. But like I Said one had to go, and Carlos gets stabbed by some evil drug addicted child trafficking fiend while finally doing a good deed. Protecting his father.

Oh and the niece of the wife of the dead beat lawyer dies too. She goes a bit nuts and after being released from a psychiatric hospital, goes home, well until she was locked up in the funny farm and finds her stuff is gone. But she does find a tape, that will get Steve out of Jail and not to mention off the electric chair.

But the tape never makes it to who it's intended to. She gets a note from her “aunt” to tell her to meet her somewhere and bring the tape.

Wait, if I got a note saying it was from my aunt, I'd read the note to make sure it was from her. If I'd been living with her for more than 20 years, I'd be able to identify it If the handwriting don't match I would think “hold on this isn't right” and ask where the hell the address on the note was.

Then I'd think “hold on, video, dodgy note, and an address I don't know?” This would be the best moment to call her mobile and say “did you just send a guy here with a note”

you get my point.

Surprise surprise, the address is an old warehouse and the chick is dumb enough follow who she thinks is her aunt way into the warehouse. Poor thing finds out it's the killer and doesn't make it out a live.

Following me so far?

OK here it is, the real killer is the dead beat lawyer. Angel's father. Poor kid imagine being told “You're father killed Patricia!” “Which one?”

As it turned out, Patricia, had a few secrets of her own as well as everyone else. Her marriage was a sham for a start, she didn't love her own son and only had him for money. She was having a fling with “leather face” I know and was apparently pregnant before she got killed. She had something on the dead beat lawyer.

He likes to dress up as a woman. Not only that, he wears high heels and make up too and she had photos to prove it. Which would explain why the witness from 20 years before said he'd seen a woman enter the room and why he in Steve's trial blamed Dani, the wife of the tranny lawyer.

I didn't see that coming. My friend told me that it was “Leather Face” you'll find out later.

Everyone who was a suspect were on this trip to Aruba and right before going there, Tranny lawyer and Dani swing by a wig shop where she buys an extension. That was the plan, dress up like the wife so no one would know he was meeting Patricia. Or maybe he wanted to really kill her and blame Dani. Or perhaps he likes to dress up like his wife.

Like I said I don't know what happened to “Tranny Lawyer” because the parts are confusing, there are 4 alternative killers on youtube but we know he did it. He probably killed himself, or either Maria or Steve shot him. Maybe he finally got arrested and occupied his rightful place on the electric chair.

The kids are told, that by their own father the truth, he was a coward and was easily manipulated by the aunt that lusted after him to tell his kids that “mummy” was with the angels. Their faces when he tells them Maria is their mother. At this point, they've stopped hating her.

And they all live happily ever after. Hector goes on to have a baby with his wife who not only was an ex con herself but was Maria's cell mate. Estrella goes off with Greg the gardener, Angel and his wife can live in peace without the interfering psycho aunt and well Maria and Steve get hitched again.

If this stuff really happened to one family in real life, my God, the anarchy. This would be too much for the “Jerry Springer” show. Steve would be a good candidate for “erm honey I've been seeing someone else!” in comes Favi, the loony chick, Dani and her niece.

Then “Leather face” would be “Well I had a fling with the dead chick.” and Demi, my God... “I've slept with both of Steve's aunts.” and right before getting his ass kicked on live TV by both Dani and Steve, Demi will say “oh and there;s this.....” off comes the trench coat, and he reveals a dress.

By then the audience don't know what to do.

Then if that's not enough, the aunts. One of them will be beating the holy hell out of the other one for switching the babies at birth and the evil one will turn to Steve and say “I've secretly loved you for years!”

And Jerry would say “Yeah but he's your blood!”

she would answer “That's never bothered me before!”

And the kids.... forget the Kat and Zoe slater storyline from EastEnders, Maria will be trying to get the kids to calm down and one of them will shout “you're not our mother!” and Steve will shout out “Oh yes she is?”

This would be the time to roll the credits I think.

To think it took me a week to find out what was going on.

Would like to know what happened in “Ramona” got a thing with Native Americans. One of my tattoos is of Native American influence. And yes “Dances with Wolves” is one of my favourite movies!

When I moved out, Ramona and her husband had been arrested by the evil Mexican and Native American hating Sheriff and Alejandro was about to be hanged and Ramona had to watch. When the opening credits are rolling, you see what happens in the end of the series, she becomes a Native American warrior herself, well she's part Native American too and she and Alejandro end up together and more importantly, he's alive!

It didn't take me that long to figure out what was going on in this one. The Shrivelled up old prune, known as Lady Ramona, all prim proper and uppity, is waiting for her daughter also known as Ramona to arrive after many years of being an a convent of nuns.

She's a right mean cow to her and here's why. Young Ramona turns out to be the daughter of “The Irishman” who Lady Ramona has always loved but had to marry someone else, not sure why that is. It's never been explained. Either he went to war or the family thought he wasn't good enough. They continue to correspond until she has a baby with the guy who's 20 years older than her who dies at war.

Until she gets a visit from “The Irishman” who isn't alone, he's dying, his Native American wife has already died, possibly in childbirth and he;s left holding the baby. He leaves Lady Ramona with the baby and she brings her up as her own. Well she doesn't really she sends her off to the convent. Possibly so she doesn't find out the truth. But she does on her wedding day to this rich but is really bankrupted Mexican Lawyer Fernando.

Hold on. If I found out that for 20 years or what ever that my mother had been keeping this secret from me and having clocked on why not only she's been a cow to me after all these years but has always shown more affection to my “brother” I would have thought “bullocks to that!”. And confronted her.

But I guess in true comeuppance, for not actually being straight, Lady Ramona did get the shock of her life. Just as Ramona is about to say “I do” (with an invisible shotgun pointed to her by her “mother”.) Alenjandro appears on horse back and outside the chapel.

Well I'd done what she did, turned around, run out of the chapel, jumped on horse back with him and rode off into the sunset. Saying “I can't stand being prim and proper, I'd rather be out hunting!”

Why oh why did the Native Americans have Spanish names? Pablo, Alejandro? What happened to names like “Tall Eagle” or “Red Bear” or “Wolf Face?” guess what ever is easier to pronounce on TV.

Moses did tell me that he's now passed on in real life, he mentioned he'd been “killed”. Couldn't tell me more though. He did find the amount of time it took me to get up to date with most of the soaps shocking. When you have nothing to do on holiday for a week.

Luckily I hardly watch TV now.

The Sheriff dies obviously and perhaps he finds out that his father was also “The Irishman” known as “Angus”.

Wait..... Angus is a Scottish name.

I dunno, I'm surprised that none of the actors didn't end up like the character from the “2 Ronnies” Sketch where the guy's trying to order a round of drinks and gets them confused after downing a gin and tonic each time.

When the characters read the script the first time, some of them must have thought?

“I need a large drink first before I read it again or even sign the contract.”

Laura Pausini must have thought the same when she was asked to sing the theme to the series.

I can imagine the large “drinks” bill left on the studio's tab.

I think I Need a large drink myself.

With how I've been feeling the last few days, I need more than one!

Hugs

Morgana

Being alone on Valentine's Day does not mean you can't have Fun.

2009-02-11T07:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my boyfriend called me from Peru, which is always great because I've been missing him like hell. At first I thought it was to tell me what time his flight was leaving, but when he told me that due to a mix up with his ticket, the earliest he might be coming back to Madrid is the 23rd February. Naturally I was pissed off at first.

I'm sure this isn't his fault but still, I was expecting to celebrate my first Valentine's Day Madrid with him like we planned.

That might not happen now.

OK after calming down I then realised it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Last year I spent Valentine's Day at the Italian Consulate, getting my new passport and then watching DVD's and eating chocolates with my mum.

5 days before I did however, give a Valentine's card to someone that I waited almost 20 years to give to personally.

When I was a lot younger, I really fancied this wrestler, and to be honest if he ever told me “here are the keys to my hotel room, make yourself comfortable!” I would have taken the keys off him faster than I would have if they were Cadbury's Creme Eggs.

Finally after almost 20 years, there he was, right infront of me and my poor legs almost caved in. this was before sitting next to him though. I was shaking so much, after talking to him, giving him a present, his card a letter with all the stuff I wanted to say but would probably forget, then giving him a hug and a kiss and finally getting the all important photo with him, my Italian friends who I met that day, all gave me a hug each.

I went home on the bus from Manchester to London crying. Finally my dream had come true.

Mum asked me if who would I choose between Bret Hart and Carlos Marin. I told her that it was a silly question and I'd always choose Bret over anyone. I told her that the two meant different things to me.

I don't know how I am going to spend Valentine's Day this year. Probably the first few hours will be at work. I had thought of eating a chocolate Brownie at VIPS, but I have a bottle of sweet cider that I was going to drink with Moses but since that might not happen, there's no point in letting it sit in fridge doing nothing. Might listen to some music. IL DIVO (obviously) Safina, but not pan flute music because that will make me miss Moses even more and bring on the water works.

Was thinking of sending him a video... perhaps that will make him more determined to come home early!!

Now will I buy myself a present too? Hell yes. I've spent the last week and a half renovating my wardrobe because of the weight loss. The good news is that my weight has now halted to 9 stone 6lbs which is 61 kilos. That means I can concentrate on toning the wobbly parts.

Which reminds me Yoga time..

hugs

Morgana.

2009-02-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

Having to play.rough with immature women

My few days off work, did me the world of good. I bought some books to read, got back to practicing yoga for the first time in over a year and went out for walks.

As soon as work deposited my pay, I decided, I needed a new wardrobe and a new hair style.

The reaction at work was interesting, some noticed the weight loss, but it was the hair that got people talking.

There were a couple of shift managers who reacted to the new “me”. Jermaine who everyone calls Franco which it actually his surname, didn't say anything at all, he just looked me up and down to say “hmmm impressive”. That's Franco for you.

Some womdered if I got myself a new boyfriend as well as a new look. Very funny, but when Moses does come back from Peru, he'll be coming back to a new girlfriend. That's if he recognises me.

Right before anyone asks the answer is no. if I have changed my look. I've done it for me and me only. Not for Moses, not for the people at work, for me. Of course I wasn't expecting to lose so much weight in such short time. It usually takes me longer to shift 7lbs. Nevermind 14.

while I was out on a date with myself and in my favourite shop in Madrid, I decided why not see if the “Santeria” shop has anything I can use to ward off nasties at work. Now Santreria shop, has an energy which is more intense than the other magical shops I've visited. The one I went into was opposite the Cuban bar “La Negra Tomasa” which is a good place to visit at the weekend.

The guy in the shop reccomended I do a couple of things to protect me from “Evil Eye”.I've started wearing my pentagram again, and I find that Yoga relaxes me.

OK where do I start, When I felt really Ill 2 weeks ago, I did a test to see if someone had given me the “Evil Eye” Evil eye comes in many shapes and forms but they all make you feel like shit and give you a headache which feels like someone dropped an anvil on your head. I've seen my dad do this test so many times but ;learning how to get rid of it was easier said than done. So no doubt that when I removed mine, it took ages to go away.

This one I got at work surprise surprise, what I wasn't expecting where it came from. Two women, the pain in the butt shift manager, who'd rather tell men that she's gay so they don't ask her out and someone who I thought was my friend as well as Moses'.Nelly.

They're not evil women. It's just that one doesn't know when to shut up snd the other doesn't know when to mind her own business. Or is it both of them? Jessica who likes to stir things up and says she's only looking out for me went as far to tell everyone that I've got it in for Flora and Nelly.

OK what happened with Flora was not my fault, I didn't know she fancied my boyfriend and considering that she did take the news about his “past” badly we're good friends.

And as for Nelly, perhaps I have got daggers for her, but not because I'm jealous or because she flirts with my boyfriend but because she thinks I'm some kind of idiot.

She has absolutely no shame in how she talks to people curses enough to make trooper blush, that's not the problem, it's not even her sexual innuendos when she calls up my boyfriend, often when He's with me. And as for this chicken party that everyone was talking about. The one where I didn't go to but my boyfriend did? I have a feeling that she didn't tell me on purpose.

What really annoyed the hell out of me the last time I saw Nelly was that she showed her true colours. I was on my break (I should have taken Giovi's advice by taking my lunch away and leaving work early rather than sitting in the staff room buy hey.) Jessica started poking her nose in my affairs regarding whether Moses had called me or not and said all kinds of stuff that really made me feel ill. Nelly also joined in by agreeing that she was doing it to “open my eyes”

Open my eyes to what? I turn 30 next month not 13. I don't need advice on men and what jerks they can be because I have had my fair share of those in the last 20 years. The fact that she's been through a rough time with men does not give her the right to poke her nose in my business.

She thinks it's funny whenever she asks me something very personal about my relationship and I saY “That's my business!” Juan has stopped asking me stuff probably for fear that the next time he asks he might end up not being able to father children.

Like I said if I answer that “it's my business!” it's because it is.

I thought she was on our side? I guess I thought wrong. Ah well, for someone who at 43 and with grown up kids and a killer body, she sure acts immature. Then she said it I was just having a fling then I wouldn't get upset.

She already knows that we're not fooling around. So why talk like that?

I already had this nonsense once when I went to have my lunch last summer where there were 4 of them trying to get me to talk but I wouldn't even when they insisted that Moses told everyone we were going out. That was a load of crap, because Eric was the one who told me that it wasn't Moses who talked.

We knew that when Nelly found out she'd have a field day. Her reaction surprised me. I was expecting her to also take the mick out of me for my relationship but she took Moses to one side and started winding him up. Apparently she was annoyed. Why?

With him being away, they think it's a good opportunity to remind me about his past in Peru. Thanks but I already know.

If she wants to continue she can take me for a mug then she is more than welcome, but she and the other miserable biddies are going to see a different woman, one who will definitely put them in their place.

speaking of work, I need to ask for a smaller size uniform.

On going Support to Two Special People.

2009-02-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I got a text message from Mia that made me say "huh?"

With the internet working when it feels like it in my new flat and having gone back to work after a nice little holiday that has done me the world of good, I didn´t know what she was talking about.

Today having bougnt a copy of Hola Magazine and been on the internet, reading the official post. It´s true, two of my favourite artists have now joined the statistics of many couples who spend who knows how much time apart.

Carlos Marin and Geraldine Larossa aka Innocence are splitting.

It´s sad to hear but I wish them both the best for the future.

my opinion of both of them has not changed.

I will still support both of them when I can.

but still my heart is a little sore.

hugs

Morgaine

Madrid in a blanket of snow and Chaos!

2009-02-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

WARNING: this contains some pretty strong swear words!!

I had lived in Madrid for 10 months and thought that by then I got use to the weather changes. Especially when I had to fork out more money for the high Utility bill which I know part of it was not my fault and had to wear god knows how many layers of clothing as well as 4 blankets in bed.

But not having seen January in Madrid, I was not prepared for what happened one weekend. It was as if I was dreaming.

I had read in fictional novels set at the beginning or General Franco's era in the 40's of what the winters in Madrid were like. There was snow and not dandruff flaky snow but real snow. My heart ached. I wanted to see Madrid like that but since global warming has fucked that up big time, I realised that I was not going to see that any time soon.

I was in for a shock.

One morning when, I let my cat out on to the balcony to use her litter box, I was flabbergasted. The cat for a start, was telling me in her â€œkittyâ€ language â€œit's too cold even for me out here!â€ and I noticed the clothes on the washing line, my clothes had snow! I went back to my nice warm room which surprised me because it meant the heater had been switched on and looked out of my window and everything was covered in snow.

It continued to snow all day long and I had to go out to the shops to get the groceries I didn't get the day before and it was a winter wonderland. My favourite city covered by snow! It didn't stop me from slipping a few times with my damn trainers I had been wearing since I got to Madrid and I had to wear my Peruvian sweater over another sweater as well as my coat, scarf made out of more than one Afghan fox and gloves.

Luckily the Metro wasn't buggered, because I had to go to work that day and they were not taking â€œIt snowedâ€ as an excuse. All flights were cancelled and anyone who had the day off that weekend, were all called in to work.

The Queue from all the passengers who had their flights cancelled due to bad weather, didn't end and the worst part was that we had six tills opened and every damned customer was queuing up at my till. Even when Giovi who was one of the managers in charge politely asked them to form 5 other queues, they wouldn't.

There was me thinking the snow was fantastic, and imagined me on my day off playing in the snow. I hadn't seen so much snow since I was in my early 20's when It took me 3 hours to get home from College one night that finally after 2 hours of being on the bus, I walked home.

Guess I didn't think of how the change in the weather would affect everyone at work. Most of us ended up doing an 11 hour shift that Friday night, and we were all on 10 minute breaks. I wasn't feeling that good that day because of my â€œmonthly visitorâ€ and I as irritable as the stranded passengers. Most of them were at the receiving end of my irritability, the ones that deserved it because they were annoying the hell out of me. I know they were annoyed with their flights being cancelled but it's hardly the airport's fault.

We get enough crap from the airheads who work for certain flight companies who think just because they work for a big airline, they think they're better. It must have annoyed them rotten seeing that there was no way in hell they were going to get served that evening or the next day.

The day after I took advantage of taking photos of where I previously lived at the time. The park was still covered in snow, the fountain had frozen over and I managed a sneaky photo of a cat looking a bit puzzled at the white stuff on the ground.

Luckily there weren't as many arse holes in the queue later but poor Flora, the girl who had the thing for Dave was a bit upset because she had been working since 9.30 without taking a break. I did scare her a little by telling her that when she does go for a break, expect it to be short because of the customers. She was lucky.

I was a particular good mood because that same day, I got the answer I had been waiting for. That I got the room I saw earlier in the week, when Mariana screwed me over with her so called bank appointment and I ended up with a fine from the underground which put me in a fowl mood for two days. I thought thank God for that. A bit of good news at least.

By the time I got to Sunday afternoon for my afternoon shift, I was exhausted. I don't think I had ever had that much work since joining there, even during the summer. My energy was drained big time, I guess I was picking up on the energies of the upset and panicky passengers. There were a lot more Police and civil guards on patrol that weekend too. Well T4 does have a police station on the second floor. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and go home straight after. I was starting to imagine what the two weeks without Dave was going to be like when he was going to visit Peru. I guessed Hell. But I also thought of Canillejas and not having to take an hour to get to work. The idea of getting on the bus with Jessica to see the shocked look on her face made me laugh a bit.

I guessed she would be one of the ones who would annoy the shit out of me the most whilst Dave was away.

Giovi, bless him, every time we're working together on the same shift, tells everyone who likes to poke their nose in my business tells them to mind their own and acts like he's working my corner in a boxing match when ever it gets busy. Whenever I'm in one of my moods and I say â€œI feel like killing!â€ he often answers â€œGo ahead, kill, I'll gladly help!â€ Then he gets a bit disappointed when it's not the person he thinks I want to kill. It's usually some jerk customer who thinks they can out smart me!

By Monday, some of the snow cleared. I still had to go to work but first of all I had some letters to post. The shocks didn't end there I can tell you. There was me thinking of a concert in Madrid that I would be going to with my best friend Mia and the fact that I would be on a different level to how I was in 2007. This incident on the way to the post office even if it was for 5 seconds and half of my nerves were everywhere, have taught me something more.

This whole week was about new experiences and lessons as well as remembering the life lessons that I have already picked up while being living in Madrid.

Meanwhile I was reflecting on what would happen if didn't move from Hortaleza. It was a moment of weakness that made me feel a bit queesy. All people do there is moan and complain about anything that apparently is not their â€œnormâ€. I would have probably frozen to death on the terrace from the cold, with Mitzy the poor dog who I forget what breed she is, the only people who actually pay attention to her are the men in that flat. I think she and my cat would have got on great.

But I don't live there now and the weekend it snowed, made me see how lucky I am that I survived all the elements Mother Nature decided to throw at me.

The Incredible Shrinking Me.

2009-01-28T06:37:00.000-08:00

The other day when I was taking a walk to Cuidad Lineal, I noticed that my jeans seemed to be looser than the week before. So I decided to weigh myself. I thought it's probably nothing, I've worn out these jeans for the last fortnight I couldn't have possibly lost weight but in fact the scales weren't lying and neither were the clothes that were a little tight on me either.

I did begin to wonder how is it possible that I lost weight this week.

In the last month, ever since the early days of January I've lost 11lbs in body weight. That's three lbs short from a stone. Now I would be lying if I said that I'm following a meticulous dieting regime where no sugar, fat or carbs were allowed but the truth is, that in the last week, I've done nothing but eat rubbish. Not to mention candy and chocolate sundaes. Last Saturday I had two egg and sausage Mac Muffins.

It could be a number of things and pregnancy isn't one of them. You're suppose to put on weight not lose it, unless there is something really wrong. I am not taking dieting pills and grapefruit juice is a little hard to come by where I now live.

There are a few things that I've stopped eating or eating less of. For starters, I don't eat white bread any more. I didn't eat so much of it back in London but seeing that it's cheaper I use to buy lots of it. But for an extra euro, I am willing to make this sacrifice. I don't eat so much mayonnaise and introduced a lot of vegetables and salads in my diet. There are a lot of other things I am not eating. I wish I can say chocolate but I'm a woman for God's sake.

I know it can only be one thing. Stress. With moving stuff, from flat to flat, Moses being away in Peru, that time of the month arriving two weeks after the last one and having to deal with the 30 and 40 something women all acting like they're five at work, I'm overstressed. I wonder if the grey hair I found this morning was the result of the last couple of weeks. That and the in explainable weight loss.

That grey hair was not there last week that´s for sure!

Don't get me wrong I am really happy that I've lost weight but 11lbs in the space of 3 weeks for me is not normal unless I weigh 90 kilos which I don't.

I need to get to the bottom of what ever it is that is making me lose weight. Sometimes when I get back from my walk from where ever it is I am going, I feel really light headed and dizzy and that's 3 hours after I've eaten a big meal. I

I was ironing my uniform and I came across one pair of pants that I have to wear. I have them in different sizes, 12 and 14. I thought the 12s were the bigger size until I started Ironing the other pair. And as for the T shirt, God it's huge!

Right if this keeps up I will need to seek medical advice, even if it is in the most depressing district in the City of Madrid. Perhaps there is an explanation to all this. Hopefully it's not Thyroid or even worse a tapeworm.

I'll keep you posted on how things are.

Hugs

Morgana.

Life's trials tests and Rituals.

2009-01-28T06:27:00.000-08:00

I recently bought some books from my favourite book store in Sol known as “Bohindra” I often don't need an excuse to go in there to see what's new and most of the time when I have money I don't leave the store empty handed.

The books I Bought in there were presents from my best friend Vivien. (thanks Viv!) who has been in that store when she was in Madrid too and one of the books I am reading right now is by an author known as Migene Gonzalez Wippler. The book is called “The complete book of Magic, spells and Rituals” and it's an interesting read.

There was a chapter about initiation and rituals which interested me.

Think about it, when we're kids and we want to join a club, they the other kids in this so called “special club” make you take a test. Whether it's pushing someone in the opposite sex's toilets or vandalising a teacher's car, it's an initiation of some sort.

It's more or less the same thing. In some societies you have to pass an initiation in order to come of age or to be worthy of the society. The Templars had to do it, the Ancient Egyptians, the Aztecs, the Incas, I could go on.

What this book also mentions is that when you are initiated, it is not easy as you think, often it's either painful or humiliating or both. This made me look back at my first three months in Madrid.

Perhaps I was a little naive when I first moved, then when I realised that I had to do things for myself and not let anyone do it for me, that's when the real initiation started.

Coming to terms with manipulation, back stabbing, bouts of jealousy, people not turning out to be the way they were. Almost a fight to the death to be me. To be accepted in a city which I had only seen through the eyes of a tourist. But after all that, I realised why it was I was here in the first place.

I've moved to five different places to live in the last 10 months and that includes London. Now I feel comfortable where I am an perhaps having to move everything on my on on the metro and being left with 6 euros until pay day was another test to see if I am worthy to live in Madrid and accept help when I need it.

The biggest trial was getting back in touch with my parents. Last month I had to ask for financial help. They were reluctant at first. But when I told them about the high rent and the fact that I had asked them before and they didn't understand that things were really tight, they finally understood and agreed to send me some money. Since then our relationship has been better.

Bearing in mind that considering the financial crisis that Spain seems to be in, I am a lot better off here than I was in London. I don't think I would have coped with the financial crisis in the UK. My brother is out of a Job. After 30 years of working in the same place my father is going to be made redundant in two months because the factory is closing down and my diploma as a nurse if i finished it would have not meant a thing since things are so bad.

OK getting back to tests, I am as I mentioned yesterday being really tested at work. No one minds their own and I think now it's time to move on. There was a time when I got on with everyone at work, but it seems that apart from all the men there gay and straight, 4 female and most of the managers except one, everyone else seems to try and wind me up proper.

Now I have already said that I won't be responsible for my actions even if it means punching someone's lights out regardless of whether she wears a manager's uniform or not.

Then there's the other skills I've picked up. At the moment Moses is in Peru and he hasn't called me yet. Now he'll contact me when he's ready but the weird thing I can feel that he's OK. I did have a couple of dreams about him which were not clear but at the same time, they're telling me not to get worried and while I'm on vacation from work just enjoy the peace.

Perhaps this is another initiation. Seeing how I can cope for 2 weeks on my own. Well I don't mind because I've got a lot to do in my new flat as it is.

In my last flat I did exactly get the shock of my life. If there was ever a test to see how I would react, then this trip to the post office was it. Luckily I responded in a way which says “yeah it's normal so?”

OK i'm a little hungry, time to cook up some risotto with squash and onions. This is what I have left from my freezer and I still need to go back and get some frozen chicken breasts from the old flat and some pots and pans

Hugs

Morgana

The Wild Chick Returns.

2009-01-26T11:38:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been three months since I last posted a blog on here.

Well a lot has happened in the last three months. I've moved again for one thing. The rent was way too high where I was living and keeping my poor kitten locked up in my room while I went to work was not what I had planned when I decided to move into the flat.

I've had no internet for 3 months and I was paying for a subscription which I was not getting at all. I thought with the money I was forking out I could have easily got wireless but nevermind.

Work is still the same, apart from the fact that although January is when things go quiet, it has been really busy but more on that later on.

Oh yeah and Moises is visiting family in Peru there are a number of co workers mostly the women, hell bent to make my life a misery. it makes me wonder if they have anything better to do.. guess not.

While saying goodbye to Moises at the airport, I did meet his sister too which for me is a lot when a guy introduces his girlfriend to members of his family. it was a very hard goodbye. but the 10th Feb is around the corner.

I have a lot of catching up to do. I need to find a flight to Stockholm to visit Mia but it's not as easy as it once was. But I'm sure they'll be some kind of sign telling me what to do.

OK enough blabbing for now. the Internet here is a little limited and I just wanted everyone to know that I am alive and well.

Sadly the cat had to go but she's in a nicer place instead of being locked up. I've always said, I don't want an unhappy cat.

hugs

Tina

Ready to heal the Gap..... Just not yet In Person.

2008-10-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I got in touch with my family in London....

After many months of contacting my brother via Myspace, I decided to give them my phone number in Madrid and over 2 weeks ago I got a call from my brother and my mum.

It was a bit emotional a bit scary at first. I'd left it a bit long to actually leave them my number in the first place.

I didn't know what to expect..I got the usual why didn't you contact us, why did you leave like that you hurt us.... OK being on the other end of the Phone and in Spain I guess I wasn't that bothered about whether this was a guilt trip attempt.

2 weeks later I called home.. My dad answered.. things between us have been rocky which was part of the reason I left... don't get me wrong I miss them and I am sure they miss me lots... But I mentioned I could be going to London they seemed excited... Then I got a message from my brother saying I shouldn't expect to stay with them while I'm there.

After all this time they still haven't learned anything or still think they know me... They don't.. Yes I am going to London, but I am going to keep my distance thanks very much... How naive do they think I am that I am going to walk into an ambush?

I am not ready to see them face to face, because it'll end up about them, it'll end up about their feelings and once again there will be some unwritten law of how families should stick together. Well I am sorry I am not going back to London for a week, just to feel like shit... That almost happened in Dublin. I've changed I am not the same person and If they think I am coming back to ask them for help then they are wrong...

I am starting to wish I never asked them to send the rest of my stuff to Spain the other day... Oh well I guess it's a clear sign to say that I am not going to do it in person like I planned.

The meaning of...

2008-10-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

I've been living in Madrid for 7 months now and I have learned meanings to new expressions, phrases and words.

But for the benefit of those who still don't understand the meaning of classic words and phrases I have put them down here for you.

I've added some new ones that I have come up with.

What is A Guest..

1. a person entertained at the home of another; visitor
2. a person entertained by another acting as host at a restaurant, theater, etc.

You do not, order your guest about or treat them like shit.... If you do, then you have to wonder why you hardly get a visitor to your home.

What No means..

1. an utterance of no; refusal or denial
2. a negative vote, or a person voting in the negative; nay

Self explanatory really...

Vocabulary...

1, What one needs in order to understand a language foreign to he or she.
2, a collection of words, or phrases of a foreign language one has accumulated to understand
the language in question

It helps a lot by living in a foreign country...

Life Experience...

Something one needs in order to survive the crazy world that we live in. The sooner one realizes that mummy and daddy are not there to wipe your butt clean or deposit cash in your bank account, the sooner you will be grateful that you are an adult that has to be responsible for yourself!

Friend

1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance
2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4: a favored companion

If you don't talk to people then how are you going to make a friend? If you rather be "billy no mates" that is your choice.

What is Respect.

Respect is esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.

that also means keeping your mouth shut when you know your opinions might hurt people's feelings.

Emotional Suicide Bomber

A person who bends over backwards trying to get acknowledgment over a task or favor and if that does not happen then they will verbally explode in your face, hurting your feelings leaving you feeling like shit.

Billy No Mates.

UK term, means someone who is often on their own because they have few or any friends at all who will give them the time of day.

Life grad flunkie..

Someone who thinks they have all the answers just because they think they have lived life, but deep down are the most Ignorant of all.

"Montera Girl"

A term for a woman who either works the Montera Street in Central Madrid's Gran Via as a prostitute or a woman who dresses in clothes that are clearly too small for her. please.... put them away love, no one wants to see your bits on parade.

Single:

un-attached, free, without commitments.

Pancratis Delierium:

A Extreme devout follower of St Pancras who thinks that eating a lot of parsley will either make them get closer to the saint or will obtain protection from him.

Witch. A priestess or priest of the Old religion Wicca, who look like everyday people and not the stereotypes made popular thanks to the Church in medieval times, when there was some people resisting to join Christianity.

More definitions in another blog....

Special thanks to Merrion Webster, Wikipedia, Google and Amker K for the other definitions.

Blogging... Relacement for journal entry?

2008-10-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

My first trip outside Spain since moving there was to Dublin in Ireland. arriving there was pretty stress free, but other than the reason why I was there which was to see Celine Dion and IL DIVO in action, and to meet some old friends and a new one Angel.... I had to deal with a pain in the arse while I was there and when I got back to Madrid.

I remember browsing in an Irish Gift shop and something caught my fancy. It was a journal, it was at reduced price and I thought well then If I am going to write about my experience in Madrid, I need to write it on paper first.

I use to write in diaries when I was younger, what use to piss me off was having a younger brother who would read the contents of them and then blackmail you afterwards. I got smart when I started hiding them in places I knew he wouldn't look. then I got even smarter by not keeping one at all. I wrote what I was thinking and I was an unhappy teenager, which is no surprise really, but the issues that I had to deal with made living my own life harder.

Looking back I don't really know why I was so concerned about writing all this stuff down if I wasn't going to make use of it. Until I moved to Madrid.

Coming back from Dublin, I began to write what I was thinking, from the huge bust up with my ex flat mate to when I started work. The whole month was eventful, I had more ups and downs because I was starting to be myself more and I was writing what I was thinking. I realized that if I wanted to defend myself through words, then I didn't necessarily needed to use my voice, so I continued to write in my journal in the early hours of Saturday morning only a few hours before I was moving to where I currently live now.

I was still writing things down, for example, there are a lot of things about people I know that are in my journal I have for reference. Most of it will never see cyber space and there are somethings which I am going to post like feelings about other people who have truly touched me in a way that is hard to understand unless you have lived it yourself.

But what's with Blogs anyway? why do people feel comfortable pouring personal stuff about themselves into them. why would anyone go into explicit details over stuff that could start World Wars? And why am I willing to write about things like that myself?

Because I don't want there to be anymore surprises with me. My move to Madrid brought out the me which would eat the invisible chicken suit as Anticuchu. the old me would have never written half of the stuff I have written on here.

I am writing a book for God's sake, If I was worried about what people thought, then I have no chance of being a writer.

I am almost at the end of my Irish Journal. Will I get another one to write down more things or shall I just write on here.... who knows...

Film Fest Feast of Symphony Rock Fusion

2008-10-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Innocence was Promoting in Mostoles Madrid where there was film festival... I didn't stick around for the screening of the movie cuz I had to go to Terminal 4 and pick up my boyfriend from work.. but I did see Innocence's performance.....

What can I say? Last weekend was great.. Never been to a film fest even though I was only there for the opening act....

I arrived at Mostoles about 5.45 pm and after asking around where the venue was, I came face to face with the funny looking building.. it's called the "Forest Theatre" and you can see why.. it looks like a forest. OK I found the entrance after figuring out where to go and was chatting a bit on the phone with Mia when all of a sudden a few feet away from the entrance, there she was. Geraldine, chattiing with Rosie (Carlos in case you read this your sister absolutely rocks!) Danny (yum) Sergio ( Thud) and El Maño (dear God Thud!)... El Maño's face was a picture when he saw me... he was surprised as hell, they all waved and Geraldine came over to say hi and thanks for coming.... she said it was a surprise to see me there... then I remembered that I was still talking to Mia and asked if Mia wanted to talk to Ger. Mia certainly didn't say no. then after that Ger had to go and get ready..

I had a problem at this rate.... I didn't have a ticket... Well it said free entrance and I assumed you didn't need a ticket... but the nice lady at the box office said that If I waited perhaps somone would come to the box office with a ticket they no longer needed.... I didn't have to wait long.. I asked for 2 and gave my spare to a friend of an Old lady in the queue... I was front of the queue but lost my place when I saw all the free goodies... but that didn't matter because where I was in the queue still gave me a shot in the front row.. Ger was doing a press interview and pics were being taken.. I managed to take one from where I was which was upstairs.

The doors to the actual theatre opened Half an hour late but it didn't stop me from getting to the front row.. I was asked if I wanted to move further to get a better view... excuse me? I'm in the front row here I can almost touch the stage and you want me to move? I don't think so.. and best of all I was allowed to use my camera!!

Ger came on looking gorgeous with her corset and as for her dancers.... Thud.... ALex the Choreographer was also there making them 4 dancers.. She sang McAuthur Park which I managed to tape 30 odd seconds of the start, Naturaleza Muerta in Spanish.... holy hell any closer and I would have fainted and Un Rio Profundo where the guys were egging everyone to participate... and yes someone shouted Guapa a few times!!

As soon a Ger was done I asked if I could leave the theatre and there were no problems with that... I couldn't hang around to see the movie cuz I needed to go and pick up my boyfriend from work... I waited for Ger and the dancers to exit... didn't have to wait long cuz Danny was the first one out and I gave him a Hug.. Followed by Alex G... who asked how I was, I told him much better... He naturally has a raspy voice... then El Maño who really is a great Hugger asked me how I was and said he almost didn;t recognise me earlier cuz of my hat.... it was freezing.. he was wearing a nice woolly scarf and I told him that he made a smart choice in wearing it. Then I said my goodbyes to Sergio who was dragging a suitcase and a bag with the "Trident" from Naturaleza Muerta.. then Rosie... I wanted to chat to her a bit cuz she was always busy last month.. she was a little busy last night too but had time to tell me she couldn't believe I was there for the show... She was even more surprised I was talking in SPanish... Ger was in a hurry to leave cuz she had to go somewhere for a promo or something... But she had time for a hug and to sign an autograph for my friend Angel... and I gave Geraldine an extra hug for the "Birthday boy"..

And Off I was back to Central Madrid...

Once again thank you so much Geraldine for sharing your wonderful talent with us..

and as for the Guys, Alex G, Danny El Maño (nobody calls him by his first name!) and Sergio.. thanks you guys.. you're all pretty special..

And here are 2 videos I took. they are very short cuz I wanted to save the battery...
I'm extremely proud of this one.
http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=JlKN8bJji8o

MacArthur Park.
http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=vOBB1uaxsGQ

Hmmmm let's see..

Fayre to Mostoles Madrid 4 Euros in Total....

Lunch courtesy of Carrefour Super Market... 2 Euros...

Entrance ticket to the film fest 30 minutes of waiting for a spare....

Seeing the look on a certain person's face when he saw me and making a 30 second video of him dancing.... Priceless!

No time Limit on how long you know someone to call them a friend. Part 3

2008-10-21T17:07:00.000-07:00

Wild Chicks...... Are waiting to return to the Fire!

Sounds familiar doesn't it?

OK Let me explain.. the title was inspired by a song by Duran Duran... "Wild Boys".. This is the 3rd installment of my blogs on my best friends. and this is about 2 special people and well the 3 of us really are "Wild Chicks!"

I'd met Vivien before, the day I was due to fly out to Madrid in December 2006 with Norma, along with Virginie, my mum, and a shed load of IL DIVO fans that were familiar to the South Bank scene were waiting for the boys to appear or chat to us.... We'd chatted a few times on the forum, Vivien and she even sent me a message to Give to Geraldine to wish her luck when she was shooting her music video in Madrid... But Vivien and I met again at Wembley May 2007 and when we found out we were sitting next to each other at IL DIVO's London concert... I knew it was going to be a scream.

We apparently had the 11th row to start with but when we arrived because the Tekkies had to fit the Stage, they took put the first 7 rows.. So we ended up in the 5th. I had bought my mascot with me which was a cuddly version of Disney's Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Everyone assumed it was a present for Carlos, but I wasn't thinking of handing it to him, especially when we thought we were sitting in the 11th row and getting anywhere near the stage during "Somewhere" would be a bit disastrous. (When I was at one of the concerts in Birmingham last May, the night of the Champions' League Final where my team AC MILAN won!, I almost had my spine crushed)

OK that a side, the Concert was fantastic as usual. The opening act, a talented, very funny and very cute pianist called William Joseph (which Vivien Admins his forum) was a hit with everyone. and then IL DIVO were on... As usual there were jokes and their songs made a few of us cry, but when it got the Encore part of their show, Vivien wanted to get to the front of the stage.. me too because I made up my mind about the Beast.... Carlos was getting him. there was one problem.. from the 5th row the Ushers were blocking our way to the front so Vivien saw 2 seats empty in 2 rows in front of ours and suggested we'd hurdle over them. So we did... Someone complained by saying that they paid to be in that row but they weren't in those seats so Vivien said "We paid to be at this concert!"

I still couldn't get my head around it... we were at the front of the stage and well The rest is history. Carlos took the Beat off me and apparently according to Vivien, our friend dot and some of the German fans who were there he was waving at us in the car with it on his lap.

When I decided to run an unofficial forum dedicated to Carlos, I asked Vivien to be one of the moderators there. I'm glad I did..

We met again in Birmingham for the book signing the guys had there and she was very proud that she made David Miller blush... she mentioned something to do with "swiveling hips".

Anyhow, when Vivien couldnt't make it to see Geraldine in concert last year in Madrid I happily got her an album for her.

Little did I know that I was going to meet another special person in Madrid.

Mia and I started writing to each other on the same message board as me and Vivien. Her coming to Madrid from Sweden was a whim. She had never done what she had done before. she needed a holiday with her partner of 30 years Ulf and we arranged to meet near the Teatro Haagen Dazs when the day after we both arrived in Madrid. It took ages. There was a lot of traffic and because I was staying the North of Madrid for the weekend I hadn't quite figured out which train to take to the Centre.

Well Mia and I met.. it was like we'd known each other for years. I Introduced her to Vivi as well and Mia let us know that Geraldine had already arrived to the Haagen Dazs and she found out that Carlos would be arriving at 4.. we didn't see him come in through the stage door. And when I saw 3 people at Maestro Churreros who might know, I didn't ask them. at that point I was still wearing my invisible chicken suit.
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That weekend seemed almost unreal. I was picking up all kinds of vibes, good ones, weird ones, my feelings were all over the place. Especially when I met Carlos' parents and Geraldine's mother. Well I went with Mia to meet Carlos' father, I was nervous, after that I needed to go somewhere and cry cuz everything happening to me was so intense. Mia seemed to be under control but she was also feeling the nerves.

She eventually came face to face with both Carlos and Geraldine. There is a group photo of Virginie, myself and Mia, with 5 other fans, Geraldine and the only man in the photo Carlos... It's affectionately known as the "Rooster" Photo. It was funny when her hair got caught on Carlos' shirt and she almost fell.

Between the 3 of us, Mia, Vivien and myself, we were going through changes in our lives, we were each questioning things in our lives and we were about to rediscover how to relive it.

We all met together for the first time in February this year. Vivien had sent the kids to her mum's and decided a girl's weekend was in Order. it was fun. Mia and I met first in London before then to see Blake (a Brit all Baritone group), but we went to a Magical shop to find some nice incense and candles to take to our girly weekend. The train ride seemed to go on forever and we eventually ended up taking a bus up to where Vivien lived and she picked us up in the Car. it was like it was meant to be. That weekend was great. we had wine, we ate pizza, we went out the day after to eat cake and have hot chocolate, I made pasta, Mia performed Reiki and we watched Beauty and the Beast.

Then we all met again in September 2008 when Vivien was there for the weekend to see Geraldine in concert. God we had fun. the first night she was there we went to my favorite bar and well the sangrias were huge and I was a bit drunk. Went to our favorite shops, Had lunch at a Peruvian Restaurant, Had fun at the concerts... (she took a hell of a lot of pics!) but when the weekend was over I was actually in tears because my 2 best friends were leaving me.

I guess Vivien has helped me to come to terms with part of me which, I didn't know how to deal with. she's had some health issues but that is under control now and with that she is rediscovering herself with surprising results. we do get up to mischief, for example the hurdling over the seats at Wembley was one of them and chatting to the Conductor of the Orchestra was another. She plays the cello which is why she started to chat with the orchestra as well and told Charlie the conductor that she could also conduct.. Somehow they suggested that she should be in the pit next year.. she was suggesting to knock the cellist out and take her place.

And Mia? Mia came to support me when I first moved to Madrid. she's been nothing but a great friend and of great support. The way she has chosen to live her life is eccentric and perhaps it doesn't go down well with some conformists who believe everything has to be in this order or done that way... There are a lot of things I've learned from her. I rediscovered myself thanks to her and the changes I have made in my life and my personality is down to the fact that she showed me that I should leave the invisible chicken suit at home. Some call her a Angel and some a Witch and I've met people who think one or the other of her. Actually witch isn't such an insult because well, witches are not scary... it's just a misconception handed down from Generations by the Church.

We're all connected here, through something or another, perhaps a journey we need to take either on our own or together, embracing the shadow as a card reading I Once got said. Or we've met thanks to other special people who send a message about bringing people together of all ages and all walks of life.

Vivien and Mia and Myself are from different back grounds, but it seems like we've known each other for years.. We have fun which is important and we can joke about things that only we know because we've lived them. We truly are Wild Chicks at heart!

Time limit on friendship? I don't think so, each person I meet, I Value them a great deal because they teach me things that will later be useful in my journey through my crazy life.

If anyone else can't see that or they are too scared to make new friends, then that is their problem.

No time Limit on how long you know someone to call them a friend. Part 2

2008-10-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

My last entry was about my one of my best friends Virginie and the adventures we've had around Europe and of course in Madrid that weekend of Innocence's first 2 concerts.. I'll never forget Daniel, the French security Guard in the Metro who told Vivi in french (he was French too) what he planned to do with me.... I guess he didn't think she'd tell me afterwards.

This next part is about how as well as no time limit on friendship, there is no age limit either. i discovered that in October 2005 in London when me and my mum ventured down to London's South Bank for yes you guessed it to see IL DIVO. They were due to appear on a show and at 10.00 am they had a meet and Greet with the fans. I was chatting to a lady who said her 12 year old Grandaughter loved Sebastien and she wanted to get his autograph for her, the next thing I knew there were 2 guys one with a microphone and the other with a video camera and they said they were doing a documentary about Il Divo and they wanted to interview the fans. God I didn't think that nearly 2 months later I would be known as "Aren't you the girl from the "Encore" DVD?"

Anyway they asked us which Divo was our favorite and apparantly saying I loved Carlos because of his voice was not enough (His Voice is incredible) they asked the Lady Norma what else would she like to see and she said "Carlos wearing nothing but a white Apron" I thought it was hysterical. but when we were waiting in the queue to enter the building for the show she had us all in stitches with her stories. we all exchanged numbers cuz I thought it would be great to go and meet Norma for a drink.

The next thing I knew when the First world tour was announced, I told her I was going to the IL DIVO concert in Dublin for my birthday.. she asked if she could join me and I said sure... baring in mind we'd only met 3 weeks earlier. I went around for to her place often for lunch or to watch a video. She asked me how would she be able to get some of the things like the books or the calender and I told her over the internet but because she was afraid to use her credit card I would get what ever it was for her. she would just give me the money for what ever it was and hey presto.

We've had some fun since meeting.. 3 days before my birthday we ventured down to GMTV with 3 other IL DIVO fans to meet Carlos and David. I'll never forget Carlos' words when I told him I wanted a photo of him of me and NOrma... it was "Oh two of you together... fantastic!" we almost collapsed laughing... good job he was there to hold us up.

Not many people have met Norma... she's in her late 60's. I know she's old enough to be my grandma but who cares. Norma acts like a 21 year old despite her health problems... diabetes being one of them. She's quite tough too. she's from the East part of London and they don't take shit from anyone. I call her "Mummy Norma" cuz when we use to go out on our little adventures she would look after me. We even went to Madrid in December 2005 together and it was fun. Well apart from the 3 flights of stairs of our hotel and walking down El Rastro.. she thought it was a scream.. .especially Aranjuez.. If there were more people like Norma, no matter what age.. the world would be a much more fun place.

In my final blog about my best friends, I will tell you about how 3 people from different walks can be brought together by self discoveries that they make and the road that brings together.

No time Limit on how long you know someone to call them a friend. Part 1

2008-10-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

Last year, I traveled to 8 cities over 5 countries to see my favorite group IL DIVO in 11 concerts and one of my fave solo artists Innocence in 2 .As usual all five were fantastic and well the stories I could tell of my travels would make interesting conversation topic openers.

With all these concerts going on, you have a chance to meet people. Some you know from other concerts and some you are meeting for the first time. We would meet up and go for a pre concert drink and if we hadn't seen each other for ages we'd catch up on some gossip.

A lot of them I met on the forums of both artists and we'd chat for ages on messenger about everything from which song we liked best from each artist to funny things Our pets keep doing.

Anyway I'll tell you about my 4 best friends. I met them all on the IL DIVO forum and if you look at our nationalities Italy, France, UK and Sweden... we could make a female version of IL DIVO, but we wouldn't be as vocally talented... Actually Virginie has a great voice.

Speaking of which, I met Virginie in 2006. first on the forum after she was asking a question about where to stay in London when the group were going to make their appearance on the morning show "GMTV". since I had been there 4 times already and I knew where to go and what time we were likely to see them arrive,I invited her to stay with me and my family. She was surprised at first. here was someone willing to trust a complete stranger to stay in their home for 2 day, where as someone would have given her a list of hotels to stay. Virginie wanted to meet IL DIVO as she had never done before, There was a list of people going to the studio already posted on the topic forum and by some of the names I read, I knew some of them wouldn't give her a chance to get near them and some like with many artists feel they own the group...

We spent 2 months planning to meet up and what we were going to do or say and when I went to pick Virginie from Eurostar, she was really excited about the following day.. So excited that the poor thing passed out on the Subway and spent 4 hours in A & E wrorried that she might have to stay over night. well that didn't happen.

In the end we did go to the studio where they were shooting GMTV and we were greeted by the IL Divo manager who told us all to queue up as we were going to be sent in 4 at a time. Imagine that 100 odd women showing up in the pouring rain, waiting to go into the nice warm building where 4 of the most gorgeous and vocally talented artists in the business were standing... Since I was due to go in next I looked at Virginie, another french girl Guilaine and 2 Swedish girls (Part of IDSOW....Il Divo's Swedish Outrageous Women)... I let them in before me. they came all the way from another country to see their favorite group and if it were me going else where they would do the same.

Well I got in too to see them, and When their Website announced the dates to the world tour, Virginie was thinking about doing the London concerts and as the months went by we found out we were going to do the same concerts, 11 in total. Some countries she was visiting for the first time, like Ireland and Holland. we had a lot of fond memories of each visit to each country and we experienced some moments good and bad.. Like when we arrived to Madrid and the airline forgot Virginie's suitcase in Barcelona. When we met Carlos after the press release of his wife Innocence's music Video "The Show Must Go On" and he was trying to copy her French accent and when he said say hello to London for me... Virginie told him all of the places we were going to one by one and he said "Oh yeah and...."

Our get togethers are always fun. There's never a dull moment with Virginie and well that's what I like about Virginie... we do crazy things together... I said to her "wouldn't it be funny if during La vida Sin Amor (which 2 of the guys dance salsa) they had hula hoops!" The next thing I Knew Virginie drove me to a sports shop and we bought 2 hula hoops and brought them with us to the IL DIVO concert in Paris. It was hysterical.. I couldn't believe we were going through with it, and what shocked us was that the 2 guys David and Sebastien took them off us. David wanted to use his, but Sebastien was a bit erm... chicken.

Some narrow minded person made a comment on how French and Italians would never get on because of what happened at the World Cup final in 2006. Well that's bullshit because we've proven them wrong big time. Besides Virginie Likes the Rugby World Cup and Sebastien's best friend is Italian (Sebbie is French by the way)

I owe Virginie a lot as a friend because since meeting her, I have done things I have never done before. I guess having a partner in crime helps.. lol..

Next time I will post about my other best friends who have taught me more things about me that I didn't know about myself.

And who said you have to know someone for a long time to consider them as a friend. Why? is there a written law or unwritten law? I don't think so... What ever happened to taking a chance on people..I know people are scared to trust these days but hey if your gut instinct is telling you that you are dealing with a good person... why argue

Funny moment with my younger Brother.

2008-10-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

My brother Jules mentioned that he wants to come to visit me in Madrid. When we weren't callling each other names and didn't want to kill each other, we got on quite well. for example the rare occasions we went out for a drink or when my parents were on Holiday. (I'll never forget when he left a costume of the Pope on a bus and had to call the Bus station to see if they had it!)

This one occasion was when we were on Holiday in Italy for Christmas. We went out with my cousin Teresa to an Irish pub, where they did cocktails and some really nice ones too. I remember that they were cheap too. I wanted I bought a "Screaming Orgasm" and a "White Russian" my brother couldn't decide what he wanted but was curious about this one cocktail called "Blow Job". in the end I was getting impatient and asked him "Do you want this "Blow Job" or not?!" we were both cryiung with laughter.

Obviously our cousin had no Idea what we were laughing about and so we told her. She was crying with laughter too!

Things I can't stand the taste of...

2008-10-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

Things I Can't stand the Taste of.

There are some things that I have grown an absolute dislike of since I've been living in Spain. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Spanish cooking, as long as you can actually cook it. But there are some things that are left alone to the professionals.

I found some things here taste pretty fowl and here they are including the reason I won't touch them with a barge poll.

Temptation. It's actually a Swedish dish. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are better ways of cooking it but I can't stand it. It's a dish which is layered with Potato, anchovies, cream and god knows what else, this one had cheese but still urgh! My idea of “Temptation” Is a very gorgeous looking man in a...... You catch my drift.

Caviare: I hate this with a vengeance. Who in their right mind would want to eat raw fish eggs.. I wouldn't serve it to my cat let alone my guests if I was holding a dinner party. Why would someone pay so much money to buy something you don't like the taste of just to show of to your guests and get into their good books.

Very overcooked pasta. I think it's disgraceful the way I've seen and heard the way some people cook their pasta here. First of all I know that I am in Spain but I lived in the UK most of my life before coming here and even though you will get some people who do not have a clue how long it takes to cook pasta, it clearly says so on the packaging. I was once told in Spain, everyone likes their pasta a little over cooked. I'd like to remind people that I am Italian and I take my pasta very seriously, You cannot expect me to believe that out of 6 million Madrilenos, everyone throws their pasta against a wall to see if it sticks there. The next time someone serves me over cooked pasta which looks like wall paper glue, it's going over their head!

Cooking cream. It makes me break out with so many spots and it does no favours for your figure not to mention your arteries.

Coleslaw... other wise known as American Salad. I haven't liked it since I left high school. Nothing has changed.

Bland Food. Please, not everyone in Madrid is like one of my Ex bosses from where I use to work in London, least of all me. I like my food with a lot of flavor. If it doesn't have at least a pinch of salt then I will not touch it.

Bland fried Chicken: Again put some salt on it.

Deep fried Chicken wings: Who's idea was it to introduce this on some of the menus in the most boring places of Madrid. If it's not cleaned, covered in batter, flavouring, BBQ sauce or even a little salt, then do not expect me to eat this shit.

Raw Mackerel: I don't want to die of food poisoning thank you very much. I may as well play Russian Roulette with Badly prepared Fugu.

Calamocho: Who ever invented this, needs to be shot. It's absolutely fowl tasting
and I can't believe people actually drink this stuff.

Nachos: I've grown such a dislike to these things it's not funny. The only thing I do like is the cheese sauce and Jalapeños. Other than that, if someone offers to share it as a starter they can bloody well eat them themselves.

Mashed potato Soup: I like my Mashed potato to well look like Mashed potato not wall paper glue.

Pasta sauce from a Jar: If you are going to do something with pasta, please have the decency to put some properly made sauce and not some cheap rubbish because you either don't have a clue how to make it yourself or you can't be bothered.

Callos: This dish is way too strong for me and since my Trip outside Madrid, I haven't touched it since.

Mojitos: I don't hate them, but I don't love them either. I'm in limbo when it comes to this cocktail. I guess i still need to find a place that makes very good mojitos.

Baileys and Vanilla: This I do not like at all because it tastes like something a five year old put together. It's Baileys Irish cream with Vanilla milkshake. I'd rather drink baileys either straight with ice or in coffee or even better with Ice cream.

Moises

2008-10-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

I would say that is obvious who this is about. People who know me, will have either met him or they've been told about him. My co workers know who he is and I will soon explain why that is. What is surprising is that out of all the guys I have had relationships with, I am willing to openly talk about him. What can I say he's the first guy I have been seriously involved with since moving to Madrid.
His name is not made up, in fact it is his second name. His first is easy to remember and it can be defined with a symbol. Both names in fact, are based on biblical characters, which I thought was unusual at the time. He explained that when he was a child, the way his father explained why he was called what he is called made him realize he was worthy of those names.

I'll start from the beginning shall I? The last thing I wanted was a relationship let alone a boyfriend. I went through a painful phase in my life a few months before which involved breaking up with a long term boyfriend. I wanted to be alone for a while which was a little hard because I felt I was being “pimped”to anyone who had a penis, which was starting to make me angry. There was this one guy I got involved with here but he was a one off.I was the first woman he had ever been with in his life and when he started talking about getting married, having kids, I Told him “you don't even know me!” The fact that I was his first was a little embarrassing but a woman also has needs.

Getting back to my story. I couldn't wait to start my new job. In fact that was where I met Moises. The last place I was looking for a man was there. I actually met him on my very first day at work. I arrived early because I was shit scared of arriving there late or even worse getting lost and I had met one of my managers who is also a good friend too. Giovi took me to the employer's changing room and gave me my uniform, 2 pants, 2 T shirts, a belt and 1 baseball cap. At the same time Moises walked in. It was no big deal to me to get changed in front of another man, I worked in a hospital a few years back so I wasn't phased. Besides we only had one changing room and that was it.

While Moises went to get a drink, as he always does before he starts a shift, I shoved my new uniform into my bag. The next thing I could hear was “Has anyone seen my cap?” It hit me like a tonne of bricks that I had taken this guy's hat. It was embarrassing, my first day at work and I take a co worker's hat by accident. He didn't mind at all. In fact he just smiled at me. God that smile.

I currently work in McDonald's. You have to realize that when I arrived in Spain, my Spanish vocabulary needed a boost and there was a financial crisis going on so I chose a job with a long term contract. I am not ashamed to work at McDonald's because at the end of the day it helps me pay the rent. It had been 10 years since I worked in one in London and Jessi who is another manager but completely crazy, put me straight on the till. These tills are electronic and have pictures of the products so I learned quickly. The special orders were different. If a customer wanted something specific for example, no pickle, extra cheese, or no bread you had to communicate with the kitchen staff for that. That's where Moises worked. He told me once he had no patience working on a till so he prefers to be behind the scenes. I noticed that every time I put an order in he would say “Thanks” followed by what the order was. But I noticed he was imitating my accent. Well everyone there was doing it, he was just the first person to do it. Actually from then on working with him was actually quite fun. It still is because we have proved that we can work together without the distractions.

What I didn't know was that when we first met, he told me he was left speechless and was doing anything to attract my attention, so that's where the imitating came in . I did pretend to get pissed off with him and told him “I am going to kill you!” and he replied with a smile “No don't kill me!”

He hadn't told anyone that he was interested in me, not even his best friend. When I was working there for a month, I was on different shifts, mornings as well as afternoons. So for most afternoons, Moises would be in the kitchen and afternoons would be Eric. That meant that we'd eat lunch at the same time. Every lunch time he asked me a different question. If I had a partner, kids, how long I lived here. I wondered why he was asking me.To this day I wonder if he already knew and was asking me questions just to find out for his best friend.

One thing for sure is that if it had not been for Eric's suggestion, then things would not have turned out the way they did.

I went to work one day feeling like shit. I was having a nightmare week and I needed to talk to someone {funny how everyone I talked to that day were all from where Moises is from.}I had spent the last few days feeling that where I was living was worse than hell and I needed a new place to live as soon as I got paid. I told Eric and he said “Ah why don't you talk to Moises,he might help.” he asked me if I knew who he was talking about and I said “Yeah, smiling boy?” he thought that comment was funny.

So I waited for him to arrive. I was quite nervous. I remember when he walked into the Kitchen, I Yelled, “I need to talk to you!” so when I was out in the lounge he came looking for me. He could tell something was wrong so I told him I needed a place to live. He said he was willing to help and his intentions were as a friend. He soon made me smile again. But the day he suggested clashed with other plans that I had.

He was off the day of the “Gay Pride” parade and I Had to be where the closing ceremony was being held. Vasquez de Mella Square. The same week I told him that I had found a place and promised to go out for a drink with him the following week. The week had passed, I had a run in at the airport with my ex flat mate over something that no longer concerned her and Moises saw everything and asked me if I was OK. Then the day before we were suppose to go out, he took me to one side and asked me if I like beer. I didn't understand at first but then he said he hoped I had not forgotten that we were going to go out for a drink. I said I didn't and I thought he had. So I gave him my number at the end of the shift. I was not expecting him to call me the next day but I was wrong. That was his first surprise.

I didn't know what to expect. I made my way to Vasquez de Mella Square with a few minutes to spare, sitting on my favorite bench and talking to my friend. The time to meet was approaching and I made my way to The McDonald's on Gran Via street.

It was 5 pm and I wasn't exactly sure if he was going to show up or not. At that point it would not had bothered me if he didn't show up but, he called me earlier that day to ask what time we were going to meet. Well to my surprise there he was, emerging from the stairs of the Metro {Underground}.

We ventured to my favorite bar, chatting side by side. I've always felt I could talk to him and his imitation of me at work whenever I put in an order made me laugh. I introduced him to my favorite bar and one of the waiters that I know well because one of my best friends and I were always served by him when she came out to support me in Madrid. Moises was very laid back and loved talking. I managed to find out his date of birth and I was quite shocked. Well so was he when I told him how old I was. He mentioned that he had a friend in Peru which is where he's from who was going out with an Italian and was very curious about where I came from. {I think I mentioned in an earlier chapter that I'm Italian}. He wanted to know the language, the places, everything.

I don't know what was going on, and when my feelings changed.When he started s troking my arm and my hand, or when he moved closer to me and suggested perhaps we should be more than friends. I thought why not? We were a little bit drunk 2 sangrias and 3 beers He mentioned that none of his friends would believe that we went out together. I couldn't figure out why they would be surprised.

The way home changed. Rather than walking side by side, leaned forward and kissed me. That was another surprise. I mean I shouldn't have been surprised because we left the bar hand in hand. He was expecting an ass kicking or a slap from me but I reassured him by taking his hand and kissing him.

You see, unlike other guys I have have met here in Spain, Moises was up front about his intentions with me when we went out the first time. He wanted me to be his girlfriend. He didn't weave some story that he wanted me to teach him language classes like the guy that I had a brief “fling” with. I call it brief because I sure as hell was not planning on doing it again. I wanted to be with Moises because despite being far from the type of man I would go for, I was falling for him. But we were taking a risk in going out with each other because we were still co workers. So we decided to keep it quiet. That didn't last long.

What I didn't know was that apparently, I had a rival. I wanted to at least tell one person at work about going out with Moises, purely because I was happy for the first time in months. There was Flora,{it's not her real name} a young girl of 19 who had a thing for Moises.I suddenly thought “you fancy my boyfriend?”, but decided to keep quiet at this point. She mentioned that she didn't feel that way for him in the beginning. I tried to explain to her that at her, age, I had fancied someone at work but was too shy to tell him how I felt. Flora eventually lost interest in him. How she lost interest shocked me.

Not exactly the best way to find out . Your new partner has a history he's rather not talk about and you don't directly find out from him or her. The expression on my face was enough to make him question “if she knew would we even be going out with each other?”

I had one thing on my mind, go straight home. I was glad I was on holiday because had I been working that day with him, I might have gone hysterical. I was in no mood for talking but he promised he would call me later to explain. He did and asked me how I was. I felt like shit to be honest . How could he not tell me this? It dawned on me that it was not as bad as it sounded when he explained it to me. It was worse. Obviously I reacted the way he expected I would react over this. It was the fact I found out from someone else and not him. He did feel bad for the way I found out. In fact he got annoyed but decided to set the record straight with Flora that he was only interested in her as a friend.

As for his past, his almost 2 years older than I am. He has seen a lot and experienced a lot of things that I haven't and probably won't. I understood why he didn't want to tell me this at first, he was young and thought he was doing the right thing at the time. The “right” thing often can make someone really miserable and regret that they did it. I know because I have often done the “right” because it was what others wanted. Sometimes I am glad that he didn't tell me right away. Obviously I am not glad for the way I found out. But I got to see Moises for the man that he is and not for how the others at work see him. In fact he asked me “if I had told you before, would you still look at me the same?” I said I didn't know and he said “Sure you do!”

When I moved to Madrid, I decided to see the world in a different light. The views that I had before when I lived with my parents changed. I guess because I wasn't constantly thinking about a future they wanted for me. I began to think the same about people. Nobody is perfect, in fact we all have our flaws, all of use have made mistakes. If you believe in God then you will believe that he didn't make everyone perfect for a reason. The world would be so boring if everyone was. What we have to do is be capable of seeing beyond the flaws and imperfections and what ever errors we have committed.

We decided after that, that this relationship was for keeps. We're both adults and we know what we are doing. He has gone as far as telling his family very on in the relationship that we are together. Something in my history of my relationship with men has never happened.

Since then, everyone at work now know that this relationship is for real. There are some people who are still finding out and even Flora herself seems to have given me her blessing. She still won't talk to Moises but that is normal given the circumstances. Often people at work will remind me of Moises' past and I will either tell them I already know and don't care or I will tell them to mind their own business. Everyone at work has secrets that we all know but are not so narrow minded to spill them. I go to work because I go to work and what I do outside is my business. We have a right to be happy.

We are having fun at the end of the day. When we are at work, we act like 2 teenagers, giggling and stealing moments to touch each other's hands. Or to even talk to each other. We know that we are 2 adults but we are 2 people who are experiencing and feeling things that we have not felt in a long time or probably not felt at all.

What I am trying to tell you is that, if you fall for someone, so what of their past history . To hell with convention and what other people consider as normal. Like I mentioned before, if it feels normal to you then why should you bend over backwards to seek approval of those who don't understand your intentions? Most of the time, people's advice or comments are vicious and not helpful at all. Sometimes they don't realize it or they know they are doing it on purpose. Eric told me that at the end of the day all I need to know lies within Moises himself. And he's right.

Not giving a Carajo.... 3 months later.

2008-10-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

I was chatting to a friend of mine I hadn't spoken to in months, well we use to chat a lot on Messenger... she kept sending me messages afterwards to ask what had happened to me because it had seemed like I had disappeared off the face of planet earth... So I called her last night to ask how she was.... It was a silly question considering she had been on cloud 9 all week. She was one of the 12 Italians that had a chance to meet IL DIVO when they were in Italy to do an interview... she and the others waited 2 years for them to come back to Italy...

Well after that I explained where I have been. Antonella is from the same region as my mother so we understand each other pretty well. she knows me well too so there was no point hiding anything.. I told her the truth in a nutshell that I was being driven nuts and had to leave where I was staying... she congratulated me and I explained that was why I wasn't always in touch.

The thing I love about blogs is, you can be personal on them. I don't care who reads what I write. The last 3 months have made me reflect on who I want in my life and who I don't want and let's face it there are some people I can't avoid at the moment because I work with them but I don't think twice about telling them what I think... I might be foreign but I am not a push over.

Some people I decided that I would rather have someone cut out my heart, turn it into Anticuchu and feed it to me. Now last month I could not avoid some encounters but luckily for me I had reached a stage where I didn't care, I was with my best friends, I was with some really cool people and after that it was time for a drink or 2 in our favorite bar. The way I do things is this if I don't like someone I will either be polite and not say anything or tell them to their face "I am sorry but I don't like this thing you do" what ever it may be.. I have long given up in hoping that my friends will all get on with each other. if they don't that's their business not mine, if they can be polite to each other fine but if any of my friends start complaining to me about what my friends do or why they don't like them or think they are not good for me then 2 things will happen.. either I start screaming blue murder or you won't ever hear from me again. I Am an adult for Christ's sake and I do not plan on becoming "Billy No Friends" just to please people. I lost a lot of friends because an ex boyfriend didn't like them.

Yes I do go on about stuff like this... I made some good friends since I moved to where I live.. My 2 flat mates which thank God love cats, I started going out with a co worker who was my friend at first and this place is much friendlier. My landlady is a little nuts but she's great to talk to and half of the stuff I was told more than 3 months ago that went out with the garbage the weekend I moved in.

I'm much more relaxed now, I live 5 minutes from El Corte Ingles, If I want to go to a bar for a drink I will go because I want to and get this to the places I like going to.... My kind of Normal is going to work at 2 pm and eating my past "Al dente" and not wall paper consistency. My boyfriend stays the night sometimes. I was told that perhaps it might annoy my flat mates but one of them also has a boyfriend and he stays the night too (it's funny how our boyfriends haven't met each other yet)

If anything I've grown up in the last 3 months and well now I have someone or something that depends on me.... but as far as everyone else is concerned who likes to think they can try to run people's lives and be nosey I don't give a carajo about them.....

Carajo if I have actually spelled it right, it an expression I picked up from work which is not surprising considering all the swearing I hear on a daily basis.. "me importa un carajo" means "I don't give a f***," "s***" or if you want to be polite "damn" I live my life my way and I am not the same person I was 6 months ago... hell I am not the same person I was last year..

I am still writing my book.. now ther will be some things that will raise a few eyebrows, my style of writing and what I may or may not put in there, but I am ready!!!

The World of Innocence, music, magic, dancing and fun!

2008-10-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

We waited nearly 5 months for this week to arrive.... We had a feeling this time around the shows were going to be bigger, better and well full of surprises..... we were not disappointed. Here's our story......

The whole experience started the weekend before the concerts.... Mia and I wanted to see if anything was going on there and there was.. last minute preperations and Carlos was in fact there in his role of "mr producer" he is a pretty demanding guy.. he wasn´t coming out so there was no way we were gonna ask someone to call him over... We heard Ger practicing some new songs and we got to hear the new intro.. it made us question.

Well as a bonus we did meet 2 dancers.. the Choriographer Alex G and a guy that Mia took a shine too... Hinley... They remembered me from Gay Pride weekend, especially Hinley( yes I named my cat after him)... it was fun talking to them.. they didn´t believe us when we told them we would be there at all 6 concerts... I told Hinley that I was bringing my boyfriend to one of the concerts and I told him he was Peruvian... He said that where he´s from which is Cuba they have nick name for them which is "Panchitos". which means "trouble" At least it wasn't a swearword...

Right the week of the Concert...

The first night all these famous people from Spanish TV started showing up.. I met up some other friends I hadn´t seen in ages...well tell a lie 1 saw 2 of them in Dublin last May... Beatriz, Gemma, Candy and Teresa who were in the famous "Rooster" photo from last year's concert with us. we were talking about whether this concert was going to be packed. I said yes.... but because there was a premier of "Che The Argentine" a few yards away some were unsure.... Oh ye of little faith...

Well one of the guys was from a TV series I watch when I am not working.... he's cuter in real life... also there was a cute guy with very long hair who was South American with god knows how many buttons undone on his shirt.. I say that cuz I could see his tattoo of a spider on his chest...

OK Never mind that...

We we entered the venue there were free drinks.. Mia handed me a flute with Spumante which I thought was wierd considering we were in Spain,... but hey what can I say cheers Carlos!!!! I took wine too and Gemma told me that one more of those and I will start thinking Geraldine has a twin when she's on stage... ha ha ha..

We got to meet the mother of the artist France who just screams personality, as usual she wore white which she wears quite well..

The intro of the concert was spectacular.. it had the same as before.. you know intro to Lettre a France then Naturaleza muerta and then the intro to Macarthur Park... but what was super spectacular was Geraldine´s entrance. She was suspended high up in the air on a harness with a Guardian angel behind her with his wings stretched far out... he looked familiar... I looked closer and it was El Maño!!! OMG OMG!! finally we got to find out what the intro was like... when they were both on the stage the rest of the dancers got into position and this angel boomed "Welcome to the World Of Innocence!" Mia wasted no time in pointing him out to me and I was like "OMG I know!"

He got his wings off really quick, Then as you could probably guess Ger went into "The show must go on" and well it was fantastic... what was really fantastic was that because the stage crew had to make room for the stage they took out the front row... so the the second row that we had became the front row...

MacArthur Park was spectacular.. and As for Maldita Soledad, this time Ger was singing by this tall gate.....

OK Gotic from the Tula Brothers.... It´s always a joy to see these 2 in action.. the gold pants were exchange for black short leggings but still OMG!!!

Lettre A France.... I will admit that I was crying to this song even though my french is pretty bad but she was sensational as usual.. Sin tenerte A Ti.. love this song... maybe cuz of the action that goes on around her.... sorry but very difficult not to notice those guys and those chairs... at one point H had El Maño drop to his knees in front of me with his chair and yes I was thinking "Thank you God". Had I attempted to take a picture of that moment I would have dropped my camera along with my jaw.

Por quien Vivir por Siempre..... every night, Ger made a funny comment About why Carlos wasn´t there... she said it was an interactive duo and that she had no idea what it meant.. "I suppose "Inter" for international and "Active" because it´s not passive... i don´t know I´m blonde... sorry I am trying to make jokes here!"

The first night she said "a lot of you have asked me lots of questions for example if I can give them the phone numbers of my fabulous dancers (Me me me me!) and if all this is mine (she was pointing to herself)... well of course it is I paid for it!" she went on to say Carlos was with 3 other guys who were OK and they sing OK but her team were way better....

But this interactive Duo was sensational, her voice has grown in the last year and this duo was sooooo much better than last years.. seriously it was.. of course Carlos appeared on a huge screen singing and he was spectacular too... the 2 dancers Alex G and Gema were sensational and as usual I was crying..

There was some new bits in this concert... there was another Coriography with the dancers... it was like Mortal combat meets, Matrix, meets Crouching Tiger meets this new craze from Japan with the huge drums... It was a fight simulation sequence but it was bl****dy good!!

I loved this song Ger sang next,, it was in French and her costume was amazing... She was wearing a silver metalic suit and was sitting on a chair with wires and bolts and stuff... she was pretending she attatched to it... Alex and Sergio appeared on these pogo stilt thingys and they were the evil cyborgs who controlled all the others stopping them from trying to get to Ger.. the coriography was great on this one... I´ve never seen such hot looking robots....

the 2 girls Sira and Gema did an acrobatic routine which was superspectacular....

Then she did a track which I think it´s called This Woman´s Work...By Kate Bush. She came out with a green shiny over coat dress thing which had a lilac underskirt which made her look like she was wearing a crinolin.

This was one of my fave numbers... she did a cover of Duran Duran's Wild Boys and my god... she came out with a Burgandy Corset and the rest of the guys came out with capes with crimson shoulder pads and red pants.. OK you can probably guess that they were vampires in this song... I actually like Vampires....hmmmm they do give a whole new meaning to the phrase "Bite me!"

Then The kungfusion sequence... this would make a great workout DVD by far....

Naturaleza Muerta was next.. I love this song and this time Ger was singing it all in Spanish.... There was some sould effects of sea and Seagulls at the begining before she sung the song...

The next 3 songs were super sensational as always.. Especially Frozen... what can I say... men and Leather.... Un Rio Profundo was better than last year cuz the were going nuts.... at one point... Skizzo grabbed El Maño and they do si doed and Gema was sitting on El Maño´s ass and kicking her legs up while he was moving his hips.. the strength on that man...

The encore was a Dance version of Macarthur Park which I made a video of at Gay pride 2 months ago but still have no idea how to upload on youtube

I got waved at by my lovely Angel.... so I was grinning like a cheshire cat...

After the show there was like a mini party the VIPS were in the foyer with drinks and nibbles and Ger was going to meet us all with her dancers... This was a chance for Mia and I to give them a little something to remind them of these concerts. As you know Ger likes to collect fridge magnets and Mia had some made of Ceramic in the shape of Roses... We did play the game of hunt the dancers as we had a rose for all 10 of them.. the first one was El Maño.... who said "I saw you in the front row." i was blushing well so was he when we gave him a rose.. he speaks a bit of English so to Mia´s relief I didn´t have to translate... He´s a good hugger... then there was Yurij, Hinley who is a flirt and told me not to be so nervous... he was making me nervous when I met him the weekend before... Alex G was lovely but he was ill... I told him not to get too close but did he listen like hell he did...

Alex and Sergio luckily spoke English well they did to Mia, and the girls were surprised we got them something each... one of them did the "we´re not worthy" gesture when I told her we were going to all the concerts....

Tete is a new dancer and also from Cuba he was such a sweet heart... and Skizzo awwwwwwww he shaved his hair but he still looked like a cute pirate... He was shocked when I told him he had admirers... I said would you believe me if I told you and he said "no" I also asked him what did he do to his hair and he said "why don´t you like it?" and I rubbed his head and said yeah I do... i asked him what his real name was and he replied "Skizzo"

Mia wanted to see if El Maño´s spikey hair was rock solid... she said it felt like sugar.... yum... we got a pic with him.... hmmmmmmmmmmm sugar....

Ger was quite busy this night and because I was sick I decided to shake her hand rather than kiss her.. she loved the fridge magnet... She was really busy chatting to everyone this night.... We met France again I told her we loved the show and I cried and she said "me too" then what surpirsed me was she started speaking to me in Italian, I was a bit relieved but she said she had lived there for 5 years when Ger was a girl.

We had a chat with Antonio, Ger´s other manager.... he´s a lovely guy.. cute too... he was also at Celine´s concert in Dublin...

The rest of the week was pretty much spectacular, The dancers and Ger came out through the stage door the rest of the week and we said our good byes to them.. they were surprised we were there the dancers that is... Yurij said we´d probably know the who concert by heart by then... well conisdering that I couldn´t cheer or hardly speak until the last concert.. Mis had to cheer for me....

Thursday´s concert was the best of the 6, there were a few boo boos... Carlos suddenly appeared behind the gates during Maldita Soledad, The lights were late for Sin tenerte A Ti, The sound effect didn´t come on for Naturaleza and Sergio Bless him forgot to do his flies when he had his outfit on for Lettre and Sin tenerte...

our little coven was made complete when Vivien arrived on Friday and we went out for Sangria me, Mia and Vivien.... I goty a little tipsy which Hinley thought was funny...

´Saturday´s was special cuz, all of the mums of the dancers were there, and France and Carlos´parents too... I decided to bring my boyfriend with me to this concert. We arrived ten minutes before the concert started because David being a man who has a bit of a problem with time keeping arrived late and I was on the verge of choking him... (no i'm kidding) but i've converted him into a fan to it can't be all bad... I introduced him to the dancers after the show. Hinley laughed when they met perhaps he thought I Told him that he referred to him as "Panchito" well I did but he didn't know what it meant..... and at one point El Maño looked at him and said "Oh you´re the guy she was waiting for the other night!" David looked at him and said "She told you?" and he said "She was waiting ages for you mate" Then he Met Ger who told me that she loved the last present I gave her and I gave a book this time called Messages of water... then she looked at David and Said "Look after her for me!"

The Belgian Divas were there too... Lindsay, Nadia, Linda and Silvia.... El Maño proved to be quite popular for a photo because the girls all got one with him and VIiven.. the photos are hysterical because he has a different face with every girl.

Carlos' mother and father were at this concert too and I said Hi cuz Mia and I had met them earlier in the week.they asked me how I was because they knew I had been ill. (when MIa and I met them I could barely speak) I introduced David to them and the first thing Sr Marin asked was "He speaks SPanish doesn't he" and I said "he's Peruvian" they were chatting for a bit about the concert and about singing. I wasn't surprised.

The last night was the most emotional of the week cuz obviously it was the last one... but what melted my heart was seeing my 2 friends Anto and Marieta... both of them are 15 and they were so nervous.. they started crying when the intro began and throughout the whole concert they were holding hands and crying and singing to all the songs.... their dream came true after the show when I took them to the stage entrance and they met Ger... Seeing them made me burst out crying and when El Maño came out (he´s always last) he gave me a hug and said we´ll see each other again soon.... we took one last pic with him.... special thanks to his friend who took it (who was also very cute)... Anto and Marieta also love Sergio so they were happy to have a pic with him and Alex too..

I was happy that they met Ger... stroked their cheeks when they were still crying....... she told us that thanks for supporting her and I said your welcome, I thanked her for a great week and did the same with most of the dancers... I even ran into a friend I didn´t think was going to be there...

It was a crazy week but I am soooo happy.. thank you so much Geraldine for a great week....

Thank you so much to the following, El Maño, Skizzo, Alex G, Alex, Sergio, Sira, Gema, Tete, Yurij, Hinley and Tete for you talents too you all rock...

Thanks so much to Rosie.... you totally rock...

To Charlie the concuctor.... thanks for trusting us with your son in the same row as us.

to Carlos.... you are a genius, you totally rock, thanks sooooooooo much for this.....

Oh and would like to espacially thank Vivien and Mia, thanks so much you guys... this had been an adventure and I can´t think of anyone else to share this with... Mia you really need to teach me how to dance and Vivien, if you're not in that Orchestra next year playing the cello then the conductor is being silly!

and to Skizzo, ALex G and Hinley.... Sorry.... sorry you guys got my cold... I warned you I was ill but the reply was "that´s ok we don´t have to sing!"

whoops I forgot El Maño sounded like he was getting a sore throat... as much as it pained me to tell him "don't come anywhere near me i'm sick".. he said he wasn't bothered and came closer...

ok more booboos but that´s what made these concerts memorable..

Hinley falling over his own pants during Kungfusion,
El Maño´s ribbon decided to cling onto his body...
Yurij almost fell off stage twice.... and at one point so did El Maño (we know he´s called Jesus, he prefers El Maño)It would give a whole new meaning to the phrase "It's raining men"

funniest moment.... seeing El Maño acting like a loonie outside with his friends pretending to flie... He´s a big guy by the way.. (what was else was in that can of Fanta?)

And well I am counting down to the next performance.... If I had to do it again, I would do it exactly the same but I would change one thing... thatis to take better care of my health.

The Great dental debate.

2008-09-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

I hate dentists..

I know ir's pretty strong and hate is a useless emotion but they always give me the creeps. when I was a teenager, my mum use to take me to the dentist during school which would mean that I would miss a Spanish lesson which I wasn't too thrilled about.

My last trip to the dentist was in January 2008 and the dentist told me that I needed to have a tooth repaired, that or remove it completely. removing it completely would have been cheaper. but After the Dentist perscribed me some antibiotics and cleaned up my tooth, I never went back and now it's starting to bother me again. I think it's on it's way out, I have tried taking pain killers like it says on the packet but I gave up afterwards, yes I know not good for my kidneys either.

I am being bugged by my boyfriend to go. He makes it sound so easy, this coming from a man who when he was in high school was nicknamed "Mr Smile" and visits the dentist every 2 months. He even works in a dental clinic.

A solution will turn up in the end.. that or i need to find some good plyers!

Kittie Capers in Madrid

2008-09-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

I love cats... I've always loved them, since my father brought home my very first kitten when I was six years old. she was 6 weeks old with a long tail and was a ginger tabby.

Recently my flat mate Miriam and I were debating about getting a kitten. We live in a small flat in Madrid and I doubt the land lady would be thrilled. well that decision was not up to me.

One morning, I went out to the supermarket to buy some Alcohol for the weekend, because we were having a get together and Well I saw these two guys standing by a car with the bonnet opened. I could hear a very squeaky miaow! it was definitely a cat because this dog that was passing by picked up on it and started barking.

As it turned out the owner of the car called out a mechanic to get a kitten out of the engine. it obviously climbed in there the night before when the engine was still warm and couldn't get out. So I decided to have a look in the engine and didn't see anything. when the mechanic switched the engine on the kitten moved from the sound. I Stuck my hand in the engine and pulled her out. poor thing.. she didn't belong to anyone. Well the mechanic said I could have her.

SO I took her home, gave her a bath, and some food. at first she stayed under the bed all day. but since the weekend she's been climbing things. she's 6 weeks old and well we've already named her. Hinley Timi. Hinley after this cheeky Cuban I know and Timi well, it's my name TIna and My flat Mate's Miriam. We call her Timi for short.

Life in the flat won't be the same now that we have her.

It makes me less sad over the fact that both My cats in London have gone missing.

ah well... Welcome to the family TImi!!

Finding Salvation in Goya and Vasquez De Mella, Madrid,

2008-07-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yeah It sounds a bit silly but, It was the day I moved into my new place... I Pretty much promised that I would be at the closing Ceremony of the Gay Pride Parade in Madrid and well here´s my story.....

That weekend was incredible... It was like celebrating a big birthday party and Whenever there´s a Chance to Support Innocence doing a promo, I´m there like a shot.

I was pretty much have a nightmare week and needed to basically take my mind off the fact that I was given so much heart burn that the acid would have burned a hole in Vasquez De Mella square. With that out of the way, I met my landlady, signed the contract, handed over the money, moved my stuff in and 5 minutes after everyone left I was Taxi faster than you can say "Expo-Zaragozan!" (one of my jokes)

Now Innocence was suppose to be singing at 8.30pm and I was arriving there at 9.45pm. Thank God that no one in Spain takes punctuality seriously because when I got there She hadn´t sung yet and was busy in a sing off with little Alex Arce.... Alex was making an impression of Geraldine but she out sung him. I hugged and kissed both of them we were chatting and I had mentioned to her the night before I was moving flat (we had an interesting conversation about cats) Well That was how I found out what she was singing this night in question. I was scanning the back stage to see who esle I could talk to. I mean last year I had seen a few dancers hanging around the Teatro Haagen Dazs but was a bit of a chicken to approach them. I Thought to myself "not this year!"

But there was one other person I wanted to talk to and as soon as I spotted him my heart skipped a beat...It´s not a secret that I think this guy is hot so I walked over and called him over, he gestured "who me?" and I said, "Yes you, come here!" The first thing I said was "you´re name is Jesus isn´t it?" and he said "Hell yes!" (well his exact words were "Si Coño!" but hey!) and I asked him if he remembered me from last year, he said where and I explained but he said "sorry i´m busting my brain to remember where I´ve seen you.." then I showed him the photo and well he took it off me and showed the other dancers yelling "Look a photo with El Maño!" OK for those who are not from Spain it bascially means "The Zaragozan".why he referred himself in a third person I will never know perhaps he´s a fan of "The Rock" I dunno. He definately has a thick accent. I tried explaining that I´m not Spanish and he said "yeah I can see from your top!" we were chatting about the fan following these dancers have everywhere,... God was he surprised and I told him "you´re a handsome guy." he put on his "aww shucks thanks" expression. It´s not often that I make a grown man blush...

Well I asked for another photo which surprised me that I didn´t pass out at the time. I had my pic taken with alot of the guys and Geraldine herself... I had to basically tell the dancers they had fans everywhere.. I mean their faces when I told them, especially Sergio Alex´s brother and Jesus. Ger took one of me and the Arce brothers and Danny who made a great fake birthday present for my friend who was just visiting.

And as for the show? Ger was spectacular as usual singing a Dance version of Mc Arthur Park, then The Show Must go On and Un Rio Profundo! The Show Must go on is a Particular favourite of mine cuz I love the facial expressions that the dancers make... well am I the only one who thinks someone rolling thier eyes back like WWE´s Undertaker is hot.... (He must be a wrestling fan!). I was busy shooting a video of the show until the memory cary was full halfway through "Un Rio Profundo!" but hey I went back stage... (If you can call it that) to chat to the others again... got an intersting photo of Alex G, and Jesus pulling funny faces and I gave Jesus a teddy from London, well he didn´t know it was his at first. I just told him to hold it while I took a photo. he was on the verge of giving it back when I said "it´s yours" His face...

It was sooo fun chatting to these guys and Ger, it was especially funny when Little Alex and Ger were singing and Alex was trying to outsing Ger but you know Ger she won and Alex was like "Oh do be quiet!" as a joke. I think it was the quote that made King Juan Carlos the King of Quotes!

It was just fun, after the do, Ger went home and I asked her how Carlos was and she said he was busy, And I SAID i can imagine, the dancers were chatting to their friends and I met a friend who basically told me she wanted Danny for her birthday. so i told everyone it was her birthday. I hadn´t seen her in ages and didn´t recognise her. we have a lot to catch up on especially since she has been through alot of crap that I can guess from where excuse my language.

It was fun... what a way to cristen a new flat.

the Whole atmosphere there was amazing... I was dancing, singing, chatting with the party goers and well my first "Tinto De Verano" wasn´t too bad either!

All I can say is, Thank you so much to all the party goers for a great atmosphere, to Geraldine, Alex, Sergio, Alex G, Danny, Yurij, Sira, Gemma, Jaime who is new to the team, and of course Jesus....

Back from La la land!!

2008-07-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

I haven´t been around much lately cuz I moved into a new place and things have been a bit crazy lately. It´s a bit like starting from scratch... Finding myself once more only this time I can do it without any restrictions

I Cristened my New place by going to a Party.. Gay Pride 2008 in Madrid and these guys can really party. On top of that I met up with some interesting people.

I am back to writing my book about my life in Madrid and i´ll let you know how that is going.

in the meantime I am off to Enjoy the beautiful day out here in Madrid

Ciao!!

Life Lessons in Madrid: Teaching and Learning

2008-06-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

I´ve been living in Madrid for nearly 3 months and even though the language with me is not much of an Issue, because I can pretty much make myself be understood.. It´s the other life lessons that come with it.

Put it this way, while I was looking for work, I was trying to see if I can do some freelance work like, teaching English, Make up sessions and Swedish Massage.. I´n qualified in the last 2 and English is not a problem to teach.. It is just that you will find wierd people in Madrid.

The Massage client.... Well I didn´t bother with him... he was a bit strange and I was glad I was too sick to get out of the flat to do anything... Then there was the make up guy.. who kept calling me to arrange a session to paint 2 naked people for a photo shoot and he was very persistant. In the end my friend´s mum answered his call and told him I had moved out of Madrid.

Then the English classes.. Good job, that now my new student is serious about wanting to learn English, because the student before him... well I am going to be honest here, let´s just say that he learned something that you can only gain from experience or lose.... whichever way you want to put it..

In all seriousness, I learned a few things... That you can have some fun, but at the same time be repsonsible. Living in another City in Europe doesn´t mean that the perils from the previous city you lived in are not here too. They are. Don´t get carried away or careless by being seduced by another language. I love it here in Madrid but at the same time, I owe it to myself to be safe and responsible and that is what I am advising.. you´re never too old or young to put these theories into practice.

This guy, said he´d like to get to know me but thinks he knows me... Hmmm I am not sure about both. He doesn´t know me and well I am happy with who I really am... not sure he will be.

I did learn another thing, but this was while I was away in Dublin.. how to trust people with your own instinct and not let other people influence you. I am usually right about people which is why I knew I could trust my friend Angel even though we hardly met... It´s just that my friend Silvia isn´t so trusting and well, I´ve already mentioned the struggles I´ve had with her. I learned from her to trust myself with what is in my heart and what I feel. Listening to her makes my bile boil so now I don´t bother.

I think Maybe Freddie has been doing that since we found out she was trying to set us up on a date. He has to show me what his secret is.

Off to bed... next week I am treating myself to a "Horus eye"... I will show you the pic.

Ciao

When the Dawn Rises: part 3

2008-06-09T05:20:00.000-07:00

"Well!" snapped Maria, "Hven´t you guys got anything to say?"

There was still silence.

The boys were still shocked from hearing the story about their much soughted treasure.

"Er..." Mateo croaked, looking at the other 3 and then looking at Maria.

"Where´s the book?"

Maria smiled and gestured to Rosa with her eyes.

"Somewhere safe." Rosa reassured them.

"But we can´t let you see it."

"Why not?" Asked Carlos.

"You´re not worthy." Esperanza said, matter of factly.

"What?" hissed Carlos

"Well," Maria added "You´re not!"

He began to get Irate with his sister.

"First you tell us you have the book, then you and your crazy friends fill our heads with this story about witch hunts and magic people, and now you are telling us that......"

"You´re not worthy yet." Maria interuppted.

"Eh?" the boys cried in Unison.

"You need to be worthy first of all." Esperanza added.

There was silence.

"You mean we have to pass a test?" Sergio quizzed.

"It´s not just any test." Maria warned.

Now they were confused. So many mysteries, so many questions and now they had to endure a test.

"Surely it´t not that tough." Paco finally said.

"It´s not a normal test." Rosa insisted.

"It´s a test of strength of the mind, body and spirit.It´s a test of endurance and of skill."

"But why?" Quizzed Carlos. "I´m sure none of you had to do it!"

"Sure we did!" Carolina snapped. "How do you think we found out we can do what we can do."

"But why all this test?" Mateo asked.

"We need to hide the book again." Maria explained.

"It can´t fall into the wrong hands."

"Great!" Paco exclaimed. "So what are we waiting for? Test us already!"

The girls looked at each other and then turned to the boys.

"There´s more." Carolina told them.

"What?" urged Sergio.

"We´re you not listening to the story?" Carolina hissed.

"You four are going to be tested for something else."

they thought for a moment.

"We have to guard someone?" Carlos asked them.

The girls nodded.

"Who?" Urged Mateo.

"Well it´s complicated!" Maria told them.

"But this is certain, we don´t have time. we have to do the "Melt the still life" ritual during the week of the full moon which is in 3 days."

"Oh dear God!" Sighed Paco.

"And since we don´t have time to wait to test you one at a time, we need to test all of you at once." Rosa continued to explain.

"And we have to pass?" Carlos presumed.

"Of course!" Maria replied.

"And if we don´t?" Sergio urged.

"That´s not an option!" Maria hissed. "You need total concentration for this test, If you fail then you might die from not being able to handle the ritual!"

"Er Maria!" Esperanza called her.

She gestered for Maria and the other 2 girls to join her so they could whisper privately to each other and they looked at the boys.

"Seriously..." Whispered Esperanza "You think they are ready for this?"

"They look scared." Added Carolina.

"of course they are ready." Maria insisted "They just know it yet."

"We´d better let the others know." Rosa suggested.

"Already told them!" Maria replied "They have everything ready!"

"So you are sure about them?" Carolina said.

"positive." Maria insisted. "Sure they are scared, but they don´t know what powers they have. They just need to learn how to harness them."

After discussing some more, the girls approached the teenage boys and looked at them.

"Alright." Maria told them.

"Do you want to be a part of this?"

The boys nodded.

"Good!" Rosa replied.

"But just to warn you before hand. After the Ritual, nothing will be the same afterwards in your lives."

So with that, they waited for the week of the full moon to arrive.

Nothing would be the same for any of them from then on.

Temporary breakdown...... At least my mind is still working!

2008-06-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

I´ve been away from here for more than a week... a few things have come up, mainly the computer in the flat has decided that it´s had enough and isn´t working...

I wish that the whole story..

Sadly, it´s not. My friend, Flat mate, or what ever I decided to refer her as, decided to show her true colours when we were in Dublin last weekend.

With her it´s either her way or spend the whole time being in a mental sword fight with her. OK I decided that enough was enough and showed my true colours. When I get angry. she took the hint.

I am not a violent person, I try not to upset people or make them feel uncomfortable, I always try to be polite and respectful, like my parents taught me, but I am not a push over and I do no Submit to anyone.... My thoughts are my own and nobody is brain washing me or trying to make me do something I don´t want to do, I Decided in my teens that that was not going to happen.

God the reason I left the UK is so that I could be my own person, not have someone tell me what they think I should or shouldn´t do. Anyway I am lucky that Her family have been very supportive with me staying with them they told me to don´t take what she says or does personally, I won´t.

Well we did reach to an agreement, what ever I do in the privacy of my room, stays there and she knows to stay out.

Anyway all that out of the way, I feel better now knowing that I put my point across and I am not afraid to show it. Like I said I do not submit to anyone.

I will upload the 3rd part of "When The Dawn Rises" sometime this week along with my pics from Dublin.

Oh yeah speaking of which.... I decided that the Celine Dion concert was the last time I "lurk". sorry it´s not because of IL DIVO or Celine,l though I can understand why they don´t come closer... Those who know me will know why... I am way too polite to mention it here, it does have something to do with well... lets just say that, The guys read all the posts on their forums....

til next time..

When The Dawn Rises.

2008-05-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

The next part of my story.

"Well?" Carlos Urged "Come on!"

Maria just gave him a stare which he took as "Shut up Carlos!"

"We´re going back in the 13th century, Most of Europe managed to Survive the "Black Plague" sadly for the pagans who were not interested in converting to christianity, they did not have it so easy.The ever growing fear of the persecution of non believers of Christianity forces people to go into hiding or just to practice their own beliefs and rituals in secret."

Maria paused... She noticed Paco was falling asleepm she turned to Rosa who in turn threw a shoe at him.

"As I was saying." Maria continued

"There was a secret sect though.. They were sworn to protect people who were special. people who could do things that scared the hell out of other people. Magic, They could fly, they were extraordinary. They were risking their own lives to protect these people."

She continued to tell the story as they all listened.

A man stands guard from behind a stone building that overlooks the city. He looks over from across a street and sees another man who signals for him to see if the coast is clear. He looks around to check and gestures with his hands to say yes. The man then gestures to two people behind him to follow him towards the building. A man and a woman. The woman wears a cloak and hood to mask her while the man protectively places his hand on her shoulder and then holds her hand.

Soon they arrive to the building and are escorted in side the building by the sentinel on guard. While the other man runs back to his post, to wait for anymore people or just to look out.

It was a very tense moment for everyone gathering that night, their lives were about to change forever, everything they knew, their way of life, was going to be compromised and they had to act fast.

By the door of this room stood four tall muscular men, in white robes, while standing by the window of the room stood a teenage boy with Olive skin, with very dark brown eyes which made him look like a predator, but he was unaware of it. looking at the man with the dark robes holding a book, waiting for him to address the crowd.

"Father," the boy urged.

The man looked at the young boy, there was something different about this man, he at times would try to hide his identity from outsiders, who not only regarded him as an outcast but un-Christian like. They believed he was not of this continent because fo his dark features,his hair and eyes and no one knew how he had arrived to this city. but he was from the North, from the mountains,Most peculiar.

"We are all in great Danger!" he finally said addressing the crowd who gasped.

"We have not done anything." Cried a young man.

"Why do they keep tormenting us like this?"

"Because we will not give into their demands." The man in the dark robes answered.

"But Manuel," another began "Does the presence of this man in this room, not put us all in danger?"

He pointed to a handsome dark haired man who was dressed elegantly, with a dark cape and, wearing a sword to the side. He was also holding the hand of a young woman.

Manuel shook his head.

"He's one of us." He said "He always has been. He may dress in a different manner, but his heart is true."

"I am sorry that my presence here will evidently cause much suffering." The well dressed man sighed.

"But I cannot let my parents get away with what they have done."

He was truly brave, he was not a born member of their people but he acted like one of them, and he was willing to turn his back on the life he'd always known to help them in their hour of need.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

By daylight however it was a different story all together. The people taking refuge in the building were awoken by shouting. The building was now coming is under siege from what appears to be palace guards and a lynch mob chanting slogans and welding pitch folks, clubs, torches and anything regarded as a weapon. Manuel summons the two long haired men in the dark robes like him.

"You both have to leave." He ordered.

"Take Mateo with you back to the mountains, and take the book with you and hide it in a secure place. It must not fall into the wrong hands."

"Do not worry," reassured the man with the black long curly hair. "As planned we will accompany your son to Navarra, Karolus and I will protect the other followers."

"You two!" Manuel ordered to two of the muscled men, who stepped forward.

"You must protect them," he continued pointing to a handful of people.

"But especially her." They nodded.

"See She arrives to her destination safely."

The crowd outside continued to yell and use threatening gestures until a man steps forward from the crowd and knocks loudly on the door..

"Manuel!" he yells out loudly "We know you are in there!"

No answer.

"In the name of the King and the Church, surrender and we will consider sparing your Heretic Followers." The man continued.

Still no answer.

"Do you want to have blood of the innocent on your hands?" The man warned.

Suddenly from one of the top windows Manuel appeared now with his hood firmly over his head, still donning the red robes.

"And what exactly am I accused of?" he demanded.

"Of corruption," the man began "Heresy against the church, poisoning the minds of the young, women and Children and of witch craft!"

"And all this is because you believe the word of a malicious whore and her daughter whose advances were refused by myself and my son?" Manuel hissed.

"No, we have been more than patient for you and your followers to end this barbaric worshipping, which is ungodly."

"We are a peace loving people." Manuel insisted "We condemn violence. We demand to know who has told you all these malicious facts."

"Where we received the information is of no concern to you!" the man snapped.

"We are mainly here to be rid of the evil inflicted by Satan and his followers!"

"We are not Satanists!" Manuel insisted.

"Surrender or we will punish everyone!" The man warned.

At that point Manuel turned away from the window to look at the people looking at him, he was not going to surrender and he was not going to leave his followers in the hands of who he considered evil. He knew why they were being persecuted. Some of his followers had magic powers, some of them were able to teleport from one place to another, fly and do impossible things which made people question them. in this day and age they were accused of witch craft. But Manuel had a special gift even though he was shunned by the city for being the way he was, He knew what was about to transpire and could see into the future.

He was about to address his followers until the man with the mob began to shout.

"We know that the young woman who did the unholy act of conceiving out of Wedlock is among you!" he snarled.

He looked at the woman in question who was stroking her bump who was being comforted by the young man elegant clothing.

"She's married so leave her out of this!" Manuel yelled.

"It is an unholy union and the person who claimed to have married them has been dealt with!" The man spat.

"They came together willingly!" Manuel explained.

"The parents of the man in question did not consent to this union!"

"Prehaps not!" yelled the Elegantly dressed man. "But I gave my consent!"

"We know you could not been of your own mind and body!" The shouting man hissed

"she has surely bewitched you Viscount Florien in order to….!"

"Stop!" Manuel interrupted "The only corrupted minds here are not from within this building! We are not leaving!"

He slammed the window shut and turned to his followers.

"You must all escape." He urged them, turning to two muscular men who knew what he intended.

"Before they burn this building!"

From the outside the man continued to shout.

"The viscount's parents have the power to make this so called marriage unlawful, then the woman will be punished."

Manuel continued to ignore the ranting of this man.

"We cannot leave you!" a young man insisted to him.

Manuel turned to the young man and placed a hand on him.

"Mateo, my son," he began, "If anything happens to me, you will have to succeed me. You and your descendents are charged with an important duty. You have to lead a special army in protecting people like yourself and this couple."

The young man tried to insist, but Manuel was adamant. He gave his son what appeared to be a heavy book.

"When you arrive in Navarro, you must read this book and then go to the house of the Men from the Origin of the "Rising Sun" They in turn will train you into being a leader and in turn you will use what I have trained you as well as theirs to train others. And this book, someone will there, a Guardian, a woman will be waiting to be in charge of it. And one day someone will bring it back here." He continued.

"And as for you two. He continued turning to the two men.

"…We know." The fairer skinned one interrupted.

"Then what happened?" Urged Mateo, still reeling from the thought that someone in this story was named after him.

"I´ll go on."Esperanza urged.

"The people in this fort escaped with ways that they knew how. Some could fly, some could teleport or freeze time. Others just threw out potions to knock some of the angy mob out. it worked."

Most of the people got away but the pregnant woman seemed to leave Manuel behind even with the insistance of her Husband.

"Fleur, Please we must leave!" He begged her.

"Please child, go with your husband," Manuel insisted.

"He will protect you! the others will protect you and Manuel when he has matured as a warrior protector will protect your child and the cycle will continue."

Florien was now having doubts.

"It will be fine," Manuel insisted. "I will join you. You need to be there with your wife. you cannot let her raise your child by herself!"

Manuel placed his hands on Florien´s head and then on the belly of the young woman. he took their hands and joined them.

"Now go!" HE Ordered

They left with the mother of the young woman and some of the children. by teleporting herself, Florien them, and her mother.

Mateo was about to leave with one of the Guardians in white when Manuel stopped them, he was holding the hand of a girl who was no more than 10 years of age.

"Take her with you Mateo." He urged.

The girl was unusual looking, pale skinned, eyes of the deepest blue, and hair the colour of rubies.

"She can not be lost in a convent!"

Mateo nodded.

Manuel bent on one knee to address the little girl.

"Listen child," he began, "you may not underastand this now, but when you are older you are destined to become a Guardian protecter like my son. Your children will do the same and so will their children."

"Will Mateo protect me?" she asked.

Manuel nodded.

Mateo took the girl by the hand and with the help of the guardian they teleported out of the fort with the book as well.

One of the guardian returned inside the building after her Mnauel and other people of their group failed to join them all. They witnessed a horrific site, from the distance, the Fort was on fire and nearly, except Manuel, who was barely alive. he refused to leave and even punched him. The guardian had teleported out of the building without Manuel and soon was in the woods with the survivors.

"The others?" croaked Fleur

The man shook his head

"All dead.." he replied

This news upset Mateo.

"And my father?" he urged

"Why is´t he with you?"

The man took a deep breath.

"He refused to be rescued, he even punched me." he recalled "He told me if I didn´t watch over you, he would haunt me for all eternity!

"Nooooooooo!" the boy cried out. He knew his father had gone forever in the flames.

They all knew that they would never see the others that perished in the fire or even mourn them. the church would either have their bodies burned or bury them in unmarked graves.

After that horrific night, Fleur, Florien and Fleur´s mother escaped to Navarra with some of the followers and Mateo who was entrusted with the child, the rest of them spread themselves around Europe, keeping their identities hidden in case of spies. Manuel´s wish of handing the book over to a Female Guardian. A White witch.

As for the building from where the siege was held, a new building was built on top of the ruins and the bodies of the dead followers. No one was ever allowed to say what truly happened. But rumors were rife over the generations and tongues were wagging. Anyone who dared to say what they thought happened faced extreme punishment. As for Manuel, no one knew what happened to him. Some say he escaped others say he was tortured to death.

Esperanza, took a deep breath. there was silence. No one moved. no one dared to say anything. Not yet anyway.

When The Dawn Rises.

2008-05-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

Just messing about with this story.... I´ve been trying to work with it for about a year but things keep changing. Ah well just goes to show that you can´t explain things. You just have to sit back and Enjoy the ride.

Madrid 1917: Some teenage boys are playing on the street and decide to investigate what appears to be a building site for a new building. Not much is known about this area but they decided to explore. Some digging has already begun in order to put down the foundations for this new project. Two of the boys are already down there.

"Have you found anything down there yet?" one of the teenagers yells down to his friends.

"NO..." shouts one of the boys in the pit.

"Nothing but rubble"..

"Buried treasure my foot!" another one tuts.

The two boys give up searching and return to their friends feeling very disappointed.

They become even more hostile when they see a teenage girl walking towards them.

"Go away Maria!" one of the boys hissed.

"Oh Carlito, you still don´t believe in that story about Buried treasure on Calle Atocha."

"What makes you think we were looking for treasure?" Carlos sneers.

The girl shakes her head....

"Because I told you the story about Calle Atocha, and you have always thought the buried secret was treasure!"

"Well what else is it then?" another boy demanded.

"OK so it was a treasure but nothing like gold, Jewllerly or even money."

Maria began to explain.

"It was a book."

"How do you know?" Carlos urged.

Maria drew a smile, which scared the other boys.. It was a cunning and almost wicked smile.

"My God Carlos!" Paco shrieked..

"You were right... Your sister is a witch!"

"Do you want to know more or not?" She hissed.

They 4 boys nodded.

"Then Follow me." Maria instructed..

There was no point arguing with someone as stubborn as Maria, She was Carlos´ Twin and even worse for him his friend Sergio really liked her and therefore couldn´t do anything. She took them to the basement of a house away from the city centre. There were some teenage girls there. two of them looked horrified.

"You bought strangers!" one of them shrieked..

"It´s Alrgiht!" Maria reassured "it´s only my brother and his friends!"

"They´re not worthy!" the other girl spat.

At that point, Sergio grew a puzzled look on his face.

"Not worthy for what?" He asked...

"You don´t know that!" Maria insisted to her friends.

"They are the ones we´ve been looking for!"

The boys were now getting uncomfortable.

"I think your sister and her friends are going to drug us, make us drink blood, strip us naked and then kill us." Paco whispered nervously.

"She´s a witch" Added Mateo.

"You said so yourself. They are all Witches!"

"Shut up!" the girls demanded in Unison.

The boys did what they were told.

"Carlos was right about me," Maria, began.

"About all of us, We are infact witches."

There were gasps.

"But we don´t want to kill you 4!" Added Esperanza.

"Especially not our own."

Now they were confused.. Their own? What did that mean?

"Er what the....." Carlos tried to say but was interupted.

"We´re all part of the same people." Rosa interupted.

"Maria was right, looking at you 4 I see it now."

"What are you talking about?" Carlos demanded.

"Alright," Maria finally reassured them,

"We´ll tell you everything from the begining, and why you are all here. why we are all here!"

They moved in closer and sat on the floor, while Maria sat next to them and began to explain the story.

D.I.Y. School of Tarot Reading.

2008-05-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, I use to hear my mums two friends talk about the time they got tarot readings done. Then I use to read people who well were told that something bad was going to happen to them and if they wanted to know more thy needed to give them more money.

I´ll tell you a story that happened to a person I know. There are some Digital TV channels that show these "Tarot Readers" and people call them to ask a question. Well this person told me that she called up this guy who did readings on an Italian TV channel and all she did was tell him her first name and how old she was. She was shocked when he started revealing things about her life, that she married young, that she had difficulties and what really shocked her was he mentioned that in all the years she had been married to her husband, he has never once paid her a compliment. And this was with 3 cards he picked.

OK this guy seemed to Genuinely know what he was doing. some people who had their own TV shows got arrested for conning people out of money.

Personally I have been doing Tarot readings for the last 6 months. I am not doing it for money even though several people have made suggestions to do so. I do draw the line on those kind of things. I´ve always been interested in Tarot reading. My friend told me her mum did it. I´m sure some of the women in my grandmother´s village know how to use them. It is not only confined to Gypsies and stuff you see at Carnivals. I am still learning and alot of times I ask my friend who has been doing this for years what she makes of them. I use more than one source to read them.

No seriously, I do readings on my friends,their friends, a situation, you know anything. If they don´t want to know then I won´t push them. I did it on myself the first time. I did one recently on myself as the situations changes. Well I live in Madrid now and although things are a bit tough, they will get better. at the moment I am in a quandry over two jobs. Both have something I can learn from, only one looks good on my CV and the other eventually after a 2 month trial will pay better. example the cards for both are good.

And as far as friends go. I chose one for a friend of mine, well I did a "Celtic Cross" Reading for him and it baiscally told me that he´s a creative person and pretty soon he is going to move on to bigger things even though it may be a bit of s struggle. It also said he had to take a trip or had taken one. This was true.

Some people especially the "Tarot Fakers" will read the card wrong or just tell you something else just to get more money out of who ever it is asking the questions. Just remember this important thing I learned about one card I learned years ago.

Death: this card means change, or that something will come to an end or that you need to end something in order to begin something else. It does not mean that you or anyone else is going to die. So if you get a Tarot reader who tells you that you will die, then they are faking it to take you to the cleaners.

This is what I have learned in 6 months. You can have fun doing these readings, that if you get a troublesome Tarot reading, what it is telling you is the possible ways of changing the situation that you are in whether you want to choose it or not.
The last thing the guy said to the woman I knew was that he could only advise her to find away to make things better for herself and that he could tell that she had this attitude "I´ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it" mentality.

The same person told me that I could do better in my life.

No in all seriousness, You can have fun, you can seek advice and you can choose to interpret the readings, whether you do it yourself or get a good friend to do it.

Actually always get a good friend to help you if you are starting to do these readings.

The Photo here is Strength which means exactly what is says it does. Strength. This is my card.

Morgana and "The Zaragozan"

2008-05-19T04:57:00.000-07:00

"Hey isn´t he one of them?" I said to one of my friends last September in the Foyer of the Haagen Dazs theatre in Madrid. Everyone was leaving friends, family, fans, Innocence, Carlos, even some of the dancers had already left, except one.

It was pretty hard not to miss this guy. he´s tall with spikey hair and well a goattee that makes him look quite devilish or like a cheeky Greek God let´s say Pan or Dionysis. I thought the whole dance team were fantastic and remembering that my good friend had her photo taken with 2 of the Dancers back in June 2007, decided to follow her example.

My friend, well, she´s one of my heros. I think she is brilliant She has given me so much advice and so much courage since May.

I told my friends Mia and Vivi, that I wanted a photo with a dancer and I didn´t care who it was. so I walked up to him, waited for him to finish talking to who ever it was, to this day I don´t remember who it was, tapped him on his huge arm and asked "Se puede hacer una foto contigo?" and he said "Si!"

Since then I don´t know hasn´t seen the photo of me and the "Zaragozan" it took me 5 months to find out his name and well even though I said thanks to him after the pic. I Would like to tell him again. I wanted to tell him that he and the other guys were fantastic but the words didn´t come out. I was being squeezed like a Valencian Orange he, he, he.

My friend has dropped hints about him somewhere but I think having a moving photo of him dancing with his ribbon is fairly obvious that he means something even if it was a meeting of a few seconds. More on that soon.

In the meantime I will go somewhere quiet. he he he.

I have 2 favourite people from Zaragoza. My good friend Karol and this guy.

Morgana´s First Musical in Madrid

2008-05-19T02:35:00.000-07:00

When I lived in London,I always wanted to go and see a musical, but either neither had the time or couldn´t find anyone to go with. So in my last few months in London, I got the chance to see 2. Mary Poppins and We Will Rock You. But there was 1 musical I wanted to watch when I was younger and when it was showing in the UK. But even more in Madrid. especially because of the lead characters of the musical. Beauty and the Beast.

Beauty and the Beast has always been my favourite story, because it´s about seeing people for who they really are on the inside rather than what they are on the outside and sometimes It´s OK to be different.

I was lucky enough to get as copy of a video someone made of the performance of Beauty of the Beast in Madrid with Carlos Marin a baritone with a voice that is just amazing and who is now makes a quarter of IL DIVO. I was not surprised that he played the role of the beast and even luckier for me this performance also has his lovely bride who also has an outstanding voice Geraldine Larossa also known as Innocence with the role of Belle. She was a temp for 2 months but hey even though the quality of this video isn´t good the sound is fantastic.

I wanted to watch it Live and so when I saw that It was on Teatro Coliseum in Madrid, I thought to myself I have to experience it live.

One day when I was out with my good friend Mia and Silvia , we were looking at the cast and one guy caught my eye. I Knew who he was, I had seen him before 7 months before in the Haagen Dazs theatre in Madrid. I quickly told Mia "Oh My God! Look it's Alex!"

Alex Arce Tula, let me explain is an incredible performer. He was part of the dance team Innocence had on stage at her concerts and in her music video and at her concerts he has a 3 minute stint with his brother Sergio doing an Acrobatic routine which was incredible. You were liturally left thinking to yourself "How the heck are hey doing that?" That aside Mia and I were curious to see what role Alex had in the musical.

Later that day we took the decision to get the cheapest tickets on offer and watch the show. And it was well the best decision we ever made. It was different to the casting of 2000 obviously, perhaps they had to change it on the grounds that no one broke a leg liturally. We were scanning through the programme and looking at the profiles of the characters and caught the making of the musical on the screens. pointing out to Alex everytime we saw him and Raul Peña who we met after Innocence´s first concert. I didn´t know who he was but my friend Vivi almost passed out at seeing him. Raul is a funny guy, what made us laugh was his transformation into the character Lefou.

OK the show was incredible. the experience of watching it, energy the singing. Sorry it is so hard not to compare the Beast of now David Ordinas who also has an amazing voice to when Carlos when he was the beast. I mean no one has that rumble in their voice when they sing or can say the comment "Entonces Muere De haaaaaaaaaambbre!" like carlos does but hey I liked David but my faves were Pablo Puyol who plays Gaston, he was outstanding, I liked him... Lefou of course played by Raul Peña who I Can understand why my friend likes him. Lumiere played bt Armando Pita and of course Alex who had two roles Felpudo where he had to sing as well as act and dance and let me tell you he has a big voice for a little guy, incredible and even more incredible was his other role. He was a carpet.

Now we were sitting very far from the stage but we could tell it was him when he was doing the back flips and leaping. Anyone who has seen Innocence in Concert when She´s singing Naturaleza Muerta towards the end can see Alex leap over well another dancer. infact when I was visiting my friend Vivien in Oxford who also has a copy of the Beauty and the Beast with Carlos and Geraldine I made a comment about the guy playing the carpet by saying Alex would make a great carpet. By then I had forgotten he was in this years' production.

Of course for me there was tears. The show proved to be emotional for me, epscially the part where Belle and the Beast are reading in the Library and she tells him that people think she´s strange because she is different. Something that rang a bell with me. I waslucky I had Mia with me at the time and we did laugh when Belle was reading the story of King Authur because we have both read The Mists Of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley.

Julia Moller plays Belle beautifully, and the scene in the Tavern with Gaston, Lefou, Alex and everyone else looked like so much fun, we wanted to join in too.

After the show, it was raining cats and dogs but, we wanted to meet Alex and tell him he was great. we waited for a while and one by one the production left the artists door. we must have looked a little bit nuts, 2 women under an unbrella la la la-ing until we saw a little guy run out. It was Alex, I called him over and well we were talking to him. he is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet and he said he remembered us from September 2007. OK I was starting to blush and I was a little nervous around him but he was lovely. I told him that he had a 14 year old fan in Holland who loves him and if he could sign a programme for her and also one for my friend Virginie who he remembers very well. we got chatting and we told him he was great as the character he was in the musical and in September. I chickened out from asking him something else so instead I asked him how his brother was. We took photos and my fave one is of the 3 of us together, me, him and Mia which you can see. After saying our goodbyes we went home.

My nick name for both him and His brother is Dulce De Leche, for the obvious.... Although I haven´t met Sergio, his face says he´s very sweet too and yes they are Argentine as well other wise i´d call them something else.

Of all the musicals in Madrid I wanted to see first, La Bella Y la Bestia wins everytime. I would reccomend it to anyone to go and watch it. If you want magic, if you want romance, if you want fun and energy, watch this show.

Morgana and "El Salvador"

2008-05-18T12:01:00.000-07:00

The last time I came to Madrid,I was there for the weekend. It was to watch Innocence in concert. The chance to see this amazing singer in concert was too good to miss and the fact that she was going to sing a Spanish Version of "Who wants to Live Forever" with her Husband Carlos Marin was a bonus and Well I couldn´t wait.

Never mind that there were some people who thought I was only going there for Carlos, the same people who have not got a clue about the concept of being a fan of an artist for their voice and not cuz they might look good with their kit off. and Besides as I Said when I went to the making of Innocence´s Video "The Show Must Go On" and the presentation of the video 5 weeks later, It was about Innocenceand those who choose to think otherwise need to take a good look at themselves.

OK that aside while I was there in Madrid at both concerts I had the good fortune to experience alot of things that I would never have imagined in my dreams.

It was there I met him. A man, Tall, olive skin, dark hair with beautiful brown chocolate eyes with long eye lashes to match, eye brows that beautifully sculpted the frame of his eyes. He had this energy about him that I have not been able to shake off since meeting him.

We posed for a photo and in those 5 seconds we posed for a photo, he gave me such a tight hug that I was on the verge of passing out. He had strong arms so He could keep me on me feet.The energy around him was almost intoxicating. He was bursting with energy and that smile was Oh my god.

Since then He has become a muse for me, the type of profession he does is something I have always had respect for and watching him in action was totally amazing.

He has something about him when I see him and for now this is just the surface of the last few months of observation of a man who is truly bewitching as an Egyptian Pharoah.

A man I barely know much about other than his, name his profession and where in Spain he is from.

But soon I will find out more.

Putting my "Faith" of friendship with Freddie

2008-05-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

Freddie is a person I am still learning alot about. Some people seem to think they know him well, I Honestly have no Idea why. I believe that you don´t know everything about a person. Sometimes I refer to him as "Faith" because he´s Italo Argentine and of course the first four letters of his name in Italian means "Faith" in Italian. writng a blog about him means that he does have some importance in my life.

The story of the first time I ever knew about Freddie is one that has happened to alot of people. My friend Bless her works with him and thought we´d be a good match, because he´s half Italian, he´s studying to be an actor.Well she told me all types of things and I was not interested in meeting him. Then 1 weekend we were going to go out for a drink and she decided to invite a "friend" too but she said she was inviting him for her. Well she didn´t tell me who he was.

That was when I met Freddie. It surprised the hell out of me when he said "Ahh so this is the friend you were talking about." I wondered how many other of my friend´s male friends knew about me. But I didn´t feel uncomfortable around him. Only before when I felt like I was going to the gallows. This uncertainty in the pit of my stomach. Finally I found out where he was from when he showed me his passport.

The blind date of course back fired on my friend. she left us alone a couple of times only to come back disappointed because we were not locking lips or what ever. Just flirting. There was something about this guy that I like and he feels the same way about me but it´s not like we want to get involved with each other in that way. Everytime I see him, he makes me smile, he makes me cry with laughter with his sense of humour that sometimes can be taken the wrong way and with all men with latin blood he is the biggest flirt in flirtsville.

The biggest challenge that faces us right now is the person who introduced us in the first place. Our friend,who is also his co worker and my flat mate. One minute she´s trying to get us together and asking if we fancy each other, then she´s using every trick in the book to do the opposite.

Truth be told, I have been very clear with Freddie since the get go. We did go through this one phase when I wanted to kick his arse for something he said which hurt my feelings. luckly he saw that and made ammends. But since then, every time that passes and I get to know him, I realise he´s a great person to be friends with and we have a lot of things in common. I can talk to him about energies, theatres, and magic which he pretends he doesn´t believe in but anyone who has a tattoo of a dolphin on his ankle says otherwise. I never said for a moment that he is not important to me. He is as a friend and my feelings for him are those for a friend. We are not in love with each other.

Freddie once told my friend what I represent for him as a person. He said I bring him peace in his life and that I am an angel for him. It took me weeks to figure this out but Freddie for me does the same. He also brings me peace, and trust. Trust that since coming to Madrid, he´s the only guy who sees me as who I am and not everyone is after a place in my underwear. He makes me smile. who wouldn´t he´s cute and sure he´s a flirt, he´s Italo Argentine, that´s like Tiramisu with the top layer completely covered in Dulce De Leche. Imagine how lethal that is in a man and yes I blush but I told him I am not falling for those charms. Freddie reminds me of My best friend in London Tony with the playfulness of Alex. Emotionally we could learn alot from each other things but anything else is platonic.

With Freddie, this is a friendship that needs to be structured without any outside influence and we need to do it ourselves. And every chance we get is fundamental. I have the means and the tools and so does he. Messengers are banned because in the end when it comes to the point that there is a go between we might end up killing the messenger.

My friend once asked me... what happens if well..... Suddenly one of us decided to kiss the other. My answer was one of us would probably say "What the hell do you think you´re doing?" but if something was going to happen it would have in the begining.

Morgana and her Muses.

2008-05-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

I write poetry and I have been for many months now.. These ones are about one of my muses. A guy who I met in September 2007 in Madrid. he has inspired me to do many things and well soon I will tell you about him.

Tormented into Salvation

I know what it means

It's to Save man and Woman Kind

But you saved me too

And now I've lost my mind.

The energy was almost intoxicating

And I can still feel it right now.

There were messages to be read

And I didn't know how.

That smile is seductive

I felt like I was under arrest

But when you gave me that stare

I may have been blessed.

There might be something spritual

You don't look like an Innocent man,

You were having so much fun

You reminded me of Pan.

Those eyes made me forget

At first What I was doing there.

That smile and that scent

Was almost too much to bare.

It's not about being an apostle

It's about following my own way

But you were there to tell me something,

Salvation is the way.

Someone have mercy

I know I've got far to go,

Tu es un Milagro, un Hallelujah,

That was all i needed to know.

Salvame un otra Vez:

No se quien tu es,

Y De donde eres,

Yo Se solo que cuando yo te visto,

tu hablaba con otra medios,

Lo se el sinificante de tu nombre,

es "el señor ahorrará"

pero nunca por salvarme

de tu Sonrisa de diabolico.

Tu no utilizó tan muchos parablas para hablar

pero cuando tu movió a cada pulgada de tu cuerpo

eres una idioma nuevo que quiero mucho intende

Tu fuerza es increíble

no puedo negarlo todo podemos verlo

pero es lo que veo en el interior,

Y que siento tambien,

Esepera un Abrazzo

como la noche de nuestro segundo encuentro.

con la fuertezza y magia,

que ahora no me dia paz

Corona Oscura: Dark Crown

He has a dark Crown,
That anyone can see,
Of spikes made of sugar,
tall and strong as he,

The silver lines sparkle,
And dazzle like his smile,
Makes me often wonder
why it took me a while.

by day the crown disappears,
and curls emerge instead,
But by night it reappears,
the Dark crown on his head.

miro la cara diabolica
y no puedo hace paz,
cuando tiene su sonrisa
y la esperanza de verlo mas,

Tiene un ritmo,
Que te enfrenta cara a cara,
Todo dice que tiene un poder
tambien su Corona Oscura,

The months will pass,
Leather, Black, Cedared or white gown,
he will emerge once more
With the dark crown.

Morgana speaks to me in Madrid.

2008-05-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

I love Magic.

We are not talking about the abracadabra kind. I am talkning about the stuff from King Authur´s time, Fairies, witches, legends Gods and Goddesses from Native American folklaw, Celts, Druids and the list is endless. Reading The Mists Of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley was what pushed me over the edge. So when I found the "Oracle of the Goddess" one day while browsing in a mystic library in Madrid, It was not surprising that it tickled my fancy. And I must say it´s been a great investment.

I do readings with these cards on anyone. they are different to tarot reading as most of the time you only need to choose 1 card and it tells you the answer when you look in the book that comes with it. Usually the question I ask is what kind of Goddess represents a person and another card for what they can teach us.

The card I get all the time is Morgana or Morgaine La Fey...

Well read on.

Morgana (Morgaine La Fey)

Morgana is a triple goddess of Death and Rebirth of Celtic belief. She appears as a beautiful maiden, a powerful mother and a scary witch. She was also sea Goddess; her name “Mor” means “Sea” in Celtic her other name “La Fey” has two meanings “The Fairy “ or “The destiny”. According to Arthurian legend, she was the half sister of King Arthur. Some say that it was her who manipulated Morded, the son she had with Arthur , to kill his own father. When Arturo died Morgaine came to his aid and took him to the magical island of Avalon, to cure him of his wounds and then placed him in a deep sleep of which he will wake up when the moment arrives.

Morgaine dances into your life with her tambourines and her magic to invite you to discover and live your rhythms. What are your personal rhythms? Do you know when is the right time for you to wake up, to sleep, to excerise, to eat to create to make love, to work? Or do you waste your energies adjusting your rhythms because of restrictions of work.. or do your family, partner or friends restrict you. Are you so submerged into someone else´s life that you are living their rhythms instead of yours Perhaps you have never discovered your own rhythms and are just pleasing others and are following the current.

But it is important for you to live according to your own rhythms. Flowing with you rhythms will giveyou a lot of energy, because you will no longer be suppressing what is natural in you. Morgaine la Fey says that the vitality, the health and the totality are nourished when you flow with your own and singular rhythm instead of that of others.

And I am not the only one. Some important people who are in my life right now, I have taken this card for. I am coming to grips with following my rhythm but somtimes it is not so easy. But I am not going to fall into the trap of following the rhythms that are not my own.

Morgana´s Last Few Hours in London.

2008-05-17T07:40:00.001-07:00

The last few hours was a true test. Everything was packed, my flight was in a few hours and in 48 hours I was going to celebrate my birthday in a place where I´ve always felt my home.

I barely slept the last 3 and a half hours. Suddenly the bed I´d slept in, over the last 5 years in the home where I lived with my family for almost 22, was less than comfortable. I spent the last few hours there thinking. Thinking of what the next few hours was going to hold for me. It was full of excitement but at the same time fear. Fear of being stopped from embarking on this life changing experience. I thought what would happen at 4 am when I was lugging my suitcase down the stairs with the remains of my life belongings and suddenly being stopped by my father and being asked why was I still going to Spain, then quite possible using every tactic in the book to talk me into staying in London. Just as my brother tried doing hours before.

Well the last few hours was spent in a relaxed mood. I went to visit my friend Norma and had my last meal in the UK which was a traditional Fish and Chips. OK I have to admit I have better but since it was my last meal in the UK I was not going to complain. Then I went to visit my great aunt and then shopping in Camden town. I found some novelty "Jesus" T´shirts which made me giggle. Then I went to visit my mother in hospital which poor thing was holed up there for the last 5 days. During Easter too, bless her. She knew I was going to Spain and even told me to go, but her mood changed. This was when the emotional blackmail started. Not from her because she knew that once I have some thing in my head I was not going to Change my mind. That was when my brother stepped in.

Now if you think about it, it was the biggest excuse in the book to get me to stay in London. Mum was in hospital. She was there due to an illness we thought she had at the time, but it was not life threatening. She was in good hands and if anyone was even listening to both me and the medical team it was a managable illness. But as usual, in our family, the medical stuff has to be dealt with by yours truly.

Well my brother, despite the fact that I am older than he is, was trying to act responsible. Most of the time he acts like a complete arse and then thinks he can give me orders on the grounds that he bought the house we were living in and he has a job working as an office drone. Telling me God only knows how many times that we had to stick together because we were a family. Family? since when did we become West London´s answer to "The Mitchells"? Since when did it become mandatory to drop everything just because of family. Let´s face it both side of our family are not exactly close. Everyone is out to back stab each other and now My brother was trying to use this excuse. If it were my father using emotional blackmail, he´d use the fact that me and my mother almost died twice. the first time she was miscarrying me and the second was when she was giving birth.

It wasn´t like I didn´t care about my mum. It was because I cared about her I was doing this. I had been planning this for weeks. Actually come to think of it years. I just needed to a push. I was planning an escape Wentworth Miller´s character Michael Schofield in "Prison Break" would be proud of.

Oh and then there was another excuse which was priceless "We are an Italian Family" Christ it was even worse than the first one. That might be alright for some people who don´t have a problem with their parents and their friends meddle with their affairs, but i am not a steriotype and I am not about to let people run my life. It was the same excuse my father used when I was seventeen.The truth was that I hated having to use that as an excuse of why I was still living with them.

The last 5 months before my departure became an emotional journey for me. When I left Madrid in September 2007 my heart sank, like it always did, but I had a feeling I would be back, and this time for longer. I looked back at the things I discovered and rediscovered about myself and decided that I was going to Follow my heart. My gut feeling was to plan for Madrid after everyone had gone to sleep. There was only one way I knew I could go out there in Madrid and live in peace. Not tell anyone in my family I was going out there for good. Not even my friends, only a few close ones. Once I made the mistake of confiding in someone whose parents knew mine a very long time ago. Never again.

OK here´s the deal. I have always known that I was different from everyone else. They don´t seem to understand that for me finding my path has been difficult, sometimes restricted because I have never have the freedom to express myself and past experiences have left me, well cautious. I need to do this on my own, and perhaps the circumstances have been less appealing. It took failing my second year at University and the betrayal of my boyfriend of 6 years to make me finally see that I had to open my eyes to things that were waiting for me. And there was no way I was moving back to Italy or moving in with a person who hasn´t yet clocked on that he is turning into my father.

I was getting tired of having to listen to the constant arguing in what was a melting pot in a sess pool of a town where I was day by day losing my mind. constantly being reminded that I am getting to a certain age where by now I should have settled down with a job. a family, a home. This to me is all aload of rubbish because there is no time limit on when you should settle down. It was time to go.

The whole time when I was getting out of the house, my heart was pounding. I almost hurdled down the stairs with my suitcase and at the same time imagining the newspaper headlines of the Southall Gazette "Woman Breaks Neck In Escape Attempt" I was shaking like a leaf. Luckily My father had gone to work and my brother was asleep. I had to talk out of the house with no shoes on and carry my boots in my hand. That point I didn´t care, in 6 hours I was going to be in Madrid. Nervously the driver helped me load my belongings and drove me to heathrow where I caught the bus to Gatwick.

In the 3 hours from getting on the plane and arriving to Madrid, there was a mixture of excitement and fear. I wanted to make sure I was physically there in Madrid before I could sing victory. The greatest feeling was arriving at Barajas Airport arrival´s lounge with my belongongs, being greeted by my friend Mia who was there in Madrid to support me . I knew then I was not dreaming. in 24 hours I would celebrate my 29th birthday, but that day would also be a birth of a new me.

This is my story....

This is my life Living Madrid.